Thanksgiving involves a lot of people, a long meal and several conversational gaps that need filling. This is our collection of Thanksgiving jokes, ranked by reader votes — turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, football and relatives you see once a year. They are built for saying at the table, and most are clean enough for every generation sitting at it. Expect a great many turkey puns. That is simply what the holiday offers, and readers have voted the best of them to the top.
The Best Thanksgiving Jokes
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey, because it is always stuffed.
Happy Turkey Day, America! Don't forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? We'd be eating pussy for Thanksgiving!
Why was the Thanksgiving soup so expensive? It had 24 carrots.
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America? It hugged the shore!
What type of key is not good for opening doors? A Tur-key!
What do you call a stuffed animal? You after thanksgiving.
When does your brother bring his new girlfriend to dinner? Skanksgiving.
What do you call a running turkey? Fast food.
Why did the turkey join the band? Because he had drumsticks!
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? The G
Why do students always do so poorly after Thanksgiving? Because everything gets marked down after the holidays!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like? Plymouth Rock
Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? Because he will gobble, gobble it up!
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims
What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where's popcorn?
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What kids movie do you watch on Thanksgiving? The Mighty Turduckens!
What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
You have to smoke a couple of bowls before Thanksgiving dinner. I can't think of a better time to have the munchies.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
We are going to have very HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
Thanksgiving Day, across America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment... halftime.
Want to really freak someone out? Add 2 extra turkey legs to the turkey when it's in the oven.
Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing in fluffy and when you're done eating you'll be nice and stuffy.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
If I was a turkey, I'd be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.
Let's play pilgrims and native americans; I'll lure you over under false pretenses and we'll feast.
What happens to a turkey on Thanksgiving? It gets the stuffing knocked in to it.
I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium.
How do you keep Thanksgiving Day guests from falling asleep on your couch? Infuse the gravy with cocaine.
There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner? Your nose.
What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A Har- VEST.
What holiday do they celebrate in prison? Shanksgiving.
Why dont people in the ghetto celebrate thanksgiving? KFC isnt open on holidays.
What do Thanksgiving and Halloween have in common? One has gobblers, the other goblins.
They should change the name of Thanksgiving to something more fitting like say, Turkeypocolypse or Stuffing-cide.
Thanksgiving is great because people tend to speak less when food is lodged in their mouths.
My aunt is bringing her homemade cranberry sauce to our Thanksgiving dinner, and my uncle is bringing his blatant racism!
What are the feathers on a turkey's wings called? Turkey feathers!
How did they send the turkey through the mail? Bird class!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot!
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building? Yes - a building can't jump at all!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving!
How can you make a turkey float? You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey!
Mother turkey to her disobedient child? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America in the spring? Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, google, google!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus? Gobbleheads.
What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim? Pilgrim Reaper.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Who was the drummer in the Thanksgiving band? The turkey, because he had the drumsticks!
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? To be or not to be roasted, that is the question.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
If a man wants to eat a turkey on Thanksgiving, what does a turkey want? It simply wants to run away.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys & people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Where did the first corn come from? The stalk brought it!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
