Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I love a man with a raised bed.
This food's going to taste great! Don't worry, you will too.
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
Call the cops... See who comes first.
Your doghouse or mine?
Baby you light up my diwali like nobody else.
If you need to practice that stage kiss, im always here for you.
You're so hot, you put the desi in desirable.
I can't believe they don't serve Everclear in this place!
You must be a verdict, because you've sentenced me to love.
Hey chef, are you a recipe? Because you have all the ingredients to make me melt.
Cottons not the only thing I'll be picking up tonight.
Is your name Virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly.
I love to make good wine bet I can make you whine good too.
You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
I'd love to be your final destination.
Dating me is like being in a rickshaw on a potholed road – one helluva ride!
Looking at you takes my breath away like standing at the top of Mount Columbia.
1+1 is equal to 4 if we don't use condoms.
If you were a car, I'd jack you up and check out your undercarriage.
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Honey just by seeing you from behind, I know you're a well-rounded person!
You're so cute, I don't need to see your boarding pass.
Girl, you're so fetch
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because you're hot.
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
I ordered a beer because talking to you made me nervous as hell. Please, terrify me again at your earliest convenience.
Bible study & chill?
Your body is a temple, and I have a recommend.
I may not be able to do miracles, but I got fish and bread enough for two. Would you like to join me?
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Are you the pizza guy? Because you sure can deliver.
You're pawfect.
Your body is in screaming affluence!
Are you Macbeth? Because your name sends shivers down my spine.
I'm new in town, where's the best place to taste some really good local wine?
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
I've got an E-Meter in my pants you can use.
Would you like to be the Radha to my Krishna?
Unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.
You're the girl of my nightmares.
Your face is so ugly, it could make a blind man gag on his own vomit.
The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Date a runner because everyone else is a player.
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an MGMT show.
Because when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
You're the reason they invented double doors!
If brain cells had value, you'd be broke.
You're so repulsive, it's a wonder flies don't swarm around you like you're a decomposing corpse.
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
Where have you been all my lives?
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
Your car is a complete and utter piece of shit, a rolling testament to your poor life choices and lack of taste.
Sorry, baby. I thought it was hump day...
I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.
Looking at your car is like witnessing a tragic accident, a horrifying reminder of the consequences of poor automotive judgment.
If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.
You make me want to spend the rest of my meaningless life silently despairing over the thought that you'll find a better man than I and take the kids when you leave.
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
Your car's exterior is so hideous, it could make a blind person weep tears of agony.
So what's your moisture level?
Pee here often?
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
Driving your car is like subjecting yourself to a torture chamber on wheels, where discomfort and disappointment are your constant companions.
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!
What type of potato chip is Santa's favorite? Crisp Pringles
Jamaican me think about things I have never thought about and having you on my bed is one.
I know you pregnant but when you drop that one off, I'd love to put another one in u.
I really like your carboys.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
Do you believe in love at first sip or should I take another?
You're a fine piece of acreage.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
You're just my cup of tea!
You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.
You are the greatest sparkling wine in this world that I want to taste for the rest of my life.
Of all the beautiful faces I just can't look pastures.
If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid and you don't.
You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''.
