Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I love a man with a raised bed.
This food's going to taste great! Don't worry, you will too.
Your doghouse or mine?
If you need to practice that stage kiss, im always here for you.
Baby you light up my diwali like nobody else.
You're so hot, you put the desi in desirable.
Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?
Call the cops... See who comes first.
I can't believe they don't serve Everclear in this place!
You must be a verdict, because you've sentenced me to love.
Cottons not the only thing I'll be picking up tonight.
I love to make good wine bet I can make you whine good too.
You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.
Is your name Virtue? Because you garnish my thoughts unceasingly.
Hey chef, are you a recipe? Because you have all the ingredients to make me melt.
The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because you're hot.
Your face is so ugly, it could make a blind man gag on his own vomit.
Unlike Hamlet's entire family, my love for you will never die.
I'd love to be your final destination.
Are you Macbeth? Because your name sends shivers down my spine.
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
You're pawfect.
I'm new in town, where's the best place to taste some really good local wine?
Honey just by seeing you from behind, I know you're a well-rounded person!
You're the girl of my nightmares.
Dating me is like being in a rickshaw on a potholed road – one helluva ride!
1+1 is equal to 4 if we don't use condoms.
You're so cute, I don't need to see your boarding pass.
Girl, you're so fetch
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
Would you like to be the Radha to my Krishna?
Girl, you're such a Banff (i.e., a Bad Ass, Nice, And Fascinating Female).
Looking at you takes my breath away like standing at the top of Mount Columbia.
I may not be able to do miracles, but I got fish and bread enough for two. Would you like to join me?
Your body is a temple, and I have a recommend.
Are you the pizza guy? Because you sure can deliver.
If you were a car, I'd jack you up and check out your undercarriage.
I ordered a beer because talking to you made me nervous as hell. Please, terrify me again at your earliest convenience.
Bible study & chill?
I've got an E-Meter in my pants you can use.
Your body is in screaming affluence!
I want to be like the Spirit, to be with thee whithersoever thou goest.
You're the reason they invented double doors!
If brain cells had value, you'd be broke.
Because when push comes to shove, I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an MGMT show.
Date a runner because everyone else is a player.
I hope you're a plumber because you got my pipe leaking
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
You're so repulsive, it's a wonder flies don't swarm around you like you're a decomposing corpse.
Where have you been all my lives?
Sorry, baby. I thought it was hump day...
Pee here often?
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
So what's your moisture level?
I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.
If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.
You make me want to spend the rest of my meaningless life silently despairing over the thought that you'll find a better man than I and take the kids when you leave.
You're making a fool of yourself, and I've never seen better craftmanship.
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
Are you from South England? Cause you Brighton up my day.
Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!
I've seen better-looking scarecrows in cornfields than you.
I know you pregnant but when you drop that one off, I'd love to put another one in u.
I really like your carboys.
You're a fine piece of acreage.
Jamaican me think about things I have never thought about and having you on my bed is one.
Do you believe in love at first sip or should I take another?
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are KFC.
Are you a gold medal? Because I won't stop until I get to you.
You are the greatest sparkling wine in this world that I want to taste for the rest of my life.
Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.
You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.
You're just my cup of tea!
Of all the beautiful faces I just can't look pastures.
If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid and you don't.
You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.
Doggy style?
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
I don't normally pick up at the park. I let my owner do it.
Hey baby, meeting you has given me a new leash on life.
Is that your dog's tail wagging or are you just happy to see me?
I'll let you sniff mine if i can sniff yours.
You make me want to be a more obedient dog.
You're such a pathetic excuse for a human being that even bacteria would turn their noses up at the thought of infecting you.
