Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I'm like a boomerang; I just keep comin' back to ya.
I think the soil needs some double digging.
Wow, are you a cougar? 'Cause I have a feeling you hunted guys my age before it was cool.
I'm addicted to you like an aunty to chai.
What do zombies put on their Christmas turkey? Grave-y
What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer!
You're so cute, I need an EpiPen to stop my heart from racing... and also to make sure it stays that way.
I asked Kermit the Frog what I should use to join the pieces of metal, but all he said was, 'Rivet, rivet.'
Are you a doctor of love? Because you're always giving me a check-up... and finding something new to love every time.
Why does Santa do in his garden? He hoe hoe hoes
Your broccoli heads are so big!
Bet I can bench press you.
My hands are frozen. Can I put them in your pants?
Baby, would you like to be the other half of my superset?
I think we should start a family tree.
What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door
Do you believe in premarital sax?
What is Santa's favorite Olympic event? North Pole-vault
If a Monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?
I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.
The most popular operation for orthopaedic surgeons is upper-leg surgery: very hip.
What song did the guests sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party? Freeze a jolly fellow
Is there a non-creepy way to hit on your waiter? If so, please text it to me.
No hunny, looking at you is dessert enough for me.
The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer's disease.
You're the reason my pipeline to happiness is always full.
I ordered a beer so you would card me and see I'm an organ donor. Here take my heart and my number.
What did the cow say to the reindeer? Moo
When asked what it takes to be a great cook the chef said that it boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.
Know anyone called Omer? Cause you have a Toprak
Abstinence leaves a lot to be desired.
What is the wettest animal at the North Pole? The rain-deer
Are you Andrea Pirlo? Because you're a work of art.
Molecules boiling points vary to some degree.
Do you like whales? 'Cause we can go hump back at my place.
Life without you is like a lift without weights.
I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.
The skeleton was trying tibia little humerus.
The map to my heart is located on the veins of my left arm.
There may be plenty of gefilte fish in the kitchen, but you're the only one my bubbe approves of.
What song do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells.
Let's listen to The 1975 and make out under the stars.
I hope you like BBQs because you'll soon be eating my sausage with special sause.
Once you go Jew, nothing else will do
Hey girl, did you come hungry in order to leave happy?
Hey baby, let's find something to taco 'bout.
Anne of Green Gables? More like Anne of Green Babeles.
How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.
You're like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
Bacon isn't gonna be the only piece of white meat in your mouth tonight.
You're like my toolbox—always full of everything I need.
You're quite the catch, baby.
What will fall at the door first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalog?
One date and I'll swachh you off your feet.
There's 900 square feet in a volleyball court, and I still find my way directly to you.
Baby, I really knead you right now.
Your pitch must have hit me because I'm feeling a little faint.
Cool necklace. is that locally handcrafted?
How do Chihuahua's say Merry Christmas? Fleas Navidog!
A summer is a mathematician.
Are you an auger? Because you've drilled your way into my thoughts.
We can do coffee or do it twice, either way I'll get you a double double.
Girl, you're thicker than Baffin Island.
What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light? You light me up!
You're like baseball: A thinkin' man's game.
Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has.
My love for you is like the A's and Daric Barton: it never dies.
The color palate of your face is really great in this lighting.
I can tell a grape's ripe by the way it tastes.
Where do mistletoe go to become famous? Holly wood!
Are you a football jersey? Because I'd love to wear your number.
The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour.
A crow is a four-letter bird.
I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.
I'm something of a garagistaI've been working on this Syrah, come barrel taste it and tell me what you think?
I studied in France and worked harvest in Italy, I've learned some of the secrets to making great wine and I'd love to share them with you.
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
I hope Jamaican yourself feel okay because I bet I can make you feel better with my hands.
Your ugliness is like a curse, a constant reminder that life can be cruel and unforgiving.
Hey baby, will you let me socially penetrate your triangular theory of love?
Are you a gadianton robber? Because you just stole my heart.
What can't you give the headless horseman? - A headache.
Is your medulla inflamed? Because you made my heart skip a beat!
I wanna flush your pipes, baby.
Instead of sealing our lips together, lets get sealed in the temple first!
Driving your car is like riding in a tin can of disappointment and regret.
Your car is so old and rusty, it's a living testament to the concept of decay and neglect.
The only thing your car is good for is as a source of laughter for everyone who sees it.
Your car is a pathetic excuse for transportation, a rolling embarrassment on wheels.
I've seen better-looking piles of dog shit on the sidewalk than you.
Your mirror must be traumatized from having to reflect your hideous visage day after day.
Hey babe, you've been doing Tawaf in my mind all day.
I didn't trip over my robe, I fell for you.
Hey babe can I become your mehram for the hajj?
How do you scare a mummy - with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.
People avoid you like the plague, not just because of your ugliness, but because you radiate a putrid stench of repulsiveness.
If there was an award for the ugliest motherfucker on the planet, you'd win it without any competition.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.
Your face looks like it was hit by a freight train, then dragged through a field of broken glass for good measure.
