Puns are great and quick way to make someone laugh or give you a nasty look! Give it a go and see if your friend has a sense of humor. It's always funnier if they're slow to get the pun.
The worker at Cape Canaveral wanted to make a sandwich, so he went to the deli to buy some launchin' meat.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
People who say they suffer from constipation are full of crap.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
I changed my iPhone's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
I bet reading a book about anti-gravity is impossible to put down.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder
My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
The Hong Kong businessman left a huge estate when he died. It was the great will of China.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
Ninety eight percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
A backward poet writes inverse.
What's the definition of a will? - Come on, it's a dead giveaway!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?
When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
What grows up while growing down? A goose.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
A dentist married a manicurist, but they fought tooth and nail.
I can't grow hair on the side of my face. I guess I just don't have the chops.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
In plumbing,a straight flush is better than a full house
A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted, "Oh, pun the door!"
Who was the slowest of the ancient Greek philosophers? Aristurtle.
I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize.
I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn't trained.
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
'I got lost in the streets of Paris,' he said ruefully.
What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A Chopin Liszt.
What did the kid say when his mother poured oatmeal on him? "How can you be so gruel?"
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
Why did the little fella sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.
Kobe Bryant is a terrible fisherman because he always gets nothing but net.
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world
What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? -- Tennish.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
The cost of feathers has risen, now even down is up
With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
If intervening was an olympic sport, he'd win the gold meddle.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can't venom all.
What day of the year is a command to go forward? March 4th.
In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
When the town removed billboards, they told people that's how it was designed.
Try Milk of Amnesia - when you need to forget
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
Red ship crashes into blue ship - sailors marooned.
Where did the king put his armies? In his sleevies.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.
A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
The smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.
I practice debating in the mirror but I always come across as one-sided and two-faced.
If I am afraid of losing my fat tissue. My psychiatrist told me I have an adipose complex.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
He knew his lot in life was to create the world's greatest mosquito repellant. He had a deet with destiny.
There was a report of shots fired in a local bar. The police don't know what triggered the commotion.
Addicted to brake fluid? Nah, I can stop any time. (Mark Foerster)
How do pinnipeds communicate? With seal phones.
What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common? -- Icy dead people
How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour.
The race car driver had a checkered past.
What kind of coat can be put on only when wet? A coat of paint.
Zookeepers spot clean their leopards.
I might study something at a university that someone once told me about - there is a degree of ambiguity there.
Bird-dogs are great for music, because they're both woofers and tweeters.
I was going to buy some loose tea, but the price was too steep.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
Doctors send patients to pool halls to find remarkable cuers.
A monster who likes to ring doorbells is a knock less monster.
