Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I will curry on loving you, for as long as life will aloo me.
I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
If you are my basketball , I'll never pass because I want to keep u all to myself.
If ugliness was a profession, you'd be the CEO.
Looking at you is like staring into the depths of hell, a grotesque abomination of nature.
Are you a lanerope because I can't seem to stop hitting on you?
Do you work at Starbucks? Because I like you a latte.
You have a face that could make a train take a dirt road.
My striped stockings would look great on your bedroom floor.
Since chocolate is toxic to me, how 'bout a little sugar?
If I were a painter, I'd put you down in paint. I'd hang you by the Mona Lisa and put that girl to shame.
Since I met you I feel like the cat who got the cream.
What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
There's only one problem with your face, I can see it.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause obviously you landed on your face
Your mother hasn't smiled since the car accident. By that I mean the moment you were conceived in the back seat.
Hey girl are you mexican, 'cause you illegally came into my mind.
I'm looking for treasure, mind if I explore your chest?
It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you.
Chica, you're like a Pinata, cause I'd definitely hit that!
Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?
I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week.
Can you help me with my GPS? I need directions to find my way into your heart.
You're so ugly, the only dates you get are on a calendar.
Are you the Easter bunny? 'Cause you've been hoppin' around my mind all day.
You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit
Are you Neymar? Cause I'm trippin' and fallin' for you.
Can I follow you? Cause my mom told me to follow my dreams
You have two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
What is green, white, and red all over? A sunburned elf
Ladies if you saw how good I take care of my yards, just imagine how I'd take care of your heart.
Would you spot me, cause I sure spotted you.
Do you know anything about fornication? Would you like to know more?
Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
I like my men like I like my coffee....I don't like coffee.
Oh you're a Libra? That's so weird! So were my other three vic... Dates!
You should carry a plant wherever you go to replace the oxygen you waste.
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense.
Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!
The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.
Even the most powerful storms of Jupiter couldn't keep me from you!
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would throw up their hands in defeat at the sight of your face.
Your appearance is an affront to the very concept of beauty, a walking abomination.
Your face is like a train wreck, impossible to look away from despite the horror it invokes.
Congratulations, you've managed to achieve a level of ugliness that defies all known standards of aesthetics.
Your face is a visual assault, a crime against humanity that should be punishable by law.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Your car's headlights are dimmer than your future prospects, casting a feeble glow on the road ahead.
Your car's design is so outdated, it's like a relic from a bygone era of bad taste.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor? Ribbon Hood!
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
The worker at Cape Canaveral wanted to make a sandwich, so he went to the deli to buy some launchin' meat.
Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but that would be an improvement!
I heard you're good in algebra, can you replace my X without asking Y
You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.
You're so ugly you make blind kids cry.
Girl you've got mad handles, you've been crossing through my mind all day.
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
You're so ugly, when you got robbed, the robbers made you wear their masks.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma.
What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
Are you Broca's Aphasia? Because you leave me speechless...
Are you ready to board?
I've got a bed in the back of my truck, seems there's too much room for one...
I'd slap you, but shit stains.
Uncle Sam ain't the only one who wants you.
How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?
Your eyes are as blue as the sea I dumped my ex's body in.
The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses.
If a star fell for every time I thought of you, the sky would be empty.
I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
I may not be your cup of tea, but I'm a great shot of tequila.
It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
The last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.
You be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, we can have it your way, I'll treat you right!
You're not funny, but your life, now that's a joke.
I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change.
If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse!
I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
You're so fat, you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up.
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
Just wait till you can't fit your hand in the Pringles tubes, then where will you get your daily nutrition from?
Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.
Do you know how long it takes for your mother to take a crap? Nine months.
You can be the twin turbos and I can be your v8 and together we can make 545hp.
