Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
The sight of your car makes people question the very existence of taste and style.
Congratulations, you've achieved a level of repulsiveness that defies all comprehension.
Your face is like a train wreck, a horrifying disaster that leaves onlookers scarred for life.
You have a face that could make a blind person regain their sight, only to gouge their own eyes out in horror.
Your ugliness is like a curse, a constant reminder that life can be cruel and unforgiving.
Your face looks like it was hit by a freight train, then dragged through a field of broken glass for good measure.
If there was an award for the ugliest motherfucker on the planet, you'd win it without any competition.
Your mirror must be traumatized from having to reflect your hideous visage day after day.
People avoid you like the plague, not just because of your ugliness, but because you radiate a putrid stench of repulsiveness.
You make me vasodilate!
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?
If I go into cardiac arrest will you give me mouth to mouth?
Where there is a pulse there is a chance.
Can I take your temperature? Because you're looking hot today.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to roll by again?
I'm feeling a little off today. Will you turn me on?
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I'm falling all over the place for you.
Since I'm all about chocolate, how 'bout a little sugar?
Your ugliness is like a curse, a constant reminder of the cruelty of fate.
My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky.
So, do you come out into the real world often?
If men were landing pages, I'd only want to convert on you.
I think we have a connection stronger than our wifi.
What do you say we bounce like a bad email?
I had me at Amazon Prime.
Just like your paid search campaign, you've made quite the impression on me.
If you were a YouTube channel, I'd subscribe.
How would you like to make a 301 redirect to my heart?
Do you have a privacy policy? Cause I'd love to see your fine print.
Girl are you a Facebook status? Cause I like you.
Do you think we can make our relationship more serious and disable network sharing?
Did you gone through annealing, or have you always been without deformations?
Damn girl you must be a strong magnetic field because you just induced a flow somewhere in me.
My number's imaginary, can I have yours?
You must be a tensile force, because you're elongating my member.
I'll only use rigid pipe in your rim holes.
You are like a 250 W halogen, you brighten my world.
I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you.
Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T?
Are you into kinky stuff? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? I'll let you beat me.
So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins?
You look like you can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose.
It takes balls to play golf.
You interested in trying some new balls?
Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing.
I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots.
I'm like the USA Open, hard and long!!
After 18 Holes, I can barely walk.
Look how big his putter is...
Can I show you my spitball?
If you were a baseball and I was a bat would you let me hit that?
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
My love for you is like the A's and Daric Barton: it never dies.
What's the "win probability" of me taking you home tonight, baby?
Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has.
Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
Your pitch must have hit me because I'm feeling a little faint.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but the Earth is flat, right?
You're quite the catch, baby.
Us baseball players know our way around the bases.
You're like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
Is your name Zidane? because your head is amazing.
Are you Ashley Young? Because you have me diving into your heart.
That's quite a tight end you've got there sweetheart.
You must play soccer, because you sure are a keeper!
You not only have a pretty face, I bet you're beautiful on the inside too!
I think you should come over tonight so we can practice that stage kiss...
Are you my lines? because i'll never forget you.
You're like my college audition monologue: memorable, rare, and utterly perfect for me.
To be, or not to be in bed with me? That is the question.
I'll climb you like Valjean climbed the barricade.
You're so fine, you put the font size in playbills to shame.
Hey babe, How 'bout we snort some Maalox together?
You must be opening night, because my heart races when I'm close to you.
Are you Hamilton tickets? Because I'd do literally anything to make you mine.
Are you the cast list? Because I can't stop looking at you.
Are you method acting because you're really in my head.
You ever been with a man that has Parkinson's? You won't need to do a thing. Just hold on tight and I'll do the rest.
Want to come over for some Malt Liquor and Kool-Aid?
You're going to look so good bound and gagged in our meat locker.
I love long walks on the beach, gives me just enough time to dump your body.
The greatest thing about my job is, the women never taste the arsenic.
Yo name must be Maxwell House cause baby yo ass is good til the last drop.
Wanna come back to my place and see what the inside of my trunk looks like?
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
I find your lack of nudity disturbing
Hey baby, do you want to have an abortion a month from now?
I smell that you are in season... want to breed?
Do you wipe front to back or back to front?
Hey baby, I've got a back seat with your name on it.
I'd suck a fart out of your ass.
I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you. And by home I mean knife.
Is that a cell phone in yo pocket? Cuz dat ass is callin' me!
Girl you be the 6, I'll be the 9, that's only time you'll be less than a dime.
Are you a single rider, because I'm a single rider too?
I think my medication is wearing off.
Is there a gaping wound in your side or are you just happy to see me?
