GotLines - Pick Up Lines, Jokes and Insults

Puns Bad Enough to Come Back Round to Good - Part 11

Puns are great and quick way to make someone laugh or give you a nasty look! Give it a go and see if your friend has a sense of humor. It's always funnier if they're slow to get the pun.

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The Best Puns

The hardcore happy house dance club opened to rave reviews.
I tried to update my computer this morning but it wouldn't work. After several attempts, I had that syncing feeling.
The ghost practiced scaring people night after night. He was finally ready for his day boo.
The other truck drivers discovered that he had been wearing French perfume - it was lorry hell.
An employee got locked in a freezer at the ice cream factory and ended up getting spumonia.
What do organic mathematicians throw into their fireplaces? Natural Logs.
When thunderstorms felt that they weren't getting paid enough, they went on a lightning strike.
I fired the floor refinishers. They simply could not hold their lacquer.
That convicted killer is calm today, but by tomorrow he will be high strung.
I kept failing to get a job as a butcher because I couldn't just make the cut.
My famous bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.
Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault.
I had a tough time working as a garbage collector because of miasma.
I had a hand in the puppet show.
Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage.
You use a lumberjack when your tree is flat.
The dessert chef was very smart. He had graduated Pie Baker Kappa.
I recycle. I just bought a used Harley.
When the golfer with a serious iron deficiency went back to the doctor for a check-up he was told that he was still not out of the woods.
Surprises is the knight in charge of awards.
The geologist went to the doctor because he had a loss of apatite.
You should always use basil the day you buy it - as they say, herb today, gone tomorrow.
I knew the little guy was going to play a prank on me, because of my sense of imp portents.
The inventor of pantyhose really left us quite a legacy.
'I am presently employed', said the gift wrapper.
In attempting to cook Japanese food, I bento ver backwards learning proper technique.
Accountant is a royal insect.
The haughty magician had illusions of grandeur.
While I was repulsed by CPR I didn't have the heart to tell the medic.
There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
A roofer got arrested recently. He flashed a chimney.
The beauty queen is unhappy about her upcoming foreign tour. She will miss America.
A bunch of robins followed the priest wherever he went. Birds of a father flock together.
The English gentleman could not play cribbage. You can't put a squire peg in a round hole.
When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death.
If I drink a lot of Geritol am I consuming a fossil fuel?
I have been blogging about my recent surgery and recovery from abdominal surgery. I call my blog 'The Chronicles of Hernia'.
Sinkie The international association of people who dine over the kitchen sink.
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
Iamb a poet.
The Fraternity member was hungry so he eta pi.
My shrink assures me that my obsession with the formalization of puns is just a 'phrase I'm going through'.
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
If climate change is causing the sea level to rise, does that mean that the oceans are getting too big for their beaches?
The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say.
I took a picture of a field of wheat, it was grainy.
My hematologist said my outlook is good since I'm a B Positive type.
My phone has to wear glasses ever since it lost its contacts.
Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large.
I shouted from a mountaintop in Italy and a famous author answered. I definitely heard an Eco.
Eos is really sad. She is dawn in the dumps.
They served strip steaks and rice pilaf at the topless bar.
When the waiter told me they were out of corn I said, 'That really shucks.'
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
The anesthesiologist's computer has an ethernet connection.
I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic.
When I learned what the gun lobby was doing, I went ballistic!
The Balloon family name died off when it ran out of heir.
After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I moved and had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment.
I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.
My daughter asked me if I was having fun doing the laundry. I replied, 'Loads.'
The price of the big fan blew me away.
That butler isn't wearing his false teeth. I thought undentured servitude was illegal.
There was an overflow audience at the new dam dedication.
The indecisive rower couldn't choose either oar.
The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past.
People who teach drivers' education are roads scholars.
Business at the candle factory tapered off after the holidays.
The port was very beautiful. The sailors said it was haven on earth.
I want to open a photo processing store in a developing country.
The royal pharmacist wore a tuxedo and dispensed with formalities.
The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
Parking - an average sovereign.
The deer grabbed the gun and gave the hunter a taste of his own venison.
The average ghost is mean spirited.
What is the favorite game on Navy ships? Seaman Says.
Corporal Morel, always the life of the party, was a fun GI.
Dental care in Panama is called a route canal.
Each time I tried shooting blindfolded I found it an aimless pursuit.
I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
A prefix is what a man does just before his wife has a word with a tradesperson.
I think I'm going to hire the same landscaper I used last year - he was really easy to get a lawn with.
Children who fail their coloring exams always need a shoulder to crayon.
An instructor at an ice cream parlor is a sundae school teacher.
I was nervous before hernia surgery. My stomach was in knots.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
To err is human, to moo bovine.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
If electricity comes from electrons does that mean morality comes from morons?
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
Is a big book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The radio station that played particularly good music was a rare medium, well-done.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Australian beer is made out of kangaroo hops
Pornography? We don't even have a pornograph!
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

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The hardcore happy house dance club opened to rave reviews. I tried to update my computer this morning but it wouldn't work. After several attempts, I had that syncing feeling. The ghost practiced scaring people night after night. He was finally ready for his day boo.