Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
Your car's exhaust emits a noxious cloud of pollutants, contributing to the degradation of the environment.
The brakes on your car are about as effective as using a feather to stop a charging bull.
Your car's fuel efficiency is laughable, guzzling gas like a thirsty elephant in a desert.
The suspension of your car is as stiff as a board, providing a bone-jarring experience with every bump.
Is that an M4 or are you just happy to see me?
I can't be fired. Slaves are sold!
You won't believe it but I'm shocking in bed.
What do you call an Irishman covered in boils? -- A leper-chaun.
Nice bible. I would like to pray with you.
I hope you don't object to this leading question but, you want me don't you?
I want to slam dunk your face with my face.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
I may not be Heath, but I can sure balance your ledger.
Hey baby, I have a green card.
Where have you been all my lives?
Wanna come over to myspace so I could twitter your yahoo till you google all over my facebook.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
Hey baby, are you a fish? Because you like FINtastic.
Do you like jalapeños? Cause in a minute I'll be jalapeño pants tonigh.
I do not like work even when someone else does it.
Psst.. Hey babe, I got some nip
Are you a cartographer? Because you have mileage markers in all the right places.
Are you COPD? ‘Cause you take my breath away.
You make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism? Cause you're making me breathless..
If I was a ref would you blow my whistle?
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? -- There's one less drunk.
Is that a Easter egg in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I usually Han Solo, but I'd let you turn on my light saber!
To a 4 banger - Sounds like all the masters are running.
You're not just somebunny... you're my bunny.
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
Are you a touch pad? Because I'd be the first to tap that.
Are you a sprint set? Because baby, you take my breath away.
Boy, I wanna go swimming but I'm already drowning in your eyes.
Let's not keep score so we can keep it at love.
I don't normally pick up at the park. I let my owner do it.
Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Is that your dog's tail wagging or are you just happy to see me?
I'll let you sniff mine if i can sniff yours.
Doggy style?
I've crossed all the dog parks in the world to find you.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
ee, your ass smells terrific!
You make me want to be a more obedient dog.
My name must be John Deere cause I'm totally a Tractored to you.
Are you in the outfield? Because you're an angel.
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
I've always wanted to be a farmer's wife.
I'll tell you how many acres I farm.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
If I was a boulder problem, would you flash me?
I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize.
You know, women firefighters are professional hose handlers.
Who was the slowest of the ancient Greek philosophers? Aristurtle.
I brought an extra air mattress, would like to lay out in the pool with me?
I can feel something brewing between the two of us.
Yea I'm like pizza. You can have me all at once or save me for several days.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I want to stuff your crust.
I'm just like a pizza. I'll fill you up tonight and still be there in the morning when you're ready for more.
What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
Wanna put your anchor in my harbor?
Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed.
Did you just fall out of a B-17? Because you're the bomb.
I'm the boot, you're the lace holding me together.
Can I be one of the men in your box?
Country boys don't need pick-up lines, because they've got pick-up trucks.
Are you equity? Cos my assets don't equal liabilities without you.
Is your battery dead? Cause I'd love to jump you.
I don't work weekends, or any other day that ends in Y.
I may not play the guitar but I can pluck your g-string.
If you were a youtube video, I would watch you intensely at night without anybody knowing.
Our parents engaged us when we were little... they must have forgotten to tell you.
Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.
Of all the Stars in all the Galaxy, you had to hitch your planet to mine.
Hey babe, can I colonize your land and exploit you for your natural resources.
You have a face that could make a train take a dirt road.
I gave up hotties for Lent. Thank God Easter is here.
Are you Ivanovic? Because I'd sure take a bite out of you.
Would you like to join me for brunch? You're looking eggstra-special.
The force is strong with this one.
Your smile glows brighter than a lightsaber.
I would hit that like the side of a tree on Endor.
Why was the JavaScript developer sad? -- Because he didn't Node how to Express himself.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Are you a toaster? Cause I'd be down to take a bath with you.
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?
I'd love to take it to the hole and drop it in your Hoop!
Sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart.
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?
A. I just love baskin' robins.
What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday, eight hours.
The mere sight of your car is an insult to the very concept of automotive design, a middle finger to aesthetics.
Whats a ghost's favorate type of car? - A boo-ick
You just know me too well, and that freaks me out.
