Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I wanna put your pork on my fork.
You can tell a lot about a man by the size of his yield.
Is your name Sunshine? Because you are “In my soul todayâ€.
Is that corn in your silo, or did you have to plant barley this year too?
Do you go to church? Because you're the answer to my prayers!
I get fresh eggs daily.
Baby, we'll never have to run to the store for milk.
I have a six pack and an empty buddy seat.
Why don't we head over to my pick-up truck and turnip the beet?
I would love to grease your fittings.
I'll take a half dozen organic eggs and one of you.
Hey baby, I'd love to pollinate you!
I have celeriac seedlings in the back of my car.
You have the cutest smile when you sleep.
You would be perfect for this movie I'm shooting its called Dirty Sanchez
Hey are you a solar system cause I wanna be in Uranus.
I just want you to know that, despite having no legal obligation to, I will come to your aid if you require it.
I booked us a library discussion room so we can study the 'Laws of Attraction' without disruption.
If you were a Dodge, I'd RAM you.
Id love to invest in a riding lawnmower, to eat my grass.
We don't need to get in an accident to exchange information.
Are you a med student? Because you've just aced the anatomy of my heart.
If I was a car, you'd have to write me a speeding ticket, because I never take it slow.
My lipstick would look great on the inside of your thighs.
I see you got a lot of room in your backseat.
Would you like to lubricate my camshaft?
There's nothing I won't do for you, and I'm going to keep on doing it.
You make my heart melt faster than the glaciers of the North! Seriously we should probably do something about that though.
Want to be the susceptible host to my airborne pathogen?
May I lick your boots?
You must be a field, because I can't stop gazing at your beauty.
Are you a legal memo? Because you've outlined everything I need to be happy.
You must be accounts receivable, because I've been waiting for you my whole life.
Are you dopamine? Because I just can't seem to get enough of you.
You are sexy. You are Mexican. You are a Sexican.
Are you a word thief? Becasue I've run out of things to say...
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?
I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
Baby you skin clean like dunce pikni book!
Gal Mi wan pose wid yuh likah domino
I only thought about you once today. I just never stopped.
I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
Your smile is like a supernova...brighter than anything in the universe.
Baby you full a curves like the pad aisle!
I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U...
Baby yuh sell inna Pings? Yuh luk like two yaad a wife material
Miss Sweetnees…ef mi was babylon (police) mi would haffi charge with the crime of niceness cyan done
Are you a running back? Because I want to run into your arms.
I want to rosin your bow.
The moon looks nice tonight...like your face.
I studied in France and worked harvest in Italy, I've learned some of the secrets to making great wine and I'd love to share them with you.
I have familiarized myself with all 5 love languages, in fact, I invented 4 of them.
The best way to taste this wine is from my lips.
I am no Will Wheaton, but I've got a Crusher on you.
Lower your shields and let me into your heart.
I think you're the missing piece to complete my circuit.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but there are still dinosaurs out there, right?
(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?
Are you a thief? Because you've stolen my heart. Now get in the trunk.
Your teeth are so white! They're gonna make a great necklace.
Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light-saber?
Let's get hoth and heavy.
Wow, you're gorgeous! Your head would look great in my freezer!
Tonight this Hsn doesn't want to fly solo.
Your ugliness is so all-encompassing, it's a wonder that mirrors don't shatter in your presence.
I'm here to collect the bounty on dat ass.
You have a face that could make a strong man weep tears of despair and contemplate the meaninglessness of life.
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would refuse to touch your face, knowing that it's beyond saving.
You're not allergic to duct tape are you?
I'm Wesley crushing on you
I have a good feeling about you.
One game of penochle and your desitin ass is mine.
I've seen better-looking piles of dog shit on the sidewalk than you.
How can you be from an ice planet when you're so Hoth?
Do you understand the binary language of moisture vaporators? Because I'd like to program your binary loadlifter.
That shirt looks great on you, but it would look even better in an evidence bag.
What happens if I blow on your antenna?
Can I see your garbage mashers on the detention level?
Your car's engine sounds like a dying walrus in agony, a symphony of mechanical despair.
You don't need car keys to drive me crazy. But I need them to run you over.
Baby, you must be a broom because I'm going to snap your head off and clean the floor with it.
You have a face that could turn milk sour and wilt flowers.
Those are some pretty nice Rocky Mountains you've got there.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but Paint is the same as Photoshop, right?
Yeah, you're gonna love Big Ben. Oh wait, you mean the clock.
Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.
Hey babe - are you the ex leader of the Australian Democrats because I'd love to Despoja.
Can I didgeridoo you?
If ugliness were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence without parole.
Your mirror must have the patience of a saint to endure the sight of your hideous reflection every day.
Your face is like a failed science experiment, a grotesque mutation of mismatched features.
Are you from China? Because I'm China ask you out on a date.
You and my cardiac stent have something in common, my heart needs you.
Your car's paint job is a visual assault, a nauseating combination of mismatched colors and faded dreams.
Your car's handling is so atrocious, it's like trying to navigate a drunken elephant on roller skates.
The interior of your car is a cesspool of filth and neglect, a breeding ground for bacteria and regret.
Your car's engine is a pathetic excuse for power, wheezing and struggling like a dying animal.
That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on unsolved mysteries.
Seeing you makes my face turn red with passion. No, I haven't been drinking!
If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.
