Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I may not be a cataloger, but I bet I can find a place to fit you in.
I think you might have mistaken me for a library book… you've been checking me out all day.
There are so many books here but I want to read you.
Found the poetry section. May I take you back in the stacks and read you some verses?
You must be the Lord of my flies, because they'll only unzip for you.
Like the dewey decimal system? I'm the do-it decimal system.
If you were a book, I'd need glasses, because you'd definitely be fine print.
Is that a hardcover, or are you just happy to see me?
Let's sneak off to the reference section and make little citations.
My hands are frozen. Can I put them in your pants?
Churchill isn't the only place where you can pet a polar bear.
Do you like whales? 'Cause we can go hump back at my place.
Can I interest you in some of my compost?
Wanna listen to me drone on about art, bicycles, and sustainable-source fair-trade coffee?
I'm something of a garagistaI've been working on this Syrah, come barrel taste it and tell me what you think?
If you were a basketball, I'd never pass because I want to keep you all to myself.
I can tell a grape's ripe by the way it tastes.
Do you love basketball? You only need a basket cause I already got balls.
If you jut let me hit this spin move on you one time you gone fall in love.
Do you like basketball? Why I want to show my Magic Johnson.
You think Zdeno Chara has a long stick, wait until you see mine.
Want to hold my shaft?
We're gonna go beat up Scott Hamilton. Wanna come?
I bet I can score on your 5-hole
Do you believe in premarital sax?
Fewer teeth just means more room for tongue.
Hey, baby, I have a special new mute for your f hole.
What's say you and I go into a practice room and work on some harmonies together?
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
On a scale of 1-10 you're a 26.2
You make my heart beat faster than the starting gun.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the only way I would wake up early, is if I get to run with you.
Can you run with me so I can tell my friends I've ran with an angel?
Our bitonal tendencies only augment our contrary motions baby.
I want to pound you like I pound the asphalt. For hours until it hurts.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
I knew angels could fly, but I didn't know they could run.
Are you a flip turn? Because I'm head over heels for you.
Are you a lap counter? Because without you, I'm lost.
A trumpet isn't the only thing I can make scream high notes.
Are you a two-octave chromatic scale? Because you leave me breathless.
This game is about ball control baby.
Do you prefer two hand touch or full contact?
Are you the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Because you'll be firing my cannon later.
Wanna be my receiver tonight?
Ill be your Samantha Steele if you'll be my Christian ponder.
So you're on drumline, wanna give first bass a try?
Are you a tenor? Cuz you're the only ten I hear.
I want to hold your hand as bad as I want to hold serve.
Girl, don't you know you look so fine? Whoever you're seeing, his racquet ain't as big as mine.
Are you a 4th or 5th? Because you're perfect.
Will you be my doubles partner for life?
It would be great to rallentando floor with you.
Girl get rid of those Dunlop balls, you deserve better.
Care to knock a few balls with me?
Are you a piece of minimalist music? Because I keep seeing you again and again.
Girl I'll beat you 6-0 every time, 'cause I'll never stop loving you.
Can I play with your tremolo arm?
Are you ever gonna give me a cue to breathe, or shall I just follow your direction?
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer.
I lost my black lipstick, can I borrow yours?
You sure do a lot of cardio because you're always running in my mind.
Is that blood or wine your having cause I was gonna get you another.
Can I skin you alive. I want to see your inner beauty.
Tell me, is your heart as cold and black as your eyes?
Hey, you in the black!
Let's put the 'fun' in funeral!
Do you lift? Because I was hoping you'd pick me up.
Don't you think the human voice, wailing in agony, is the most beautiful of all instruments?
The map to my heart is located on the veins of my left arm.
My personal trainer told me I had to come talk to you for five minutes as part of my routine.
Can our first date be in the cemetery? I'm dying to meet you there.
Pardon me, but my corset has come unlaced. Could you tighten it for me?
Are you a perfect set? Because I'd smash that.
Are you a hitter? Because you're killing it.
I heard milk does the body good, but DAMN! Blood does too?
Are you a tip? Cause you've got me on my toes!
Is that a candle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
All of my most important poems and drawings are in this little book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you.
That's a nice pair of yoga pants. Can I talk you out of them?
Your downward facing dog makes my soaring crane rise.
Namastay here or come home with me?
Hi, I have my own cult!
I'd let you cross my border.
Is your enchilada buttered?
Oh girl you're so sweet, can I get some of your horchata?
You make me feel like I just climbed out of my uncles trunk after driving 1100 miles over the border.
Are you a tamale? Cuz youre hot!
Can you be the fence that keeps me from freedom?
Boy let me make you a nice, hot tamale.
Nice to meat you, now lettuce salsa.
Are you a cubed dice, roughly a quarter of an inch on every side? Because you're fine.
I got the chorizo, you bring the eggs. Un-fertilized por favor.
You can spur me all night long.
Hey baby, wanna lick my spoon?
Wanna come over to my trailer, drink some beer and see my new velvet Elvis painting?
