Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Are you a beaver? Because dam!
Beg yuh a Wuk haffa yuh struccha nuh
Are you happy to see me, or is that just a defense mechanism?
Was that you at a Vivian Girls concert?
I'd like to have you on vinyl.
I've got a great psychoanalysis couch back home, care to try it out?
Wanna go on a post-date?
Hey baby, let's get coffee and vegan donuts.
My beard is the same length as Abraham Lincoln's was on his 7th birthday.
Hey girl, is that an original Yo La Tengo 7†in your pants? Because your butt is extremely valuable.
Want to come over and listen to NPR.
Do you want to roll around in my collection of antique buttons and talk about our childhood dreams?
I'm gonna disrupt the shit out of your technology.
Guy: Hey, do you have any pretentious avant-garde photographer in you? Girl: Um, no. Guy: Want some?
Hey, my name's Ethel, it's a really vintage name, i doubt you've ever heard it before.
Hey girl, let's forget the world and start a post-rock band.
Seriously baby, I'll take you out as soon as this check clears from my parents.
I loved you before it was cool.
You kick my sympathetic nervous system into overdrive!
If I told you you had a beautiful Prius, would you hold it against me?
I don't know much about Freud, but you remind me of my mother.
Boy, you activate my ventral striatum.
I'll be the neurotransmitter to your synaptic gap.
Mind if I put my cigar in your ashtray? This isn't just any cigar...
I'm conducting an experiment, wanna come spend the night over so i can interpret your dreams?
Hey, I understand you like him, but projection works.
I'd share my bar of soap with you.
Excuse me, can I sleep with you because I need to make copies?
Baby, all I see in my Rorschach test is me and you.
Baby you're like an independent variable the way you enlarge my bar graph.
If you were a drug you'd be a stimulant because you make my heart beat faster.
Can we recreate the Stanford Prison Experiment? You can be bad cop all you want.
Hey girl can I get your number in my Long Term memory?
Turn on, tune in, drop your pants.
Why don't you let me put my myelin on your axon for the night?
You've got spunk. I like that in a man.
My carbon footprint is the only part of me that's small.
I'm undressing you with my 3rd eye.
Hey baby, I've got you two tickets to the gun show...Let's use them to go and protest gun-related violence!
That's a nice hammock. Does it fit two?
If you join this drum circle you're sure to get a good bang.
You and me together would be totally groovy baby!
Wanna come back to my place to discuss complex interrelated cultural and political trends?
Damn girl, I hope you have an open mind because I have quite the night planned for us.
I just love the way you've styled the hair on your legs. Do the cornrows go all the way up?
Wanna go back to my place for a little "fair trade?"
Let's take off each other's clothes... and then run in the fields together.
If we were trees. We'd be of the same species.
Do yoga with me as the sun is rising?
Hello, perhaps I could have someone else buy you a drink?
Your organic cotton t-shirt looks really soft. Can I feel it?
My van's parked outside. Let's say you and I just take a ride down to the beach and check out the stars?
Let's get trippy together barefoot.
Girl, I know how to shove my hips, I do it for a living!
If you was my heifer, I'd done drive you to the meat processing plant.
Hey girl, do you raise cattle? Cause those are some nice calves.
What size boot you wear girl?
Wanna come back to my place, babe? I'm a thoroughbred.
I ain't no donkey herder, but I could wrangle that ass.
Hey baby, nice tooth.
You're a better kisser than your Momma and both yer sisters.
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I'll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
You are prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
Hey babe, do you know that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?
You look good in that lumberjack shirt but I would like to see you out of it.
Hey baby, wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 10 anyway.
Well, aren't you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Wanna find out if my shotgun shell will fit in your double barrel?
God wants us to be together. That's why he gave us the same parents.
My home is where I park it
Girl you must be my cousin because I wanna do you.
You can't handle the tooth!
Hey baby, why do you think they call it a pick-up truck?
Your peroxide blonde hair looks good, but I would like to see if you are a true blonde.
