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Funny Puns - Part 4

Puns are great and quick way to make someone laugh or give you a nasty look! Give it a go and see if your friend has a sense of humor. It's always funnier if they're slow to get the pun.

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The Best Puns

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
Why did the little fella sleep on the chandelier? Because he was a light sleeper.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
What did the coach say to his losing team of snakes? You can't venom all.
What day of the year is a command to go forward? March 4th.
He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
What would you get if you crossed a parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A Chopin Liszt.
What did the kid say when his mother poured oatmeal on him? "How can you be so gruel?"
A guy walks into the psychiatrist's office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? -- Tennish.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
The smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.
Doctors send patients to pool halls to find remarkable cuers.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

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If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.