Roses Are Red Roasts & Insult Comebacks (120 Best)

Top Rated Comebacks and Roast Replies

Describe the type of insults you want:

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

Comeback: your so fat you went out with high heels and came back in flip flops - maria

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Comeback: Rose are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers. The middle one's for you. - awsome

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: Were you born on a highway? 'Cause that's where most accidents happen. - Cat

You're stupid because you're blonde.

Comeback: People making fun of brunetts on here are just as bad as the people making fun of blonds. YOUR HAIR COLOUR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR INTELLIGENCE!!! - BANTA

You're stupid because you're blonde.

Comeback: i bet your family tree is a cactus because they are pricks - someone

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

Comeback: Good thing I exist, because all of the people diseased by your bitchiness come running to me, and believe me, I'm making a fortune charging a nickel per person. - kittynotacat

The last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.

Comeback: If uglyness were bricks, you'd be the great wall of china. - Marshall

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.

Comeback: Yeah, but sadly the 1st one's caught in you mother's ass - Anonymous

Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

Comeback: We crashed the moment we saw you. - Bob

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.

Comeback: Oh so we're saying poems now? Heard of the one when your existence was a mistake? - Bob

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Comeback: If I have to get a brain transplant, I'll use yours. Not because ur smart, but because I want one that is never used before - Savage Dude

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Comeback: your birth certificate is a apology letter from god.. - gabriel

You're stupid because you're blonde.

Comeback: Hey, at least I can die my hair! You're stuck with that ugly face for the rest of your life! - unknown

I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

Comeback: sry, but the dude from subway is giving me a footlong. - Subway

It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.

Comeback: Sir/Madam, I would never dream of attempting such a feat. I was trying to accommodate YOUR vocabulary. - Vinco

It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.

Comeback: Well it sounds like you managed to do it. - JedSaid

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

Comeback: I heard your Family tree fell down is this because everyone on it is a fat ass? - Alex Huddson

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: Were you born on a high way because thats where accidents happen - HeadedRanger110

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Comeback: roses are red,violents are blue i have the flue because of u - Mr.idC

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Comeback: some people are like slinkies. they're really good for nothing, but they can still put a smile on your face, especially when you push them down the stairs. - D-Savage

Let's have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?

Comeback: Oh, you can call me. But I won't pick up. - Girl U. Dontno

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

Comeback: Every time I see your family tree I regret not cutting it down - None

If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Comeback: Thats not a fall, its a long jump, babe. - Kate

I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

Comeback: you can go to mcdonalds but u will be loveing this foot long from sub way - jordan

You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

Comeback: And you're proof that God can make mistakes. - Name

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Comeback: i'm not sure, i was going to ask you - ashley craig

You're not funny, but your life, now that's a joke.

Comeback: If you really like jokes look in the miror. - Alex Huddson

What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?

Comeback: I will refer him to you. - Person

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that.

Comeback: would you clean your shit to find your digested statement? you seem like you would. - Gary

You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.

Comeback: You're so fat you need a watch on each wrist cause your in two time zones. - Cody Jackson

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

Comeback: If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart. - The Man with No Name

Just wait till you can't fit your hand in the Pringles tubes, then where will you get your daily nutrition from?

Comeback: From between your mom's legs when I make her cum - Spenny180

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

Comeback: that's alright. Use a pencil...it will be easier to remove your crap after - me

It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Comeback: Well of course I talk like an idiot how else could you understand me? - Intellectual handiwork

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Comeback: The closest thing you could get to pussy/dick is a disabled donkey - mac

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: i was going to give you a nasty look but I already saw you had one. wow go curlyfrie!!!! - curlyfrie

If you were a booger I would pick you first.

Comeback: If you were a booger, I'd sneeze you on the wall and watch my dog lick you off. Bonus points for the captcha: Arouse most - Furvert

If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Comeback: If I throw a stick, will you leave? - Jo

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Comeback: the way you turned out, i think your talking to the wrong person.. try a mirror - Ant

You're stupid because you're blonde.

Comeback: calm down people. im blonde, and im not stupid. if the same applies to you, then have the intelligence to just read it and move on. - calm it

Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?

Comeback: Just when you're around. Someone has to stoop to your level when there is no one else around. - Elb

If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.

Comeback: Poof be gone, you're breath is to strong I don't wanna be mean. But you need listerine, not a sip not a swallow but the whole friggin' bottle. - Chase

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: is that where you dad found the condoms too? - Raycheal

You're as useless as a knitted condom.

Comeback: What, the same kind of condom your dad used? - Jeff

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

Comeback: At least mine isn't just a pile of broken twigs - ... :/

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Comeback: What are you talking abou? You won't even be able to afford a phone - SWK

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

Comeback: You so ugly people dress up like you on halloween - BlackOps Nike Youtube

At least when I do a handstand my stomach doesn't hit me in the face.

Comeback: At least when I do a handstand my boobs do - Diana

I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

Comeback: baby in like a firefighter I find them hot and leave them wet - Dustin

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Comeback: are you african? Cuz african love you - Are you african

If you were a booger I would pick you first.

Comeback: if you were a booger i'd flick you first - Melly

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Comeback: i don'e exactly hate you, but if you were slipping off a cliff I would go get my lawn chair and watch you fall, then leave and blame your death on a suicide. DREADFUL. :) He was too ugly to stand living in this world - LOL:)

What is your favorite color? [Color] Mine too!

