Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
You're the Obi-wan for me.
Is that a Thetan in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
You raise my oxytocin levels.
Is your name chocolate, bc you make my seratonin levels rise and give me a sense of pleasure.
Hey wanna play softball, we can take turns pitching and catching.
Is your father a lumberjack? I'm great with carpentry and haven't had work in a while.
Hey baby, wanna practice for your second husband?
Hey girl are you the sun? Because you're brighter than my future.
Hay girl, are you crippling depression? Because I'm going to be in bed curled up with you all day!
Wanna smash? Me over the head with this brick.
I want to give you my heart. Literally, because it would kill me.
Are you a corn field, because I'm stalking you.
I'm throwing a house party... and the only person invited is you
The last time I saw a body like yours, I was burying it in my basement!
Want to get some air? Oh wait, I ate your lungs.
Are you from Tennessee? Because that's the only state I'm not wanted in.
Is it hot in here or is it just the fire I've lit in your hair?
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor? Ribbon Hood!
I see you've got some tequila there, does that mean you're willing to give me a shot?
Are you Mexican cause you're my Juan and only.
Whats a ghost's favorate type of car? - A boo-ick
You know, musicians have great rhythm.
Where does a ghost refuel his porche? - At a ghastly station.
you must be augmented cause my love for you just won't diminish!
Come on, don't make me beg!
Your car's design is so outdated, it's like a relic from a bygone era of bad taste.
You have a face that could make a train take a dirt road.
You must be a shut-off valve, because you've stopped me in my tracks.
Your face is a visual assault, a crime against humanity that should be punishable by law.
Are you a surgical light? Because you brighten up everything around you.
Congratulations, you've managed to achieve a level of ugliness that defies all known standards of aesthetics.
Your car's headlights are dimmer than your future prospects, casting a feeble glow on the road ahead.
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would throw up their hands in defeat at the sight of your face.
Your face is like a train wreck, impossible to look away from despite the horror it invokes.
Your appearance is an affront to the very concept of beauty, a walking abomination.
I'll never forget the first time we met, although I'll keep trying.
You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any.
If your brain was made of chocolate, it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Come into the kitchen and I'll show you how I put the counter in counterculture.
You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You know the fish isn't the only catch here.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.
So you've changed your mind, does this one work any better?
I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, 'You.'
Roses are red,violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you.
Is Your Dad A Preacher? Cause Girl You're A Blessing
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
Seeing you is like getting 11 McNuggets in my 10 piece meal.
Who needs a pick up line when you've go a pick up truck.
Of course I'll give you a hand, right across the mouth.
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
You know what's beautiful? Read the first word.
Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds.
You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
I'm not talking about books when I tell you I'll take you across the border.
I'm not anti-social... I'm just not user friendly.
Girl you must be blue, because you're the hottest star around right now.
It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence.
Tomorrow there'll only be 7 planets left cuz tonight...I'm destroying Uranus.
If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart.
You have enough fat to make another human.
You're so fat, you could sell shade.
Hey can I borrow your lipstick and your lips.
Are you a meal at McDonalds? If you were you would be a McHottie.
Oh my god, do we have the same bra on? Let's look and see!
Are you my appendix? I have a gut feeling I should take you out.
Shock me, say something intelligent.
Excuse me, but do you like whales? Because I was thinking that we could "humpback" at my place.
Programming is like sex; one mistake and you have to support it for a lifetime..
You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?
If I could, I'd get rid of all of the chairs in the world so that you'd have to sit on my face.
ICU in my dreams.
I'd drive a million miles for one of your smiles.
The only thing straight about me is my teeth.
I fart to make you smell better.
Are you related to David Beckham? Because you got those curves!
Are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.
I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
Is your name Oliver? Cause in a minute you're gonna be Oliver this dick.
If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
I don't play soccer but you're my goal.
You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
Are you from heaven? Cause I can send you back.
Your car's audio system sounds like a cacophony of dying cats, assaulting the ears of anyone unfortunate enough to listen.
Are you shelf 301C? Because I've been searching everywhere for you.
Can I call you my Na-boo?
If you were a basketball, would you let me lay you up?
Why do reindeer tell such good stories? Because they all have tails
I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize.
Are you a sprint set? Because baby, you take my breath away.
Ignore the ray bans. There is nothing shade-y about me.
Are you in the outfield? Because you're an angel.
If there was a contest for the ugliest person in the world, you'd win by a landslide.
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
Girl, are you Canadian? because I feel sorry for myself.
There was a girl eyeing me over there, but I'm not interested because cheese not you.
You're outstanding in your field, and that's where you should be,
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
