Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
That's a nice pair of yoga pants. Can I talk you out of them?
Your downward facing dog makes my soaring crane rise.
Pardon me, but my corset has come unlaced. Could you tighten it for me?
I have a fetish for feet, can I lick your toes? Please?!
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
Can our first date be in the cemetery? I'm dying to meet you there.
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
I think you have been a bad boy, leaving your luggage unattended, I must punish you.
Astral project with me, so I question how real this reality actually is.
Should you be a sticker, you would be right into my vintage set right now, babe.
Don't you think the human voice, wailing in agony, is the most beautiful of all instruments?
I bet you can't even pass airport procedures because you are simply the bomb, honey.
Let's put the 'fun' in funeral!
Namastay here or come home with me?
Yo name must be Maxwell House cause baby yo ass is good til the last drop.
Tell me, is your heart as cold and black as your eyes?
You had me at Che.
Fewer teeth just means more room for tongue.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I saw you with him, I'm happy for you.
Can I skin you alive. I want to see your inner beauty.
I'd love to say a prayer before a meal with you sometime. How's Saturday at 7?
So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins?
I think we should start a family tree.
I can't get out of bed in the morning without a hot Americano.
You look like you can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose.
It takes balls to play golf.
You interested in trying some new balls?
You roast my heart.
Your broccoli heads are so big!
Let me show you why Australia started out as a penal colony...
Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing.
Wanna ride on my kangaroo?
I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots.
I'm like the USA Open, hard and long!!
After 18 Holes, I can barely walk.
Look how big his putter is...
You mocha me crazy!
How about you let me take you for a ride in my bobsled? By bobsled, I mean bed.
Wanna come over to my trailer, drink some beer and see my new velvet Elvis painting?
Can I show you my spitball?
If you were a baseball and I was a bat would you let me hit that?
Can I swipe right on a photograph of your reliquary?
I think the soil needs some double digging.
I want a minimum of 6 children and they will all be named after saints.
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
Are you a monstrance? Cause I'm adoring the Christ in you.
I'm a gymnast, so if you're down for some mattress yoga, count me in!
My love for you is like the A's and Daric Barton: it never dies.
What's the "win probability" of me taking you home tonight, baby?
Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has.
Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
You can spur me all night long.
Your pitch must have hit me because I'm feeling a little faint.
Do you believe in premarital sax?
Hey, baby, I have a special new mute for your f hole.
You're quite the catch, baby.
Us baseball players know our way around the bases.
You're like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
I've never seen such a huge bulge in a man's pants... wait a minute, yes I have - mine!
Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?
Why don't we dim sum lights?
Can I interest you in some of my compost?
Don't worry ladies that isn't a pistol in my pocket.
Hey baby I've got a living quarters trailer with a big bed in the front.
Is stealing my heart breaking the 8th Commandment?
What's say you and I go into a practice room and work on some harmonies together?
How about sticking a pinch of me between your cheek and gum?
I'm on my fourth hour so let's get this done so you can get me to the emergency room.
Is your name Zidane? because your head is amazing.
You got me in a heel hook and I fell for you...
Why don't we go back to my home on the range and I'll show you how the deer and the antelope play.
Damn, baby, I think you just stole my face and my heart.
Let's sneak off to the reference section and make little citations.
Are you Ashley Young? Because you have me diving into your heart.
Want to hold my shaft?
I want you to sit on my face. Seriously, if there's a chance I might lose oxygen flow and die... I'll take it.
You look fetching today!
If you jut let me hit this spin move on you one time you gone fall in love.
Are you looking for buried treasure? Explore my chest... With a knife.
A trumpet isn't the only thing I can make scream high notes.
Do you like basketball? Why I want to show my Magic Johnson.
Your dojo or mine?
Is that a cell phone in yo pocket? Cuz dat ass is callin' me!
Girl, a 12 hour time difference really wouldn't make me feel bad about you, believe me.
I'll show you some takedown my number techniques.
Are you a two-octave chromatic scale? Because you leave me breathless.
So you're on drumline, wanna give first bass a try?
You think Zdeno Chara has a long stick, wait until you see mine.
Are you a piece of minimalist music? Because I keep seeing you again and again.
I lost my black lipstick, can I borrow yours?
It's all about love and drugs, baby. Can you be my love and I'll be your drug.
You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer.
I hate red-eye flights, but I would fly all night for you.
Are you ever gonna give me a cue to breathe, or shall I just follow your direction?
Can I play with your tremolo arm?
I bet I can score on your 5-hole
We're gonna go beat up Scott Hamilton. Wanna come?
