Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Where have you been all my lives?
Will you teach my tongue how to surf?
Congratulations, you've managed to achieve a level of ugliness that defies all known standards of aesthetics.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her sooner than she thought you would.
I'm French Horny for your tromboner.
Your face is a visual assault, a crime against humanity that should be punishable by law.
Did you know that you burn 2.8 calories a minute while slow dancing. Wanna work out?
First rule for a patient is to remove all restricting clothing, can I go ahead and start now?
Can you feel that universal energy flowing from me to you?
Nice bible. I would like to pray with you.
Psst.. Hey babe, I got some nip
There's 900 square feet in a volleyball court, and I still find my way directly to you.
I brought an extra air mattress, would like to lay out in the pool with me?
I gave up hotties for Lent. Thank God Easter is here.
Is your battery dead? Cause I'd love to jump you.
Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed.
Would you like to join me for brunch? You're looking eggstra-special.
You're not just somebunny... you're my bunny.
Your car's exterior is so hideous, it could make a blind person weep tears of agony.
Driving your car is like subjecting yourself to a torture chamber on wheels, where discomfort and disappointment are your constant companions.
Are you equity? Cos my assets don't equal liabilities without you.
Are you made out of grapes? Because you are fine as wine!
What do your boss and a slinky have in common? They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
Looking at your car is like witnessing a tragic accident, a horrifying reminder of the consequences of poor automotive judgment.
Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.
I don't work weekends, or any other day that ends in Y.
One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday, eight hours.
Who needs drugs that will stimulate dopamine transmission when simply being with you does the trick.
You make me want to be a more obedient dog.
Country boys don't need pick-up lines, because they've got pick-up trucks.
I'm just like a pizza. I'll fill you up tonight and still be there in the morning when you're ready for more.
ee, your ass smells terrific!
Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I want to stuff your crust.
I've crossed all the dog parks in the world to find you.
Doggy style?
I'll let you sniff mine if i can sniff yours.
Is that your dog's tail wagging or are you just happy to see me?
Yea I'm like pizza. You can have me all at once or save me for several days.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
'I got lost in the streets of Paris,' he said ruefully.
Of all the Stars in all the Galaxy, you had to hitch your planet to mine.
Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.
I can feel something brewing between the two of us.
I'm the boot, you're the lace holding me together.
I don't normally pick up at the park. I let my owner do it.
Did you just fall out of a B-17? Because you're the bomb.
Who was the slowest of the ancient Greek philosophers? Aristurtle.
Your car's audio system sounds like a cacophony of dying cats, assaulting the ears of anyone unfortunate enough to listen.
Wanna put your anchor in my harbor?
If you were a youtube video, I would watch you intensely at night without anybody knowing.
Hey babe, can I colonize your land and exploit you for your natural resources.
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Easy Bottom?
The force is strong with this one.
Your smile glows brighter than a lightsaber.
I would hit that like the side of a tree on Endor.
Are you in the outfield? Because you're an angel.
I may not play the guitar but I can pluck your g-string.
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?
How do you catch an Ether Bunny? -- With an Ethernet.
You know, women firefighters are professional hose handlers.
Excuse me, could you help me out? I have an incredible itch that's buried deep in my butt.
Can I be one of the men in your box?
If I was a boulder problem, would you flash me?
You just know me too well, and that freaks me out.
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
Let's not keep score so we can keep it at love.
You're outstanding in your field, and that's where you should be,
My name must be John Deere cause I'm totally a Tractored to you.
Your car is a complete and utter piece of shit, a rolling testament to your poor life choices and lack of taste.
Boy, I wanna go swimming but I'm already drowning in your eyes.
Are you a touch pad? Because I'd be the first to tap that.
Our parents engaged us when we were little... they must have forgotten to tell you.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
I've always wanted to be a farmer's wife.
Vampires won't be the only thing I'm slaying tonight.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart.
Are you a sprint set? Because baby, you take my breath away.
What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
I saved you a seat...on my face.
I'll tell you how many acres I farm.
What do you call a Irish man with a piece of glass behind both ears? -- Paddy O'Doors.
Are you Barça or Dortmund? Because even if you lose, you're still a winner in my eyes.
I was reading my Bible the other day, and I was wondering if you know what Paul meant by "greet one another with a holy kiss?"
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Your ugliness is so profound, it could make a horror movie director run out of ideas.
Are you Ivanovic? Because I'd sure take a bite out of you.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye
I lost my number. I'd ask for yours, but I'd probably lose your number too.
Girl, are you Canadian? because I feel sorry for myself.
Are you a toaster? Cause I'd be down to take a bath with you.
I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize.
If there was a contest for the ugliest person in the world, you'd win by a landslide.
I'd love to take it to the hole and drop it in your Hoop!
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
Why was the JavaScript developer sad? -- Because he didn't Node how to Express himself.
