Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.
I don't want your candy, but I'll take your number.
Let's go to the top of a mountain where I've set up a lovely dinner. It will be Kilimanjaromantic.
If a Monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?
If I had a dime for every book I've ever read, I'd say: Wow, that's coincidental.
Is your name Flecainide? Because I think you just made my heart skip a beat. uvu
I don't need sonar to find you; your beauty shines brighter than anything underwater.
What did the reindeer sing to Santa on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
When should you feed reindeer milk to a baby? When it's a baby reindeer
Would you like to come out to the farm and help me with the bees?
Prosecution of the faulty limpet mine manufacturer began but the charges just wouldn't stick.
A summer is a mathematician.
Was your father an astronomer? Because he stole the stars from the galexy and put them in your eyes.
Is there a wormhole that will always take me directly to where you are?
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
There should be government regulations against all your goodness.
I don't normally sow wild oats, but for you I'd make an exception.
Are you a cleanout plug? Because you've given me a fresh start.
I've never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts
You're like a flexible hose—you fit perfectly into my life.
Are you a plumbing permit? Because you've got me doing everything by the book.
You're the only treat I want in my sack this Halloween.
I hear this place is haunted, we better stick together.
Your treat or mine?
Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure (Pirate Costume)
I've got some wicked feelings brewing for you.
I would literally give you my hand in marriage. (undead)
Are you a ghost? Because you've been haunting my dreams.
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Are you a doctor of love? Because you're always giving me a check-up... and finding something new to love every time.
You must be an EMT, because you're always saving lives... including mine from boredom.
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
You're so cute, I need an EpiPen to stop my heart from racing... and also to make sure it stays that way.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
Do you really remember Cleopatra? I'll make you forget her! (Vampire)
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
The Bible says to bring all our requests to God. I've prayed, and here you are.
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's Cuddle.
Are you timber? Because I'd split you.
I'll show you my CN Tower if you show me your Skydome.
You must be a crash cart, because you've revived my heart.
Let me take you on a ride in my John Deere.
I'm not wearing any long johns.
Let's procreate like the snakes in the Narcisse Dens.
I want you for myself like Newfoundland has its own time zone.
You're like a warm blanket from the supply room—cozy and comforting.
Is it hot in here or am I just wearing two pairs of long johns?
I'm gonna make you say "Yes b'y" all night.
I'm a high tide and I'm looking to smash.
Are you a Mountie because I want to mount you.
Hey Girl, are you a Beaver? Because you sure look like you could use some wood!
Are you a blood draw? Because I'm feeling lightheaded from your charm.
You're prettier than a summer day in Lunenburg.
You must be Drumheller, ‘cause I totally dig you.
Vancouver isn't the only thing getting wet tonight.
It's so cold I can't feel my thighs! Can you feel my thighs?
My body is "Yours to discover".
Are you a Bluenoser? 'Cause you're a dime.
I really caribou-t you.
Is that your Moose?
Bulls aren't the only thing I know how to ride.
Take an Avonleap of faith and go on a date with me!
You've never been to Port Hardy? I'll take you. It's in my pants.
You're like the perfect diagnosis—unexpected and wonderful.
Are you antibiotics? Because you've cured my loneliness.
You must be a medical mask, because you've got me breathless.
Are you a thermometer? Because you're making my temperature rise.
The darker the berry the sweeter the juice, unless you're making syrup, of course.
You're a beluga in this sea of cod.
Want to see my lumber, Jack?
You're sweeter than my maple syrup.
Hey babe. Wanna go for a timmies run?
You know what they say about guys with big snowshoes.
Is that a maple syrup bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
You're like a heart monitor—always keeping me in rhythm.
Will you help me erect my totem pole?
I'm really into architecture; want to see my CN tower?
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
My igloo is cold, can I sleep with you tonight?
Would you like to come to my quarters tonight for some toast?
Where'd you get that pretty MedicAlert bracelet?
You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
There's some cabanossi and cheese back at my house with ya name on it.
Wait until you see my thunda from down unda!
Are you a pair of scrubs? Because I'd wear you every day.
You must be the queen. Because I would be more than happy to fly my flag for you.
You must be a medical conference, because you've got me learning new things about love.
Are you a vaccine? Because you've just given me hope.
Winter is coming as frequently as you would if you slept with me.
Have you ever been fishing? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
Are you a sugar maple tree? Because I would totally tap that.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
You and I could totally melt my igloo.
I'm going to straddle your border like Lloydminster.
You know the Mounties? Well how about you Mount Me?
