Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
We are going to have very HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
Hey handsome, do you want to play firefighters? We can practice stop, drop and roll.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? - Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Girl you body set up good like the ice inna me freezer!
Baby, I really knead you right now.
Hey girl, stay safe tonight, sleep with a fireman.
I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
What is a Mummie's favorite type of music? - Wrap!
Mi love yuh more than cook food
Hey, ever ridden a dolphin?
Hey girl, where you fin all my life?
The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.
I've never seen such a huge bulge in a man's pants... wait a minute, yes I have - mine!
Even though the chef's girlfriend was grate in many ways. She had a temper that boiled easily, was half-baked and extremely kneady.
If I had a nickel for every time I saw a girl as beautiful as you, I would have 5 cents!
Hey babe, let's do it dolphin style.
Is your name Zidane? because your head is amazing.
Baby a weh u get dah bumpa deh?
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween? - Ghoul-aid!
Bacon isn't gonna be the only piece of white meat in your mouth tonight.
Are you the nurse's station? Because I want to spend all my breaks with you.
Hey girl, you wanna strum my sitar?
If you were a TSA agent, I would be happy to get a body scan.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
You're the droid I've been looking for.
If we are in the airport, I would give you a thorough body scan, babe.
Why don't we dim sum lights?
The back seat of my new Dodge lays right down.
Hi. I'm doing my prayer list. Please put your name and number down
Your name must be Grace because you are amazing
I think you have been a bad boy, leaving your luggage unattended, I must punish you.
I'm addicted to you like an aunty to chai.
Is that a candle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
All of my most important poems and drawings are in this little book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you.
Did you hear about the herb who was an all round great guy, did loads of charity work and was always there to help? He was a Tarragon Of Virtue.
A lawyer who likes to go fishing is an attorney-at-lure.
Should you be a sticker, you would be right into my vintage set right now, babe.
It would be great to rallentando floor with you.
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
You must be a catheter, because you're draining all my worries away.
Wanna ride on my kangaroo?
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
That's a nice pair of yoga pants. Can I talk you out of them?
I bet you can't even pass airport procedures because you are simply the bomb, honey.
Let me show you why Australia started out as a penal colony...
Your downward facing dog makes my soaring crane rise.
Are you a fishing net? Because I'm tangled up in your love.
I hate red-eye flights, but I would fly all night for you.
Girl, a 12 hour time difference really wouldn't make me feel bad about you, believe me.
Are you sterile gauze? Because you've wrapped me up completely.
You look fetching today!
Want to come over for some Malt Liquor and Kool-Aid?
I asked Kermit the Frog what I should use to join the pieces of metal, but all he said was, 'Rivet, rivet.'
A day with you is like an eternity of behind-the-ear scratches.
You must be opening night, because my heart races when I'm close to you.
Girl get rid of those Dunlop balls, you deserve better.
Care to knock a few balls with me?
Baby you must be a black hole, your gravity is irresistible.
I must be a Dog Tick, because I'm stuck on you.
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
Baby you make my telescope expand.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
The most popular operation for orthopaedic surgeons is upper-leg surgery: very hip.
Molecules boiling points vary to some degree.
Fewer teeth just means more room for tongue.
Hi, I have my own cult!
Are you a piece of minimalist music? Because I keep seeing you again and again.
Abstinence leaves a lot to be desired.
Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.
Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
The Bible says to bring all our requests to God. I've prayed, and here you are.
When asked what it takes to be a great cook the chef said that it boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.
Namastay here or come home with me?
Of all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies, you had to walk into mine...
The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer's disease.
Nice asteroids.
Are you depressed yet? Cause you've been stuck in my head all day.
Are you a scrub cap? Because you're on my mind all the time.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
That's a nice burka. Can I talk you out of it?
I must have died a shaheed and gone to heaven because you are my 72 virgins all in one.
One date and I'll swachh you off your feet.
If you were a book, I'd need glasses, because you'd definitely be fine print.
I'm a poodle in the streets but a bulldog in the sheets
I love to be pawed
I may not be a cataloger, but I bet I can find a place to fit you in.
I think you might have mistaken me for a library book… you've been checking me out all day.
There are so many books here but I want to read you.
Found the poetry section. May I take you back in the stacks and read you some verses?
If I had a dime for every book I've ever read, I'd say: Wow, that's coincidental.
You must be the Lord of my flies, because they'll only unzip for you.
Like the dewey decimal system? I'm the do-it decimal system.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.
If a Monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?
Hey baby, wanna calibrate my tricorder?
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Are you a black hole? Because you keep pulling me in.
Is that a hardcover, or are you just happy to see me?
