Jokes about animals and animal things. Animals are funny, they do funny things and make easy targets for jokes. Their feelings won't get hurt. Go ahead and tell that Giraffe that is looks silly becasue of his long funny neck.
The Best Animal Jokes
What do you call a bear with no teeth? -- A gummy bear!
Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? --
Damn
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a cow with no legs? -- Ground beef.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through something so small?
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? Put it on my bill.
What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
Why are horses always so fit? Because they're on a stable diet.
Where do you get virgin wool? -- Ugly sheep.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? --
A fsh
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off the cliff!
Why did the duck get arrested? Because he was selling quack!
Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words.
Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? The outside.
Why does the lion keep losing when playing cards? -- Because he keeps playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Where do horses go shopping? Old-neighvy
What kind of horses go out after dusk? -- Nightmares!
What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
Why do cows wear bells? -- Because their horns don't work
What is a rabbit's favorite music? -- Hip-Hop!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 25 seconds.
Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, 'Why the long face?'
What do you call a crate full of ducks? -- A box of quackers!
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.
Why are fish so smart? -- Because they live in schools.
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? -- He felt funny!
What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? -- A headbanger.
Where do dogs go when they lose their tails? --To the retail store.
Which day do chickens hate the most? -- Friday
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? -- Laughing stock.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
What's invisible and smells like carrots? Rabbit farts.
Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baaabaaa shop!
Why did the cow cross the road? -- To get to the udder side.
What did the cobbler say when a cat wandered into his shop? -- Shoe!
Why do birds fly south? -- Because it's too far to walk.
Q. What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?
A. I just love baskin' robins.
Why do hens lay eggs? -- If they dropped them, they'd break.
What do you call an alligator that causes fights? -- An Instigator.
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said -- Thanks,
I said -- Don't mention it
What do you call an alligator in a vast? -- An inVestiGator.
