Puns Bad Enough to Come Back Round to Good - Part 8
Puns are great and quick way to make someone laugh or give you a nasty look! Give it a go and see if your friend has a sense of humor. It's always funnier if they're slow to get the pun.
Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance.
My wife's dad spends a lot of time in the bathroom. He is my Father in Loo.
The editor really took a lot out of my manuscript. He cut a great dele.
Semaphore was flagged away as a form of communication decades ago.
I told the knight that I could knock him out of his saddle. Of course, I was speaking in joust.
New legislation forbids anyone but Santa's family dressing up as him, and you must be named in the related clauses.
A cannonball is a party for artillerymen.
I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.
The patient decided against an organ transplant. Instead, he changed his mind.
I bought a computer from The Nero Company. It comes with a CD/Rome burner.
I control the weeds in my lawn with the help of my friend, Herby Side.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Cloning is a nil conceived idea.
I went to Cairo, but I don't remember if I saw the river or not. I wonder if I am senile.
When I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination. They were free bees.
A Hall of Fame recently opened to honor outstanding female soldiers. It was a WAC's Museum.
I didn't have the faintest idea as to why I passed out.
Outsourcing my favourite ketchup can not have been easy.
A trick-or-treat route is a fright path.
When the ornithologist gave his neighbor the bird he went into flight mode.
In an effort to smooth things over and resolve their differences one gladiator said to the other, 'Let's bury the hatchet and go clubbing'.
A taxidermist specializes in skin for cabs.
My foul language has become routine. It is par for the cuss.
I am always sad when I go to the dentist, so I put on music and listen through my blue tooth headphones.
Shakespeare spent so much time at the Globe Theater because he was bored of Avon.
Eugene O'Neil once wrote a play about a visit from an optometrist. He called it, 'The Eyes Man Cometh.'
It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
The trapeze artist had to buy his own safety equipment. Every Friday he drew his net wages.
The dermatologist and his wife enjoyed the backyard BBQ, while their children played a game of skin tag.
When a woman returns new clothing, that's post traumatic dress syndrome.
I really would put my wife on a pedestal if she wasn't so afraid of heights.
What is a thesaurus' favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
The bank robber looked so peaceful and innocent lying there under his big fluffy blanket. Just goes to show you, you can't judge a crook by his cover.
A carpenter must have been here. I saw dust.
A reciprocating saw is a saw that gets borrowed and returned among neighbors.
I applied for a position at the hair-replacement company because I heard there was growth potential.
My wife uses a kitchen implement to shred garlic and parmesan cheese, which I hate. It really is the grater of two evils.
I got a job with a company that manufactures trampolines. Now I'll have something to fall back on.
Archimedes set out to invent a water pump and screwed it up.
My neighbor just got the part for Scrooge in a local performance. I'd love to go see him, but that play scares the Dickens out of me.
Seesaw is how you find a woodcutter.
The shoemaker did not deny his apprentice anything he needed. He gave his awl.
Ralph was kicked off the skydiving team because he couldn't chute straight.
An umbilical cord is a navel vessel.
I don't like tops of stairs. They always bring me down.
When the gastroenterologist retired, he threw in the bowel.
The actor was never quite right after he retired. He had Post Dramatic Stress Disorder.
I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.
The electrician got his supplies at the outlet store.
The dictator was really upset about the neckwear he had received as a gift. What a tie rant.
My elderly aunt loves telling jokes while she knits. She is a real knitwit.
I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.
I saw this bloke walking into court and he was carrying a large box, 10 minutes later he came out, it was a briefcase.
'Come see my fishpond', she said coyly.
On my chicken farm, I own the birds scratching around on the ground in the barn, but I am paying off the ones sitting on the roosts - they are on higher perches.
The priest was very stern during the service last Sunday. After church I was distressed. I then realized that we had experienced critical mass.
A dermatologist is a flesh man.
Mischievous lambs post their videos on Ewe Tube.
The thought of having no alternative to soap never washed with the inventor of shower gel.
Shredded Wheat - a breakfast cereal that used to play guitar solos.
I'm not happy with this Origami clothing. It always looks creased no matter how carefully I fold it.
A hurricane is a stick used to encourage speed.
I was only on the military base from dusk to dawn, but it seemed like a fort night.
When I found out that the fire department was charging $75.00 per table for their craft fair I told them they could go to blazes.
A friend of mine found out he has the bird flu. He thinks he was a victim of fowl plague.
For summer vacation, I decided to go to north-eastern Spain and Basque in the sunshine.
The purpose of the IT Service Department is to be a customer-server.
The airlines have become so cash-strapped, they charged me for my emotional baggage.
When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up.
A yak is the star of an animal talk show.
Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos.
I tried to get friendly with the archer's daughter, butt after he threatened to clout and nock me about, I decided to bow out.
A ship's captain is a sails manager.
An angry skunk reeks his vengeance.
I felt sick after I ate the scallopini. I didn't veal well at all.
Greeks can't stay out late because they have a Corfu.
Sick fish go to the sturgeon.
Quasimodo bought a Ford Focus. It became known as the hatchback of Notre Dame.
They replaced the baseball with an orange to add zest to the game.
The hypnotist went out of business because he ran out of suggestions.
Sainthood is a gangster who truly repented.
If I had it to do all over again, I'm sure I would overdo it.
Optometrists live long because they dilate.
John Deere has just released its most powerful tractor yet. It is the torque of the town.
Any type of criticism would aggregate the builder including constructive criticism.
My wife kept insisting I do macrame. Finally I shouted, 'Knot again!'
My sled dog never barks. He is a male mute.
If I think I've seen an idiot before, is that a case of deja fool.
Watching a fishbowl is right up my alley.
Two geologists were staring at a huge fissure in a cliff face and one was overheard to say 'It's not my fault'.
Lungs are a pair of windbags.
Driving while using a cell phone is veer-inspiring.
Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper.
What is a duck's favorite game to play? Billiards.
I took up teaching fencing as I wanted my students to get the point.
The workers at that inn are very unfriendly. They create a hostel environment.
When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed. The accident was a Fender bender.
Mooning is lunacy.
We're expecting fallout from the recent layoffs at the nuclear plant.
