Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I love a man with a raised bed.
This food's going to taste great! Don't worry, you will too.
I can't believe they don't serve Everclear in this place!
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
Call the cops... See who comes first.
If you need to practice that stage kiss, im always here for you.
Baby you light up my diwali like nobody else.
You're so hot, you put the desi in desirable.
Your doghouse or mine?
Cottons not the only thing I'll be picking up tonight.
You must be a verdict, because you've sentenced me to love.
Is your name Virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly.
Hey chef, are you a recipe? Because you have all the ingredients to make me melt.
I love to make good wine bet I can make you whine good too.
Are you the pizza guy? Because you sure can deliver.
I ordered a beer because talking to you made me nervous as hell. Please, terrify me again at your earliest convenience.
If you were a car, I'd jack you up and check out your undercarriage.
Looking at you takes my breath away like standing at the top of Mount Columbia.
Girl, you're so fetch
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
You're so cute, I don't need to see your boarding pass.
I'd love to be your final destination.
You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
I may not be able to do miracles, but I got fish and bread enough for two. Would you like to join me?
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because you're hot.
Are you Macbeth? Because your name sends shivers down my spine.
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
Honey just by seeing you from behind, I know you're a well-rounded person!
Dating me is like being in a rickshaw on a potholed road – one helluva ride!
1+1 is equal to 4 if we don't use condoms.
Your body is a temple, and I have a recommend.
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
Bible study & chill?
You're pawfect.
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Your body is in screaming affluence!
I'm new in town, where's the best place to taste some really good local wine?
I've got an E-Meter in my pants you can use.
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
Unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.
Would you like to be the Radha to my Krishna?
You're the girl of my nightmares.
Date a runner because everyone else is a player.
Your face is so ugly, it could make a blind man gag on his own vomit.
Because when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an MGMT show.
You're so repulsive, it's a wonder flies don't swarm around you like you're a decomposing corpse.
The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
Your car's exterior is so hideous, it could make a blind person weep tears of agony.
Driving your car is like subjecting yourself to a torture chamber on wheels, where discomfort and disappointment are your constant companions.
Looking at your car is like witnessing a tragic accident, a horrifying reminder of the consequences of poor automotive judgment.
Your car is a complete and utter piece of shit, a rolling testament to your poor life choices and lack of taste.
You're the reason they invented double doors!
If brain cells had value, you'd be broke.
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
Your car's exhaust emits a noxious cloud of pollutants, contributing to the degradation of the environment.
The brakes on your car are about as effective as using a feather to stop a charging bull.
I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
Your car's fuel efficiency is laughable, guzzling gas like a thirsty elephant in a desert.
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
The suspension of your car is as stiff as a board, providing a bone-jarring experience with every bump.
So what's your moisture level?
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
I'm not saying you're fat, but I heard the cookie jar is considering a restraining order against you.
What type of potato chip is Santa's favorite? Crisp Pringles
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
Pee here often?
Sorry, baby. I thought it was hump day...
Where have you been all my lives?
You make me want to spend the rest of my meaningless life silently despairing over the thought that you'll find a better man than I and take the kids when you leave.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.
If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!
I really like your carboys.
Do you believe in love at first sip or should I take another?
What do you give a train conductor for Christmas? Platform shoes
Jamaican me think about things I have never thought about and having you on my bed is one.
You're a fine piece of acreage.
I know you pregnant but when you drop that one off, I'd love to put another one in u.
5/4 of people admit that they're bad with fractions.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
You're just my cup of tea!
Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.
You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.
You are the greatest sparkling wine in this world that I want to taste for the rest of my life.
