Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
I'm no proctologist, but I know as asshole when I see one.
God made mountains, God made trees, God made you but we all make mistakes.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
You must be a Magnetar because I feel a strong magnetism between us.
Are you a black line? Because I could stare at you all day long.
Do you live in a cornfield? Because I'm stalking you.
You're so fat, your double chin has a double chin.
I don't have to ask my kids to call me, I just change the Netflix password and then don't respond to their texts.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I just want to make sure my eyeliner is on thick enough.
You are the roux to my veloute.
You spin my heart like a globe.
You can come over a work in process but I'll make sure you leave a finished good.
Let's build a home in the desert. We can Gobi together forever!
How about we go to my garage and see what's under the hood.
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.
Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
What was Forrest Gump's email password? -- 1forrest1
Wanna come over and watch Left Behind?
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
So you're straight? So are noodles until they get hot.
The Hong Kong businessman left a huge estate when he died. It was the great will of China.
I have tea.
Did your parents keep the placenta and throw away the baby?
Did you just fall out of a B-17? Because you're the bomb.
I'm the boot, you're the lace holding me together.
Are you a toaster? Cause I'd be down to take a bath with you.
Yea I'm like pizza. You can have me all at once or save me for several days.
I was reading my Bible the other day, and I was wondering if you know what Paul meant by "greet one another with a holy kiss?"
Do you like Pizza Hut? Because I want to stuff your crust.
Happy Turkey Day, America! Don't forget to name the turkey and make everyone uncomfortable.
That bathing suit would look a lot better on the floor next to my bed.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
I'm not gay. I prefer the term vaginavore.
Do I confuse your sexuality yet or should i walk by again?
Is your name Justin? Because I want to be Just In you.
I've always wanted to be a farmer's wife.
Are you cold? Cause I can be your sweater.
Who was the slowest of the ancient Greek philosophers? Aristurtle.
I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It's a whisk I was willing to take.
Your ugliness is so profound, it could make a horror movie director run out of ideas.
Hey girl, is your name 400 IM? 'Cause you took my breath away.
I would hit that like the side of a tree on Endor.
Let's not keep score so we can keep it at love.
If I was a boulder problem, would you flash me?
What never eats at Christmas dinner? The turkey – it's stuffed
You may not have any enemies, but your friends don't really like you either.
You're a light eater alright. As soon as it gets light, you starts eating.
What does a baby computer call it's father? Data.
I bet you drink milk with a fork.
Dammnn baby! Your body must be from McDonalds? Cause I'm Loving It!
The way you wear that sarong, it should be called a saright.
I could spend a millennium in your falcon.
Hey, I don't mean to grab but, I'm a real ladykiller.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
The waves won't be the only thing you'll be riding today.
If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.
I was looking for treasure and I think I found some.
Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.
You wanna score or just knock around my balls?
Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
If I build a sandcastle will you be my queen?
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
You're better than the Summer Olympics, you were worth waiting a whole lifetime for.
Your face could make a haunted house seem like a pleasant vacation spot.
Your appearance is so repulsive, it could curdle milk from a hundred yards away.
Are you a jalebi? Because there's nothing sweeter than you!
