Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
You must be sterile gloves, because you're a perfect fit.
Are you a pediatrician? Because you've got my heart feeling young and free.
I don't need a second opinion—you're the only one I need.
I want to put my burrito in your taco.
Are you a lab coat? Because you make everything look professional and classy.
You must be a medical breakthrough, because you're one in a million.
Are you an ENT? Because you're all I see, hear, and think about.
You must be my primary care provider, because you've become my top priority.
I want to be Popocatépetl to your IztaccÃhuatl, except your not dead just fucking drunk.
Can I dip my Chorizo in your salsa?
I must be in a clinical trial, because being around you is an experimental rush.
I love you more than a flour tortilla with beans!
Are you my attending? Because I want to follow you wherever you go.
You must be an attending physician, because you've got my full attention.
Are you a referral? Because you're exactly who I've been looking for.
Do you like tacos? Well cool you like 75% of me.
You must have the best bedside manner, because I can't stop thinking about you.
Are you scrubbing in? Because you're about to clean up this mess I call a life.
You must be a diagnosis, because you've got me feeling something I've never felt before.
Your peroxide blonde hair looks good, but I would like to see if you are a true blonde.
Hey baby, why do you think they call it a pick-up truck?
You can't handle the tooth!
Girl you must be my cousin because I wanna do you.
My home is where I park it
God wants us to be together. That's why he gave us the same parents.
Wanna find out if my shotgun shell will fit in your double barrel?
Well, aren't you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Hey baby, wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 10 anyway.
You look good in that lumberjack shirt but I would like to see you out of it.
Are you a waiting room? Because I'd spend hours just being near you.
Hey babe, do you know that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?
You are prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I'll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
You're a better kisser than your Momma and both yer sisters.
You must be a general practitioner, because you're good at everything.
I must be hypothermic, because your smile warms me up instantly.
Are you a cardiologist? Because my heart beats faster when I see you.
You must be a neurologist, because you've just rewired my brain for love.
I ain't no donkey herder, but I could wrangle that ass.
Are you a doctor of love? Because you've just diagnosed me with a serious crush.
Wanna come back to my place, babe? I'm a thoroughbred.
You're like a good prognosis—rare and wonderful.
What size boot you wear girl?
Are you a defibrillator? Because you just shocked my heart back to life.
You must specialize in infectious diseases, because your smile is contagious.
Hey girl, do you raise cattle? Cause those are some nice calves.
Are you a scalpel? Because you've got me feeling cut open and exposed.
Are you an X-ray? Because I can see right through to your heart.
If you was my heifer, I'd done drive you to the meat processing plant.
Girl, I know how to shove my hips, I do it for a living!
Are you a prescription? Because you're exactly what I needed today.
Let's get trippy together barefoot.
You must be a doctor, because you've just healed my broken heart.
I must be a patient, because I'm hooked on you like an IV drip.
Are you a stethoscope? Because you just listened to my heart and took my breath away.
My van's parked outside. Let's say you and I just take a ride down to the beach and check out the stars?
Your organic cotton t-shirt looks really soft. Can I feel it?
You're like my favorite field—full of endless possibilities.
Hello, perhaps I could have someone else buy you a drink?
Do yoga with me as the sun is rising?
If we were trees. We'd be of the same species.
Are you a cow? Because you've got me mooing with delight.
Let's take off each other's clothes... and then run in the fields together.
Wanna go back to my place for a little "fair trade?"
I just love the way you've styled the hair on your legs. Do the cornrows go all the way up?
Damn girl, I hope you have an open mind because I have quite the night planned for us.
Wanna come back to my place to discuss complex interrelated cultural and political trends?
You and me together would be totally groovy baby!
If you join this drum circle you're sure to get a good bang.
That's a nice hammock. Does it fit two?
Hey baby, I've got you two tickets to the gun show...Let's use them to go and protest gun-related violence!
I'm undressing you with my 3rd eye.
My carbon footprint is the only part of me that's small.
You must be a sturdy fence post, because you're holding everything together for me.
Turn on, tune in, drop your pants.
I'd share my bar of soap with you.
If I told you you had a beautiful Prius, would you hold it against me?
I loved you before it was cool.
Seriously baby, I'll take you out as soon as this check clears from my parents.
Hey girl, let's forget the world and start a post-rock band.
Are you the rain? Because you've brought new life to my heart.
Hey, my name's Ethel, it's a really vintage name, i doubt you've ever heard it before.
Guy: Hey, do you have any pretentious avant-garde photographer in you? Girl: Um, no. Guy: Want some?
I'm gonna disrupt the shit out of your technology.
Do you want to roll around in my collection of antique buttons and talk about our childhood dreams?
Want to come over and listen to NPR.
You're the best crop I could ever hope to harvest.
Hey girl, is that an original Yo La Tengo 7†in your pants? Because your butt is extremely valuable.
My beard is the same length as Abraham Lincoln's was on his 7th birthday.
Hey baby, let's get coffee and vegan donuts.
I'd like to have you on vinyl.
Was that you at a Vivian Girls concert?
We go together like coffee and cigarettes.
You must be an epidemiologist, because you're spreading love and happiness wherever you go... including to my heart.
Do you have a nurse's uniform? Because I think we could get some quality time in... and I don't mean just the medical kind.
Are you a doctor? Because you're making me feel like I'm in good hands... and not just because of your medical skills.
Do you have a medical degree in flirting, because you're making me feel like I'm in just... and I never want to leave.
