Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Wanna come over and watch Left Behind?
Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later, they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
I've got some new rubbers, so it's ok to sow my wild oats if it gets too wet in the field.
Smartphones are the new pacifiers
I know you pregnant but when you drop that one off, I'd love to put another one in u.
Ladies if you saw how good I take care of my yards, just imagine how I'd take care of your heart.
I'd like to grease you up like a pig and chase you round the barnyard.
You're a fine piece of acreage.
My resume is just a list of things I hope I never get asked to do.
Wanna come over and see my vinyl collection?
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a knife. Get in the car.
You Sexy, You Fine. I Really Wanna Make You Mine.
What was the librarians favorite Christmas song? Silent Night
Would you mind reaching into your heart and getting me a piece of ice?
Distance runners do it longer.
Are you David Beckham? Because I'd bend for you.
Girl you must be blue, because you're the hottest star around right now.
Are you in the Air Force? Cause your hotter than the engine of an F-22A Raptor.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Are we head-to-wind because I think I luff you.
Why do Java developers wear glasses? -- Because they can't C#
Do you believe in love at first sip or should I take another?
What do you call two gay Irish men? -- Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.
I love a man with a raised bed.
I've just torn up a note pad and wrapped it around my stomach; it was a waist of paper.
You look like you could use some help rubbing in that tanning oil.
Oh, you're straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet.
Do you know anything about fornication? Would you like to know more?
I wanna rope you, but I don't want to give you rope burn.
Your existence is proof that natural selection has failed miserably, allowing the weakest and most repugnant specimens to survive.
I really like your carboys.
How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? -- She fits into your wife's clothes
I was looking for treasure and I think I found some.
I'm not anti-social... I'm just not user friendly.
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket? Cause I'm diggin that ass!
Can we still share a netflix account?
Is your name Justin? Because I want to be Just In you.
Are you feline the connection between us?
I've got a bed in the back of my truck, seems there's too much room for one...
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay
What type of potato chip is Santa's favorite? Crisp Pringles
Hey baby, Is your name clinical depression? Because you make me want to stay in bed all day trapped beneath your weight.
What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? -- A bachelor.
How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
What is green, white, and red all over? A sunburned elf
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
How to you wake Lady Gaga? Poke 'er face.
Do you like a player who uses the backboard, or takes it straight to the hole?
Are you Broca's Aphasia? Because you leave me speechless...
Do I confuse your sexuality yet or should i walk by again?
Why do reindeer tell such good stories? Because they all have tails
Blood is red, cyanosis is blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
The Hong Kong businessman left a huge estate when he died. It was the great will of China.
This food's going to taste great! Don't worry, you will too.
What do you call a fat girl dancing in a club? Alone.
Are you a sugar maple? Because I'd totally tap you.
I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It's a whisk I was willing to take.
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
Excuse me... Do these shorts make me look fast?
I wouldn't mind if your beaver built a dam in my river.
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
Dancing without you would be like a broken pencil, pointless.
On scale of one to 10, you're a poutine.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
I'm not gay. I prefer the term vaginavore.
You remind me of a Twinkie. Every time I bite into you, you cream in my mouth.
Hey babe are you a swimmer? Cause you've been swimming through my mind all day.
Ignore the ray bans. There is nothing shade-y about me.
I don't usually like being shocked, but when I saw you I was almost knocked off my feet!
I'd swim across the ocean just to see you smile.
Are you ready to board?
Nice ass... what time does it open?
Hey girl, is your name 400 IM? 'Cause you took my breath away.
Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of U wrapped up in it
That bathing suit would look a lot better on the floor next to my bed.
Happy Turkey Day, America! Don't forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.
I have 8 inches of plastic for you.
I must be from Alderaan, because you just blew up my world.
Are you the deep end? Because I'm ready to dive right in.
Can I call you my Na-boo?
Life is scary; at least the salary is funny.
Are you Barça? Cause you always have possession of my heart.
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
You know, bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night.
Baby I can be Spain and you can be Ireland, tonight. In other words, I'm gonna screw you hard!
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
When I want your remarks, I'll rattle your cage.
Call the cops... See who comes first.
You need to talk to your Bishop about the word of wisdom, because you are smokin'.
I love a good South of the border crossing.
Excuse me, can you spot me? I think I'm falling for you.
I've got a little something for you to gobble on.
What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.
What did the cow say on Christmas morning? Mooooey Christmas
