Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.
You make me vasodilate!
I can find every pulse in your body!
Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?
If I go into cardiac arrest will you give me mouth to mouth?
Can I take your temperature? Because you're looking hot today.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to roll by again?
My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.
I'm feeling a little off today. Will you turn me on?
Are you a sewer system? Because you've taken all my worries away.
Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I'm falling all over the place for you.
The holy spirit must be with you because you're getting a rise outta me.
Would you like to join me for brunch? You're looking eggstra-special.
Are you an auger? Because you've drilled your way into my thoughts.
You're like my toolbox—always full of everything I need.
You're the reason my pipeline to happiness is always full.
Do you have a privacy policy? Cause I'd love to see your fine print.
Did you gone through annealing, or have you always been without deformations?
We have so much potential ... let's make it kinetic.
You must be a cast, because you've set my broken heart.
Damn girl you must be a strong magnetic field because you just induced a flow somewhere in me.
My number's imaginary, can I have yours?
You must be a tensile force, because you're elongating my member.
I wanna flush your pipes, baby.
Are you a scrub cap? Because you're on my mind all the time.
Are you into kinky stuff? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? I'll let you beat me.
Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it?
Your putt looks great in those pants
I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole?
Are you the nurse's station? Because I want to spend all my breaks with you.
So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins?
From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle.
How many strokes do you want?
Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be agrand slam?
It takes balls to play golf.
I promise to clean your balls and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season.
Are you sterile gauze? Because you've wrapped me up completely.
Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go.
Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing.
Are you a water hazard? Because you got me soaking wet.
I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots.
I'm like the USA Open, hard and long!!
After 18 Holes, I can barely walk.
Look how big his putter is...
You must be a catheter, because you're draining all my worries away.
Are you on call? Because you've been on my mind all day.
You must be in trauma care, because I'm falling hard for you.
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
My love for you is like the A's and Daric Barton: it never dies.
Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has.
Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
You're like baseball: A thinkin' man's game.
Your pitch must have hit me because I'm feeling a little faint.
You're quite the catch, baby.
You're like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
Are you a statute of limitations? Because I've got no time left to waste—I want you now.
Are you Andrea Pirlo? Because you're a work of art.
You must be my capital gain, because meeting you has been a major profit.
Know anyone called Omer? Cause you have a Toprak
You've turned my New Year's Eve into something I'll never forget.
Who needs resolutions when I've already resolved to make you smile tonight?
Can I be your midnight kiss? Because I don't want to start the year without you.
Are you a secret menu item? Because I'd order you every time.
You're like the perfect drink—strong, balanced, and impossible to resist.
I don't need sonar to find you; your beauty shines brighter than anything underwater.
If I was a ref would you blow my whistle?
Does the goal still count if you just tip it in?
Are you a fishing net? Because I'm tangled up in your love.
You think Zdeno Chara has a long stick, wait until you see mine.
Want to hold my shaft?
We're gonna go beat up Scott Hamilton. Wanna come?
I bet I can score on your 5-hole
You're so cute, I need an EpiPen to stop my heart from racing... and also to make sure it stays that way.
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
On a scale of 1-10 you're a 26.2
You must be an EMT, because you're always saving lives... including mine from boredom.
You make my heart beat faster than the starting gun.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the only way I would wake up early, is if I get to run with you.
Are you a doctor of love? Because you're always giving me a check-up... and finding something new to love every time.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
Are you a flip turn? Because I'm head over heels for you.
Are you a lap counter? Because without you, I'm lost.
Are you a football jersey? Because I'd love to wear your number.
Are you a quarterback draw? Because you've drawn me in.
Are you a swim bag? Because you got everything I need.
Are you a first down? Because I'd go the extra yard for you.
Can I play with your tremolo arm?
You are the greatest perception of my heart's delusion!
When you fell from heaven, did it leave you with any lasting emotional scars?
My unconscious mind is urging me to talk to you.
I lost my black lipstick, can I borrow yours?
Do come lay on my couch... With me.
Baby you're so fine my brain is changing structure just to process it.
You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer.
Are you ever gonna give me a cue to breathe, or shall I just follow your direction?
It would be great to rallentando floor with you.
Do I remember you from my dreams, or is that just a false memory?
Has the mere-exposure effect kicked in yet, or do I need to spam more of your instagram pictures?
