Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Hey, I lost my underwear, can I see yours?
Psst.. Hey babe, I got some nip
What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day? - Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
I'm French Horny for your tromboner.
Where have you been all my lives?
I will treat you how i treat my scriptures.
Is that a double ended vibrator in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I just washed my face. So you have a clean place to sit.
Hey wanna play softball, we can take turns pitching and catching.
I am a hot lesbian, hold my hand.
Sorry, baby. I thought it was hump day...
Pee here often?
Hey girl, I love your modest tan lines.
Will you teach my tongue how to surf?
First rule for a patient is to remove all restricting clothing, can I go ahead and start now?
Come on, don't make me beg!
Are you Crisitano? Because you've definitely won my Ballon d'Ors.
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
If I was a ref would you blow my whistle?
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
You can quit swimming after your dreams, I'm right here.
Nice bible. I would like to pray with you.
Baby I'm about to line up in your neutral zone.
I usually Han Solo, but I'd let you turn on my light saber!
Did you know that you burn 2.8 calories a minute while slow dancing. Wanna work out?
To a 4 banger - Sounds like all the masters are running.
There's 900 square feet in a volleyball court, and I still find my way directly to you.
Can you feel that universal energy flowing from me to you?
Are you equity? Cos my assets don't equal liabilities without you.
Country boys don't need pick-up lines, because they've got pick-up trucks.
Is your battery dead? Cause I'd love to jump you.
I'm the boot, you're the lace holding me together.
Did you just fall out of a B-17? Because you're the bomb.
Wanna put your anchor in my harbor?
Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.
I'm just like a pizza. I'll fill you up tonight and still be there in the morning when you're ready for more.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I want to stuff your crust.
Of all the Stars in all the Galaxy, you had to hitch your planet to mine.
I brought an extra air mattress, would like to lay out in the pool with me?
Yea I'm like pizza. You can have me all at once or save me for several days.
You know, women firefighters are professional hose handlers.
I can feel something brewing between the two of us.
The force is strong with this one.
If I was a boulder problem, would you flash me?
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
Your smile glows brighter than a lightsaber.
I would hit that like the side of a tree on Endor.
Hey babe, can I colonize your land and exploit you for your natural resources.
You're like an N95 mask—irreplaceable and essential.
I'll tell you how many acres I farm.
I've always wanted to be a farmer's wife.
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
My name must be John Deere cause I'm totally a Tractored to you.
You make me want to be a more obedient dog.
Let's not keep score so we can keep it at love.
An Irish man walks out of a bar...oh, right, stumbles out of a bar
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
Boy, I wanna go swimming but I'm already drowning in your eyes.
Are you a touch pad? Because I'd be the first to tap that.
Are you a sprint set? Because baby, you take my breath away.
If you were a youtube video, I would watch you intensely at night without anybody knowing.
Why was the JavaScript developer sad? -- Because he didn't Node how to Express himself.
Who needs drugs that will stimulate dopamine transmission when simply being with you does the trick.
How do you catch an Ether Bunny? -- With an Ethernet.
I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize.
I may not play the guitar but I can pluck your g-string.
Your ugliness is so profound, it could make a horror movie director run out of ideas.
One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday, eight hours.
I don't normally pick up at the park. I let my owner do it.
Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.
Is that your dog's tail wagging or are you just happy to see me?
I'd love to take it to the hole and drop it in your Hoop!
I'll let you sniff mine if i can sniff yours.
Doggy style?
I've crossed all the dog parks in the world to find you.
You have a face that could make a train take a dirt road.
ee, your ass smells terrific!
Excuse me, could you help me out? I have an incredible itch that's buried deep in my butt.
Whats a ghost's favorate type of car? - A boo-ick
Can I be one of the men in your box?
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye
You just know me too well, and that freaks me out.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? - To stop his coffin.
What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
Vampires won't be the only thing I'm slaying tonight.
Sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart.
Are you cold? Cause I can be your sweater.
Are you in the outfield? Because you're an angel.
What instrument do skeleton play? - Trom-BONE.
I lost my number. I'd ask for yours, but I'd probably lose your number too.
Are you Barça or Dortmund? Because even if you lose, you're still a winner in my eyes.
Are you a toaster? Cause I'd be down to take a bath with you.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Easy Bottom?
Are you made out of grapes? Because you are fine as wine!
Girl, are you Canadian? because I feel sorry for myself.
Are you Ivanovic? Because I'd sure take a bite out of you.
I saved you a seat...on my face.
Where does a ghost refuel his porche? - At a ghastly station.
