Pick-Up Lines

Jokes

Keep the Jokes short and sweet. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny in the end. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Don't waste your memory on long boring jokes, these are nice and easy to memorize and cheer up your friends.

Pickup Line	Rating	Votes
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? -- Damn		2
Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level, and then beat you with experience.		5
What if there were no hypothetical situations?		1
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it.		1
I pretend to work here, they pretend to pay me.		2
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.		1
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'		1
Make crime pay, become a lawyer.		5
What do you call a fish with no eyes? -- A fsh		3
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? -- His lips are moving.		4
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.		4
A blonde walked into a bar -- OUCHH!!!		3
Q:Do you talk to your wife after sex? A:Depends, if I can find the phone!		3
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?		3
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".		2
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.		2
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.		2
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.		3
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.		2
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time! I think I've forgotten this before?		1
The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key!		2
Q. What's pink and fluffy A. Pink fluff		1
Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.		1
A magician was driving down the road -- then he turned into a drive way.
Q. What's blue and fluffy A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering? A: Shoot her again.
What do you call an Irishman who sits outside all night? Paddy O' Furniture
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.
How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? -- Shine a light into her ear.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head.
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun? A. I just love baskin’ robins.
I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was missing!
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Q: Why do you always find things in the last place you look? A: Duh!
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don’t like to interrupt her.
Is this insecticide good for beetles. - No, it’ll kill them!
If con is the opposite of pro, it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?
Doctor: You’re overweight. Patient: I think I want a second opinion. Doctor: You're also ugly.
Q. What’s a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A. Beer in each hand!
Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Crime doesn't pay? Does that mean my job is a crime?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Stop worrying about your job, you're not paid enough to worry.