Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I gave up hotties for Lent. Thank God Easter is here.
My name must be John Deere cause I'm totally a Tractored to you.
If you were a youtube video, I would watch you intensely at night without anybody knowing.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You should spend less time at the gym and more time working on your personality.
Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.
How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? -- She fits into your wife's clothes
Hey, look what the cat dragged in
Baby I'm about to line up in your neutral zone.
I usually Han Solo, but I'd let you turn on my light saber!
This saltwater reminds me of the tears that came to my eyes when I first saw you.
Did you know that you burn 2.8 calories a minute while slow dancing. Wanna work out?
You're so fat, if you got your shoes shined, you'd have to take their word for it!
I can't think straight around you.
You should search for someone with the same values.
Would you like your parrot on this shoulder....or THIS shoulder?
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
My coffee hasn't kicked in yet, so I can't think of anything charming to say.
I checked the thermometer, and you're officially one hot bird.
You should be wearing a soccer jersey darling so I don't have to ask for your name or number.
Are you Sergio Ramos' penalty kick? Cause you're out of this world.
100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
What's the difference between you and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself.
I'm not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
I need to learn to love myself before I can love you.
The letter 'X' scares me [Why?] Because I never want to be yours.
I know I just met you but I already like you more than candy.
Are your parents siblings?
I can't imagine what qualities you may have that would compensate for your behavior in public.
Blood is red, cyanosis is blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you.
Dancing without you would be like a broken pencil, pointless.
It's too bad stupidity isn't painful.
You Sexy, You Fine. I Really Wanna Make You Mine.
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back home.
Charzards are red Squitals are blue if u were a Pokemon I would choose you!
Hey would you believe me if I said I was bitten by a crocodile?
I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
You're so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, they'd arrest you for mooning!
You're so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone.
You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.
Your ears are so big when you stand on a mountain they look like trophy handles.
You have a very sympathetic face. It has everyone's sympathy.
You're so fat, you sweat gravy.
You're so ugly words can't explain it. So I'll just go throw up.
People like you are the reason I work out.
You make my heart beat faster than the starting gun.
Are you a scrub cap? Because you're on my mind all the time.
Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be agrand slam?
How many strokes do you want?
I wanna flush your pipes, baby.
From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle.
My number's imaginary, can I have yours?
Oncology is the study of car horns.
You're so cute, I need an EpiPen to stop my heart from racing... and also to make sure it stays that way.
A butter is an angry goat.
So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins?
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
Attire goes on a wheel.
I'm not fat-shaming, I'm just concerned that your double chin has its own chin, and it's judging me.
You must be a tensile force, because you're elongating my member.
Are you the nurse's station? Because I want to spend all my breaks with you.
As long as the imperial system is in place a ruler will be afoot.
The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.
Even though the chef's girlfriend was grate in many ways. She had a temper that boiled easily, was half-baked and extremely kneady.
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
Did you hear about the herb who was an all round great guy, did loads of charity work and was always there to help? He was a Tarragon Of Virtue.
A lawyer who likes to go fishing is an attorney-at-lure.
Are you into kinky stuff? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? I'll let you beat me.
Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell.
I'm not saying you're fat, but when you walk down the street, people think the parade is starting and they all grab a bag of peanuts.
I was going to buy some loose tea, but the price was too steep.
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
At his trial, the author needed a character witness.
It was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies.
The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour.
Molecules boiling points vary to some degree.
I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.
The skeleton was trying tibia little humerus.
When asked what it takes to be a great cook the chef said that it boils down to beating the other chefs to the cutting edge recipes.
Are you a quarterback draw? Because you've drawn me in.
Are you a football jersey? Because I'd love to wear your number.
Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it?
Are you a lap counter? Because without you, I'm lost.
A summer is a mathematician.
The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer's disease.
Are you a flip turn? Because I'm head over heels for you.
The most popular operation for orthopaedic surgeons is upper-leg surgery: very hip.
Your mouth is a garbage truck with the back door stuck open, and all the trash is coming out.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
Your putt looks great in those pants
I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.
The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana to sweeten the pot.
On a scale of 1-10 you're a 26.2
You must be an EMT, because you're always saving lives... including mine from boredom.
Are you a first down? Because I'd go the extra yard for you.
The mass murderer was always grumpy. He was a surly ol' killer.
Abstinence leaves a lot to be desired.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the only way I would wake up early, is if I get to run with you.
I asked Kermit the Frog what I should use to join the pieces of metal, but all he said was, 'Rivet, rivet.'
