Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
What was Forrest Gump's email password? -- 1forrest1
What's the difference between a 16'' pizza and a musician? -- A 16" pizza can feed a family of four.
So what's your moisture level?
Why do reindeer tell such good stories? Because they all have tails
What is green, white, and red all over? A sunburned elf
Wanna come over and watch Left Behind?
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
What type of potato chip is Santa's favorite? Crisp Pringles
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
I've got some new rubbers, so it's ok to sow my wild oats if it gets too wet in the field.
You make me want to spend the rest of my meaningless life silently despairing over the thought that you'll find a better man than I and take the kids when you leave.
If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.
Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later, they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.
Smartphones are the new pacifiers
The Hong Kong businessman left a huge estate when he died. It was the great will of China.
What do you give a train conductor for Christmas? Platform shoes
Baby you light up my diwali like nobody else.
Would you mind reaching into your heart and getting me a piece of ice?
What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.
Wanna come over and see my vinyl collection?
Girl you must be blue, because you're the hottest star around right now.
You're so hot, you put the desi in desirable.
I'd like to grease you up like a pig and chase you round the barnyard.
You're a fine piece of acreage.
Distance runners do it longer.
I know you pregnant but when you drop that one off, I'd love to put another one in u.
Oh, you're straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet.
My resume is just a list of things I hope I never get asked to do.
Do you know anything about fornication? Would you like to know more?
You look like you could use some help rubbing in that tanning oil.
I really like your carboys.
I was looking for treasure and I think I found some.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket? Cause I'm diggin that ass!
Are we head-to-wind because I think I luff you.
What do you call two gay Irish men? -- Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.
Your doghouse or mine?
Ladies if you saw how good I take care of my yards, just imagine how I'd take care of your heart.
How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? -- She fits into your wife's clothes
Do you believe in love at first sip or should I take another?
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
What is the #1 Christmas present? A broken drum – you can't beat it
Are you in the Air Force? Cause your hotter than the engine of an F-22A Raptor.
I've just torn up a note pad and wrapped it around my stomach; it was a waist of paper.
If you need to practice that stage kiss, im always here for you.
Are you David Beckham? Because I'd bend for you.
5/4 of people admit that they're bad with fractions.
Why do Java developers wear glasses? -- Because they can't C#
I wanna rope you, but I don't want to give you rope burn.
I can't believe they don't serve Everclear in this place!
Call the cops... See who comes first.
I'm not anti-social... I'm just not user friendly.
You Sexy, You Fine. I Really Wanna Make You Mine.
Your existence is proof that natural selection has failed miserably, allowing the weakest and most repugnant specimens to survive.
What did the cow say on Christmas morning? Mooooey Christmas
What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a knife. Get in the car.
What never eats at Christmas dinner? The turkey – it's stuffed
You must be a verdict, because you've sentenced me to love.
Are you a sugar maple? Because I'd totally tap you.
Do I confuse your sexuality yet or should i walk by again?
That bathing suit would look a lot better on the floor next to my bed.
Is your name Justin? Because I want to be Just In you.
Hey babe are you a swimmer? Cause you've been swimming through my mind all day.
Excuse me... Do these shorts make me look fast?
I've got a bed in the back of my truck, seems there's too much room for one...
I wouldn't mind if your beaver built a dam in my river.
What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? -- A bachelor.
Hey girl, is your name 400 IM? 'Cause you took my breath away.
Dancing without you would be like a broken pencil, pointless.
I have 8 inches of plastic for you.
Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of U wrapped up in it
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop? -- Shoe!
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I love to make good wine bet I can make you whine good too.
You remind me of a Twinkie. Every time I bite into you, you cream in my mouth.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It's a whisk I was willing to take.
Are you Barça? Cause you always have possession of my heart.
Can I call you my Na-boo?
I'm not gay. I prefer the term vaginavore.
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay
Is your name Virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly.
Are you Broca's Aphasia? Because you leave me speechless...
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
Blood is red, cyanosis is blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you.
Hey baby, Is your name clinical depression? Because you make me want to stay in bed all day trapped beneath your weight.
Cottons not the only thing I'll be picking up tonight.
What do you call a fat girl dancing in a club? Alone.
Nice ass... what time does it open?
I don't usually like being shocked, but when I saw you I was almost knocked off my feet!
On scale of one to 10, you're a poutine.
Do you like a player who uses the backboard, or takes it straight to the hole?
Are you the deep end? Because I'm ready to dive right in.
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
Are you feline the connection between us?
Can we still share a netflix account?
Hey chef, are you a recipe? Because you have all the ingredients to make me melt.
Ignore the ray bans. There is nothing shade-y about me.
