Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I love a man with a raised bed.
This food's going to taste great! Don't worry, you will too.
If you need to practice that stage kiss, im always here for you.
I can't believe they don't serve Everclear in this place!
Baby you light up my diwali like nobody else.
You're so hot, you put the desi in desirable.
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
Your doghouse or mine?
Call the cops... See who comes first.
I love to make good wine bet I can make you whine good too.
Is your name Virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly.
Hey chef, are you a recipe? Because you have all the ingredients to make me melt.
You must be a verdict, because you've sentenced me to love.
Cottons not the only thing I'll be picking up tonight.
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Honey just by seeing you from behind, I know you're a well-rounded person!
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
I'm new in town, where's the best place to taste some really good local wine?
Are you Macbeth? Because your name sends shivers down my spine.
Your body is in screaming affluence!
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because you're hot.
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
I'd love to be your final destination.
You're pawfect.
Dating me is like being in a rickshaw on a potholed road – one helluva ride!
You're so cute, I don't need to see your boarding pass.
Girl, you're so fetch
1+1 is equal to 4 if we don't use condoms.
If you were a car, I'd jack you up and check out your undercarriage.
I ordered a beer because talking to you made me nervous as hell. Please, terrify me again at your earliest convenience.
Bible study & chill?
Are you the pizza guy? Because you sure can deliver.
Your body is a temple, and I have a recommend.
I may not be able to do miracles, but I got fish and bread enough for two. Would you like to join me?
I've got an E-Meter in my pants you can use.
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Looking at you takes my breath away like standing at the top of Mount Columbia.
Unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.
Would you like to be the Radha to my Krishna?
You're the girl of my nightmares.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
Because when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love.
Your face is so ugly, it could make a blind man gag on his own vomit.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an MGMT show.
You're so repulsive, it's a wonder flies don't swarm around you like you're a decomposing corpse.
Date a runner because everyone else is a player.
The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
I'm not saying you're fat, but I heard the cookie jar is considering a restraining order against you.
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
Your car is a complete and utter piece of shit, a rolling testament to your poor life choices and lack of taste.
Looking at your car is like witnessing a tragic accident, a horrifying reminder of the consequences of poor automotive judgment.
Your car's exterior is so hideous, it could make a blind person weep tears of agony.
Driving your car is like subjecting yourself to a torture chamber on wheels, where discomfort and disappointment are your constant companions.
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
You're the reason they invented double doors!
If brain cells had value, you'd be broke.
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
Where have you been all my lives?
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
You make me want to spend the rest of my meaningless life silently despairing over the thought that you'll find a better man than I and take the kids when you leave.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
Your car's exhaust emits a noxious cloud of pollutants, contributing to the degradation of the environment.
Sorry, baby. I thought it was hump day...
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
Pee here often?
What type of potato chip is Santa's favorite? Crisp Pringles
If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
The brakes on your car are about as effective as using a feather to stop a charging bull.
So what's your moisture level?
Your car's fuel efficiency is laughable, guzzling gas like a thirsty elephant in a desert.
The suspension of your car is as stiff as a board, providing a bone-jarring experience with every bump.
I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
5/4 of people admit that they're bad with fractions.
Do you believe in love at first sip or should I take another?
I really like your carboys.
What do you give a train conductor for Christmas? Platform shoes
You're a fine piece of acreage.
Jamaican me think about things I have never thought about and having you on my bed is one.
I know you pregnant but when you drop that one off, I'd love to put another one in u.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.
You're just my cup of tea!
You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.
You are the greatest sparkling wine in this world that I want to taste for the rest of my life.
