Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots.
I'm like the USA Open, hard and long!!
After 18 Holes, I can barely walk.
Look how big his putter is...
You're like a flexible hose—you fit perfectly into my life.
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
My love for you is like the A's and Daric Barton: it never dies.
Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has.
Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
You're like baseball: A thinkin' man's game.
Your pitch must have hit me because I'm feeling a little faint.
You're quite the catch, baby.
You're like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
Are you a plumbing permit? Because you've got me doing everything by the book.
Are you Andrea Pirlo? Because you're a work of art.
Know anyone called Omer? Cause you have a Toprak
If I was a ref would you blow my whistle?
Are you a sewer system? Because you've taken all my worries away.
Does the goal still count if you just tip it in?
Are you an auger? Because you've drilled your way into my thoughts.
You're like my toolbox—always full of everything I need.
You think Zdeno Chara has a long stick, wait until you see mine.
Want to hold my shaft?
We're gonna go beat up Scott Hamilton. Wanna come?
I bet I can score on your 5-hole
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
On a scale of 1-10 you're a 26.2
You make my heart beat faster than the starting gun.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the only way I would wake up early, is if I get to run with you.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
Are you a flip turn? Because I'm head over heels for you.
Are you a lap counter? Because without you, I'm lost.
You're the reason my pipeline to happiness is always full.
Are you a swim bag? Because you got everything I need.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I saw you with him, I'm happy for you.
I'm like a boomerang; I just keep comin' back to ya.
Can I didgeridoo you?
Let me show you why Australia started out as a penal colony...
Wanna ride on my kangaroo?
Are you from China? Because I'm China ask you out on a date.
Why don't we dim sum lights?
You ever been with a man that has Parkinson's? You won't need to do a thing. Just hold on tight and I'll do the rest.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for someone way better than you.
Do you have a name or can I call you 'ugly'?
I love long walks on the beach, gives me just enough time to dump your body.
Is your dad a failure? Because you're a living testament to his incompetence.
You have the most terrific bone structure. Your skull is going to be the prize of my collection.
You not only have a pretty face, I bet you're beautiful on the inside too!
Do you have a name or can I just call you abomination?
Do you have a map? Because I got lost in your eyes. [If this doesn't work, hit her in the head with a brick]
I like hookers.
Baby, you must be a broom because I'm going to snap your head off and clean the floor with it.
If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you. And by home I mean knife.
Do you believe in love at first sight or shouldn't I have ripped your eyes out?
That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on unsolved mysteries.
There's a tornado, come in to my basement.
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
I'd suck a fart out of your ass.
Hey baby, I've got a back seat with your name on it.
Do you wipe front to back or back to front?
I smell that you are in season... want to breed?
Hey baby, do you want to have an abortion a month from now?
I find your lack of nudity disturbing
Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
Know what would look good on you? CRUTCHES!
Do you like heavy metal? Because I can teach you how to scream.
Do you believe in helping the homeless? Take me home with you.
Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
Are you a light switch? Because you're illuminating my world.
Are you a football jersey? Because I'd love to wear your number.
You activate my nucelus accumbens like no other.
Your ego may be saying 'no', but your id is giving me a tongue bath.
You must be an EMT, because you're always saving lives... including mine from boredom.
Baby you're so fine my brain is changing structure just to process it.
Do come lay on my couch... With me.
Are you a doctor of love? Because you're always giving me a check-up... and finding something new to love every time.
My unconscious mind is urging me to talk to you.
When you fell from heaven, did it leave you with any lasting emotional scars?
You are the greatest perception of my heart's delusion!
Let me Freudian slip into you tonight.
You're into threesomes? Great, 'cause I've got split personality.
Who's your daddy? Do I remind you of him?
I'm not feeling myself today, may I feel you?
My two favorite letters of the alpabet E Z.
Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?
You'll be receiving a package soon.
We're having a penis-measuring contest over there. Do you have a yardstick that we could borrow?
Are you depressed yet? Cause you've been stuck in my head all day.
I don't need a meter to tell me that you're hot.
Are you looking for buried treasure? Explore my chest... With a knife.
I want you to sit on my face. Seriously, if there's a chance I might lose oxygen flow and die... I'll take it.
Hey baby, can you get your pants lower than my self-esteem?
I'd love to go to Uranus! Because it has a toxic atmosphere and would instantly kill me.
Are you a psychologist? Cause you cure my depression.
You seem depressed. Let's bang the depression out of each other!
You are like a live wire, hot and irresistible.
I'm not saying you're fat, but when you walk down the street, people think the parade is starting and they all grab a bag of peanuts.
Are you a quarterback draw? Because you've drawn me in.
