Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
If you are my basketball , I'll never pass because I want to keep u all to myself.
When does your brother bring his new girlfriend to dinner? Skanksgiving.
You're like a plumbing apprenticeship—worth all the effort.
Are you a drain strainer? Because you've kept all the bad stuff out of my life.
What are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants his butt back?
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
There's only one problem with your face, I can see it.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause obviously you landed on your face
I'm looking for treasure, mind if I explore your chest?
It's not because I don't like you, it's because I hate you.
Hey girl are you mexican, 'cause you illegally came into my mind.
Your mother hasn't smiled since the car accident. By that I mean the moment you were conceived in the back seat.
Who took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes?
Chica, you're like a Pinata, cause I'd definitely hit that!
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
I treated this relationship like my diet, one cheat day a week.
Can you help me with my GPS? I need directions to find my way into your heart.
Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?
You're so ugly, the only dates you get are on a calendar.
Are you the Easter bunny? 'Cause you've been hoppin' around my mind all day.
You're so fat you need cheat codes to play Wii Fit
Are you Neymar? Cause I'm trippin' and fallin' for you.
Can I follow you? Cause my mom told me to follow my dreams
You have two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
Do you know anything about fornication? Would you like to know more?
Would you spot me, cause I sure spotted you.
Ladies if you saw how good I take care of my yards, just imagine how I'd take care of your heart.
Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
I like my men like I like my coffee....I don't like coffee.
Oh you're a Libra? That's so weird! So were my other three vic... Dates!
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.
You're as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense.
Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!
Even the most powerful storms of Jupiter couldn't keep me from you!
The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.
Looking at you is like staring into the depths of hell, a grotesque abomination of nature.
If ugliness was a profession, you'd be the CEO.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
The worker at Cape Canaveral wanted to make a sandwich, so he went to the deli to buy some launchin' meat.
Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but that would be an improvement!
I heard you're good in algebra, can you replace my X without asking Y
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
Girl you've got mad handles, you've been crossing through my mind all day.
You're so ugly you make blind kids cry.
You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.
You're hotter than the London Underground during rush hour.
You should carry a plant wherever you go to replace the oxygen you waste.
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
You're so ugly, when you got robbed, the robbers made you wear their masks.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma.
Are you ready to board?
What is green, white, and red all over? A sunburned elf
Are you Broca's Aphasia? Because you leave me speechless...
I've got a bed in the back of my truck, seems there's too much room for one...
I'd slap you, but shit stains.
Uncle Sam ain't the only one who wants you.
How many times do I have to flush to get rid of you?
Your eyes are as blue as the sea I dumped my ex's body in.
If a star fell for every time I thought of you, the sky would be empty.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
I may not be your cup of tea, but I'm a great shot of tequila.
It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer.
The last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.
You be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, we can have it your way, I'll treat you right!
You're not funny, but your life, now that's a joke.
I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change.
If I were to slap you, it would be considered animal abuse!
Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
You're so fat, you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up.
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
Just wait till you can't fit your hand in the Pringles tubes, then where will you get your daily nutrition from?
Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.
Do you know how long it takes for your mother to take a crap? Nine months.
Hey baby, wanna practice for your second husband?
What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
He knew his lot in life was to create the world's greatest mosquito repellant. He had a deet with destiny.
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism? Cause you're making me breathless..
I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
I practice debating in the mirror but I always come across as one-sided and two-faced.
Come on, don't make me beg!
Hey babe, I got this flaming sword from an angel and now I want to pass it in to you.
You're the Obi-wan for me.
Is that a Thetan in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I finished my trigonometry exam without a secant to lose.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
You can be the twin turbos and I can be your v8 and together we can make 545hp.
You raise my oxytocin levels.
Is your name chocolate, bc you make my seratonin levels rise and give me a sense of pleasure.
The last time I saw a body like yours, I was burying it in my basement!
