Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
You're so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, they'd arrest you for mooning!
You're so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone.
You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles.
You have a very sympathetic face. It has everyone's sympathy.
You're so fat, you sweat gravy.
You're so ugly words can't explain it. So I'll just go throw up.
People like you are the reason I work out.
I hope Jamaican yourself feel okay because I bet I can make you feel better with my hands.
Are you ever gonna give me a cue to breathe, or shall I just follow your direction?
You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
I studied in France and worked harvest in Italy, I've learned some of the secrets to making great wine and I'd love to share them with you.
I'm something of a garagistaI've been working on this Syrah, come barrel taste it and tell me what you think?
I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.
A crow is a four-letter bird.
The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour.
Are you a football jersey? Because I'd love to wear your number.
Where do mistletoe go to become famous? Holly wood!
I can tell a grape's ripe by the way it tastes.
The color palate of your face is really great in this lighting.
My love for you is like the A's and Daric Barton: it never dies.
Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has.
Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
You're like baseball: A thinkin' man's game.
What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light? You light me up!
Girl, you're thicker than Baffin Island.
We can do coffee or do it twice, either way I'll get you a double double.
Are you an auger? Because you've drilled your way into my thoughts.
A summer is a mathematician.
How do Chihuahua's say Merry Christmas? Fleas Navidog!
Cool necklace. is that locally handcrafted?
Your pitch must have hit me because I'm feeling a little faint.
Baby, I really knead you right now.
There's 900 square feet in a volleyball court, and I still find my way directly to you.
One date and I'll swachh you off your feet.
What will fall at the door first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalog?
You're quite the catch, baby.
You're like my toolbox—always full of everything I need.
Bacon isn't gonna be the only piece of white meat in your mouth tonight.
You're like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.
Anne of Green Gables? More like Anne of Green Babeles.
Hey baby, let's find something to taco 'bout.
Hey girl, did you come hungry in order to leave happy?
Once you go Jew, nothing else will do
I hope you like BBQs because you'll soon be eating my sausage with special sause.
Let's listen to The 1975 and make out under the stars.
What song do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells.
There may be plenty of gefilte fish in the kitchen, but you're the only one my bubbe approves of.
The map to my heart is located on the veins of my left arm.
The skeleton was trying tibia little humerus.
I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.
Life without you is like a lift without weights.
Do you like whales? 'Cause we can go hump back at my place.
Molecules boiling points vary to some degree.
Are you Andrea Pirlo? Because you're a work of art.
What is the wettest animal at the North Pole? The rain-deer
Abstinence leaves a lot to be desired.
Know anyone called Omer? Cause you have a Toprak
When asked what it takes to be a great cook the chef said that it boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.
What did the cow say to the reindeer? Moo
I ordered a beer so you would card me and see I'm an organ donor. Here take my heart and my number.
You're the reason my pipeline to happiness is always full.
The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer's disease.
No hunny, looking at you is dessert enough for me.
Is there a non-creepy way to hit on your waiter? If so, please text it to me.
What song did the guests sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party? Freeze a jolly fellow
The most popular operation for orthopaedic surgeons is upper-leg surgery: very hip.
I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.
If a Monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?
What is Santa's favorite Olympic event? North Pole-vault
Do you believe in premarital sax?
What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door
I think we should start a family tree.
Baby, would you like to be the other half of my superset?
My hands are frozen. Can I put them in your pants?
Bet I can bench press you.
Your broccoli heads are so big!
Why does Santa do in his garden? He hoe hoe hoes
Are you a doctor of love? Because you're always giving me a check-up... and finding something new to love every time.
I asked Kermit the Frog what I should use to join the pieces of metal, but all he said was, 'Rivet, rivet.'
You're so cute, I need an EpiPen to stop my heart from racing... and also to make sure it stays that way.
What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer!
What do zombies put on their Christmas turkey? Grave-y
I'm addicted to you like an aunty to chai.
Wow, are you a cougar? 'Cause I have a feeling you hunted guys my age before it was cool.
I think the soil needs some double digging.
I'm like a boomerang; I just keep comin' back to ya.
Can I interest you in some of my compost?
I was going to buy some loose tea, but the price was too steep.
I think you have been a bad boy, leaving your luggage unattended, I must punish you.
Hey girl, you wanna strum my sitar?
Do you really remember Cleopatra? I'll make you forget her! (Vampire)
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
I like your wart, want to see a few of mine?
Your treat or mine?
Want to join me on the threshing floor?
You're like the perfect drink—strong, balanced, and impossible to resist.
If we are in the airport, I would give you a thorough body scan, babe.
