Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
Let me be your nebula so you can be my baby star.
My ears are not the only things that are long!
When does your brother bring his new girlfriend to dinner? Skanksgiving.
Looking at you is like staring into the abyss of ugliness, a never-ending nightmare.
Do you need prayer? Because I'm certainly willing to lay hands on you.
Dad I'm hungry ... Hi hungry I'm dad
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
I don't want to hold you back.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world
There's a place in my heart spiked just for you.
If I flip this coin, what are my chances of getting either head or tail?
You can be the queen of my kingdom.
Are you from Sheffield? Because you're steeling my heart.
How do I tell my dog he was adopted?
There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.
Ever do it on a portoledge?
What kind of gum do ghosts chew? - Boo Boo Gum.
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart
Did it hurt when you fell from Cloud City?
That hijab really compliments your eyes.
Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? - He didn't have the guts.
Are you going to ask me out soon, or do I need to call a delay of game penalty?
My roses aren't the only things with long stems.
I'm just like an easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
If you were a script, I'd never go off book.
I'll be your xena if you be my Gabrielle...
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
That's a nice black lace Victorian-era corset. But it would look nicer crumpled up in a ball on my bedroom floor!
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
You're endor-able!
Baby are you tired because you've been running through my reticular formation all day.
What can't you give the headless horseman? - A headache.
Hey girl, are you a cow? Cause I wanna worship dat body!
Are you a tractor? Cause you'd make life on the farm easier.
Why don't ghost have bands? - They get booooed.
I just built a climbing gym in my pants and would like to offer your a chance at a first ascent.
Do you have an inhaler? 'Cause you took my breath away.
Consider this your two-minute warning... before I kiss you.
We should get matching tatooines.
Wanna get tied up and high?
Q: Why do you always find things in the last place you look?
A: Duh!
What song do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells.
Wanna come over to where I have a reasonable expectation of privacy?
My heart beats for you like my frappes beat the floor.
I hope you dont have tetnus cause tonight your gonna nail me
Does your stomach need a tissue? Cause you've got sick abs.
Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
Here's my number. Just in case you ever need a grappling partner without a shirt... or pants.
Hey, can I have a lock of your hair? Cause I want to make a clone of you.
Baby, I may have ridden that bronco for 8 seconds, but I'll last a helluva longer on you.
Your car's acceleration is slower than a snail on tranquilizers, a true embodiment of sluggishness.
They say to bat me 2nd because I'm a good 2-hole hitter.
It's a good thing same-sex marriage is legal here, because I'm already planning our wedding.
Are you a boxer? Well you should be, you're one hell of a knock out!
Your eyes are worth at least 100 horses.
Is your daddy a boxer? No Why? Because you're one hell of a knock out!
You'll be receiving a package soon.
You wanna ride to starbucks? Cause I like a little cream in my coffee.
I love the way your Abaya flows when you walk.
You know I liked you before anybody else even knew who you were.
What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn't move? Santa Pause
You're better than the Summer Olympics, you were worth waiting a whole lifetime for.
What do zombies put on their Christmas turkey? Grave-y
I wanna flush your pipes, baby.
If everyone is the general rule, to me you are the only exception.
If I were recycled paper, would you be my organic ink?
What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer!
I must have a nuerodegenerative disease because I've forgotten your number cutie.
Why does Santa do in his garden? He hoe hoe hoes
We're having a penis-measuring contest over there. Do you have a yardstick that we could borrow?
What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door
What is Santa's favorite Olympic event? North Pole-vault
What song did the guests sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party? Freeze a jolly fellow
Are you a jalebi? Because there's nothing sweeter than you!
Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it?
I feel like I'm in the Arctic, because when I'm with you it's like the sun never sets.
You can treat me like a stack of hay, and you can bale with me.
There are 30 billion grains of sand on this beach, but there's only one you.
I think our timing is off.
Your feet made me lower my gaze.
Do you like that Katy Perry song : I kissed A Girl.
The smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.
I like breakfast in bed, so why don't you just come sit on my face?
We don't make each other happy.
I seem to have sand in my bathing suit, wanna help me get it out?
Honey, are you a coffee? 'Cause you wake up my senses.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Girl you're like a pizza. I want like 3 more of you and I don't wanna share.
You bring the apples i'll bring the honey
I know you're a knockout, so how'd you get me in this submission?
I never knew hellish demons flew so close to the ground.
Girl is your face from McDonald's? Cause I'm loving it.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around.