Comeback: Guy: What's your favorite color? Girl: Pink! Guy: Mine too! Girl: Cool! We should hang out sometime. (6 months later) Girl: I'm so happy to have an a extremely gay friend like you! - Don't Bother

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: Your momma must have been a beaver for you to have bucked teeth like that! - Nichols

You're stupid because you're blonde.

Comeback: Forget the ugly tree, you fell out the ugly forest. AND hit every branch on the way down. - insltgenerator

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Comeback: If brains were gold you would be very poor. - sibuna4180

If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Comeback: I don't think that you can jump that high. - George

If you're gonna be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an ass.

Comeback: I am smart and I am an ass, but your just a strait dumbass. - Connor

Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

Comeback: Well at least my asinine simian countenance is more alluring than your stench which is approximative to that of a raw aborted faetus - Daniel E

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.

Comeback: Funny that it's a jab at intelligence and you used the wrong form of 'your' - Name

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

Comeback: Okay, well while my face is curing, your face is killing innocent people every time you leave the house. - yoMAMA

You're not funny, but your life, now that's a joke.

Comeback: That is pretty funny but so was your mom's face when she found out the condom didn't work - ... :/

You're so fat, you could sell shade.

Comeback: At least I would be appreciated for something unlike you - ... :/

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.

Comeback: That's okay, there's a discount for your intelligence as well. - Unidentified

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Comeback: God gave me two hands and two middle fingers for you. - Amen

I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.

Comeback: Sweetheart, I wasn't born with enough fists to push into your ugly ass face. - Not Enough Fists

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

Comeback: Good thing, too. Now I can shove it up your sorry little ass. - Anonymous

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Comeback: 3.14 djsd jedr oewur oeu rou qew r ewr ewr e e e r er er e r er e r e r er er e r er e r e e r er e r ere r e r er e re dsfe fe r er e r tr t r rt r tr tr t - n

You're so fat, you could sell shade.

Comeback: These other people in the comebacks sound like they're so fat they don't even need the internet to be worldwide - MNMT

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Comeback: You'll be the one on life support after I'm done with you! - Roaster

You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat.

Comeback: And you couldn't pour water out of a boot that had instructions on the heel - GunHoLow

Hey, you have somthing on your chin... no, the 3rd one down

Comeback: Your so fat that when dracula sucked your blood he got diabetes - mac

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Comeback: At least mine wasn't from the abortion factory - Intellectual handiwork

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: your so stupid that you'd wait for a stop sign to turn green - that girl is a real crowd pleaser

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.

Comeback: Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers the middle ones for you!!!!!!!ðŸ‘ŒâœŒðŸ‘ðŸ™ŠðŸ˜†ðŸ˜ðŸ˜°ðŸ˜¬ðŸ’ª - Kylie

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Comeback: I'd do the same thing if you had a life - Andy

Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?

Comeback: good i idea i do think its time for u to take off.. and leave - chris

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Comeback: Your face is a disgrace to humanity. - Some dude

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

Comeback: Imma say that to this boy everybody likes. He's always making fun of me. This'll shut his dang piehole. - shemama133

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Comeback: Roses are red violets are blue when God gave out brains where the heck were u - selam

You look like a before picture.

Comeback: You look like an after picture from a car accident - Lightning

Hey, you have somthing on your chin... no, the 3rd one down

Comeback: Bruh.. you have more chins then the Chinese phone book - Bruh

Your asinine simian countenance alludes that your fetid stench has anulled the anthropoid ape species diversity.

Comeback: If i ate a bowl of alphabet soup, i could shit out a better diss than that - Kool

Was your Dad a baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns.

Comeback: Girl:Was your dad a donkey? because you really are an ass Guy:Very close, he was an Alpha monkey. Girl: what?!?!? U r pathetic! Guy:I know, I'm pathetically in love with u - PIMP

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Comeback: Hahaha, that's funny. Guess what? Maybe if you swallowed some of that makeup, you'll be pretty on the inside, bitch. - DemonComebackMaster

You have two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

Comeback: Your brain has two parts:the left side and the right side. Your left side has nothing right in it and your right side has nothing left in it. - Jason

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.

Comeback: You also took the IQ test and the results were "hopeless" - Jadobro

What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?

Comeback: No they left it open for when you're ready to go back in - Tom

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Comeback: d?! - n

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Comeback: Who are you? The telephone manager? I may be dumb, but gravity exists. - n

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

Comeback: Al least i wasn't mistaken as a stray ( insert animal name) by animal control - me

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

Comeback: Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you. - Auky

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

Comeback: your so ugly when you auditioned for a TV show they had to censor your face - mac

If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Comeback: Shit, before go do your cinematic free fall let me go grab a beer and some popcorn. - K.L

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: Get the cum outa ur ears and listen - that girl is a real crowd pleaser

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

Comeback: like you know what a highway is i bet you dont even know the definition of accident oh its you - Yourmama

I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

Comeback: im not saying i hate u but if u got run over by a bus, id be driving that bus. ;) - Mr Bureed A'live

Shock me, say something intelligent.

Comeback: whats the point? you wouldnt understand it! - sidharth

If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

Comeback: If brains were gas, you couldn't power an ants motorcycle around the inside of a Cheerio. - Freddy

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head

Comeback: You wanna lose 20 pounds of stupidity? Cut off your head - Jamie

Roses Are Red Roasts and the Best Comebacks, Ranked by Readers - Part 2

Top Rated Comebacks and Roast Replies

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