Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Hey baby, will you let me socially penetrate your triangular theory of love?
Since I'm all about chocolate, how 'bout a little sugar?
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I'm falling all over the place for you.
Baby, I really knead you right now.
Anne of Green Gables? More like Anne of Green Babeles.
I'm feeling a little off today. Will you turn me on?
Hello, eh. Girl your soft brown eyes remind me of the amazing beaver, eh.
I ordered whole wheat toast but it tasted funny. I think something was awry.
There may be plenty of gefilte fish in the kitchen, but you're the only one my bubbe approves of.
Do you have a fuse? Because you're about to ignite my passion.
I like my women like I like my dreidels... bottom heavy.
I like hookers.
Attire goes on a wheel.
A butter is an angry goat.
Rabbits like their beer brewed with a lot of hops.
The ghost never took sides during arguments. He was super neutral.
Nice to meat you, now lettuce salsa.
The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
The land where movies are made is called reel estate.
I knew I had to pay the mobster the money I owed him. It was a matter of life or debt.
Do you have a name or can I just call you abomination?
Is your dad a failure? Because you're a living testament to his incompetence.
Cryptographers make terrible drummers. They just sit there, fascinated by all the cymbals.
A no-fly zone prohibits zippers.
Do you have a name or can I call you 'ugly'?
Boy let me make you a nice, hot tamale.
Overworked physicists put too many ions in the fire.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for someone way better than you.
Are you a fresh organic apple? Because I just picked you...
Can you be the fence that keeps me from freedom?
Are you a tamale? Cuz youre hot!
The luminescent Pelican triggered an air defense alert of glow bill proportions.
The environmentalist rode his bike 20 miles in the morning and 20 more in the evening. He loved recycling.
Carrot is auto rust.
The conversation between the brain surgeon and the anaesthesiologist was mind numbing.
I met the woman of my dreams at the base of Mount Vesuvius. She is the lava my life.
I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later.
You make me feel like I just climbed out of my uncles trunk after driving 1100 miles over the border.
Can you help me meet my dissemination targets? I'll let you be in a condition of power.
Your car's exhaust emits a toxic cloud of pollution, contributing to the slow demise of our planet.
I'll let you be in a condition of power.
Oh girl you're so sweet, can I get some of your horchata?
The exhibitionist went to the store because he heard they were having a flash sale.
Get on your knees, open your mouth, and hail Xenu!
Your car's engine is a pathetic excuse for power, wheezing and struggling like a dying animal.
Perhaps you can help me with my PTP by snapping terminals with me and being my twin on some TNA processing.
My first job was peddling designer clothing. I was a Dior to Dior salesman.
Hey gurl, you lookin' a little stressed out. Why don't you let me check yo' thetan levels back at MY place?
Let's go somewhere and postulate you out of that dress.
Once you go Jew, nothing else will do
I think I recognize your name. From my Patriarchal Blessing.
There was a hiring freeze at the ice-skating rink.
Is your enchilada buttered?
Excuse me, this Yom Kippur I have no sins for which to atone. Can you help?
The interior of your car is a cesspool of filth and neglect, a breeding ground for bacteria and regret.
Your car's acceleration is slower than a snail on tranquilizers, a true embodiment of sluggishness.
Your car's handling is so atrocious, it's like trying to navigate a drunken elephant on roller skates.
Your car's paint job is a visual assault, a nauseating combination of mismatched colors and faded dreams.
Your car's engine sounds like a dying walrus in agony, a symphony of mechanical despair.
Your car's performance is as pathetic as your life choices, a constant reminder of mediocrity.
Is that a dreidel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a gadianton robber? Because you just stole my heart.
Can I take your temperature? Because you're looking hot today.
Where there is a pulse there is a chance.
If I go into cardiac arrest will you give me mouth to mouth?
Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw a girl as beautiful as you, I would have 5 cents!
You make me vasodilate!
Is your medulla inflamed? Because you made my heart skip a beat!
I'd compare you to my mother, but I don't want to go down that Freudian slippery slope.
My Liahona pointed to you.
You remind me of the Ka'aba - I could walk around you all day long.
Hey babe can I become your mehram for the hajj?
We can do coffee or do it twice, either way I'll get you a double double.
I didn't trip over my robe, I fell for you.
Girl, you're thicker than Baffin Island.
Can I have ur number so I can wake you up for fajr?
Like Little Caesar's pizza I'm always hot and ready.
Hey, you like chorizo?
That's a nice burka. Can I talk you out of it?
Are you a cubed dice, roughly a quarter of an inch on every side? Because you're fine.
Hey baby, wanna lick my spoon?
Did you know that my dong is an 8.0 on the rectal scale?
You're so beautiful, You would make hur-al-ayn jealous.
There's a fiesta in my gauchos and you and your maracas are definitely invited!
I hope Jamaican yourself feel okay because I bet I can make you feel better with my hands.
Your taco meat looks spicy, can I stuff your muff?
If there was an award for the ugliest motherfucker on the planet, you'd win it without any competition.
Girl, you can be my Taco Belle.
Mi love yuh more than cook food
For the price of that drink you could have had me for the night.
Girl you body set up good like the ice inna me freezer!
People avoid you like the plague, not just because of your ugliness, but because you radiate a putrid stench of repulsiveness.
Your mirror must be traumatized from having to reflect your hideous visage day after day.
I'd let you cross my border.
Your ugliness is so intense, it's like a punch in the face to anyone unfortunate enough to gaze upon you.
I got the chorizo, you bring the eggs. Un-fertilized por favor.
Instead of sealing our lips together, lets get sealed in the temple first!
Your ugliness is like a curse, a constant reminder that life can be cruel and unforgiving.
