Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Excuse me, there's something wrong with the number on this check. It isn't yours.
There may be plenty of gefilte fish in the kitchen, but you're the only one my bubbe approves of.
You must be a tensile force, because you're elongating my member.
Ohhh so is yuh ah di stop traffic gal
Baby a weh u get dah bumpa deh?
My number's imaginary, can I have yours?
I know your name's not Little Albert, but I can make you scream.
Let me Freudian slip into you tonight.
Damn girl you must be a strong magnetic field because you just induced a flow somewhere in me.
Cool necklace. is that locally handcrafted?
Did you gone through annealing, or have you always been without deformations?
You are the greatest perception of my heart's delusion!
Mi love yuh more than cook food
I like my women like I like my dreidels... bottom heavy.
My unconscious mind is urging me to talk to you.
Your ugliness is like a curse, a constant reminder of the cruelty of fate.
Girl you body set up good like the ice inna me freezer!
If you're an axon , I would be your myelin sheath.
Do come lay on my couch... With me.
Baby you're so fine my brain is changing structure just to process it.
Do you think we can make our relationship more serious and disable network sharing?
If I asked you out, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?
Girl are you a Facebook status? Cause I like you.
Do you have a privacy policy? Cause I'd love to see your fine print.
Your ego may be saying 'no', but your id is giving me a tongue bath.
Is your enchilada buttered?
How would you like to make a 301 redirect to my heart?
If you were a YouTube channel, I'd subscribe.
You activate my nucelus accumbens like no other.
Just like your paid search campaign, you've made quite the impression on me.
I had me at Amazon Prime.
People avoid you like the plague, not just because of your ugliness, but because you radiate a putrid stench of repulsiveness.
Your mirror must be traumatized from having to reflect your hideous visage day after day.
Hey baby I've got a living quarters trailer with a big bed in the front.
Are you a football jersey? Because I'd love to wear your number.
The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
The land where movies are made is called reel estate.
I knew I had to pay the mobster the money I owed him. It was a matter of life or debt.
Wanna come over to my trailer, drink some beer and see my new velvet Elvis painting?
Cryptographers make terrible drummers. They just sit there, fascinated by all the cymbals.
A no-fly zone prohibits zippers.
Are you a quarterback draw? Because you've drawn me in.
Are you a first down? Because I'd go the extra yard for you.
Overworked physicists put too many ions in the fire.
The luminescent Pelican triggered an air defense alert of glow bill proportions.
The environmentalist rode his bike 20 miles in the morning and 20 more in the evening. He loved recycling.
Carrot is auto rust.
The conversation between the brain surgeon and the anaesthesiologist was mind numbing.
I met the woman of my dreams at the base of Mount Vesuvius. She is the lava my life.
I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later.
Are you a Hail Mary pass? Because you're my last hope.
Hey, you like chorizo?
The exhibitionist went to the store because he heard they were having a flash sale.
Are you a cheerleader? Because you've got me on the edge of my seat.
My first job was peddling designer clothing. I was a Dior to Dior salesman.
There was a hiring freeze at the ice-skating rink.
You are like a live wire, hot and irresistible.
There's a fiesta in my gauchos and you and your maracas are definitely invited!
I don't need a meter to tell me that you're hot.
Are you a light switch? Because you're illuminating my world.
I ordered whole wheat toast but it tasted funny. I think something was awry.
Do you have a fuse? Because you're about to ignite my passion.
I didn't trip over my robe, I fell for you.
I like hookers.
You can spur me all night long.
You remind me of the Ka'aba - I could walk around you all day long.
Do you have a name or can I just call you abomination?
Is your dad a failure? Because you're a living testament to his incompetence.
Do you have a name or can I call you 'ugly'?
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for someone way better than you.
Can I have ur number so I can wake you up for fajr?
Baby, I really knead you right now.
That's a nice burka. Can I talk you out of it?
I must have died a shaheed and gone to heaven because you are my 72 virgins all in one.
Your taco meat looks spicy, can I stuff your muff?
Your car's handling is so atrocious, it's like trying to maneuver a drunken elephant through a minefield.
The interior of your car is a haven for filth and grime, a breeding ground for bacteria and foul odors.
Your car's suspension is as stiff as a corpse, providing a bone-shattering experience that leaves passengers longing for the sweet embrace of death.
You're so beautiful, You would make hur-al-ayn jealous.
Girl, are you a piñata? Cuz I definitely hit that.
I'd let you cross my border.
To watch you pray is a sin of its own.
You make me vasodilate!
Are you a cubed dice, roughly a quarter of an inch on every side? Because you're fine.
Don't worry ladies that isn't a pistol in my pocket.
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?
If you were a book, I'd need glasses, because you'd definitely be fine print.
Your face is like a train wreck, a horrifying disaster that leaves onlookers scarred for life.
Are you a fresh organic apple? Because I just picked you...
Congratulations, you've achieved a level of repulsiveness that defies all comprehension.
Once you go Jew, nothing else will do
Hey girl, did you come hungry in order to leave happy?
Are those Nudie Limited Edition Masa Japan jeans from outer space? Because your ass is out of this world.
Is that a dreidel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Hey baby, will you let me socially penetrate your triangular theory of love?
Boy let me make you a nice, hot tamale.
Let me show you a relaxation technique not used for systematic desensitization.
Can you be the fence that keeps me from freedom?
Excuse me, this Yom Kippur I have no sins for which to atone. Can you help?
