Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to roll by again?
Can I take your temperature? Because you're looking hot today.
If I go into cardiac arrest will you give me mouth to mouth?
Perhaps you can help me with my PTP by snapping terminals with me and being my twin on some TNA processing.
Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?
Have I seen you on j-date?
I can find every pulse in your body!
You make me vasodilate!
You had me at Che.
I'm a gymnast, so if you're down for some mattress yoga, count me in!
It's all about love and drugs, baby. Can you be my love and I'll be your drug.
How about you let me take you for a ride in my bobsled? By bobsled, I mean bed.
You are just the way I like my coffee. Tall, dark and strong.
Let's go somewhere and postulate you out of that dress.
How about sticking a pinch of me between your cheek and gum?
Shall you be my imam because being your makmum is what I desire to be.
Hey baby I've got a living quarters trailer with a big bed in the front.
The sheer sight of you is enough to make innocent bystanders lose their appetite and question the cruelty of the universe.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? - Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
If ugliness were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence without parole.
Your mirror must have the patience of a saint to endure the sight of your hideous reflection every day.
I think I recognize your name. From my Patriarchal Blessing.
Your ugliness is like a curse, a constant reminder of the cruelty of fate.
You have a face that could turn milk sour and wilt flowers.
That's a nice burka. Can I talk you out of it?
Hey babe, you've been doing Tawaf in my mind all day.
I didn't trip over my robe, I fell for you.
Hey babe can I become your mehram for the hajj?
How do you scare a mummy - with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.
People avoid you like the plague, not just because of your ugliness, but because you radiate a putrid stench of repulsiveness.
Your mirror must be traumatized from having to reflect your hideous visage day after day.
Why do ghosts shiver and moan? - It's drafty under that sheet.
If there was an award for the ugliest motherfucker on the planet, you'd win it without any competition.
Your face looks like it was hit by a freight train, then dragged through a field of broken glass for good measure.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.
Your ugliness is like a curse, a constant reminder that life can be cruel and unforgiving.
I've seen better-looking piles of dog shit on the sidewalk than you.
Your car is a pathetic excuse for transportation, a rolling embarrassment on wheels.
The only thing your car is good for is as a source of laughter for everyone who sees it.
Your car is so old and rusty, it's a living testament to the concept of decay and neglect.
Driving your car is like riding in a tin can of disappointment and regret.
Instead of sealing our lips together, lets get sealed in the temple first!
I wanna flush your pipes, baby.
Is your medulla inflamed? Because you made my heart skip a beat!
What can't you give the headless horseman? - A headache.
Are you a gadianton robber? Because you just stole my heart.
Hey baby, will you let me socially penetrate your triangular theory of love?
Are you troubleshooting? Because you've fixed all my problems.
Let me show you a relaxation technique not used for systematic desensitization.
You're like a perfectly flowing faucet—steady, reliable, and endlessly refreshing.
I ordered whole wheat toast but it tasted funny. I think something was awry.
Do I remember you from my dreams, or is that just a false memory?
Are you a cleanout plug? Because you've given me a fresh start.
You're like a flexible hose—you fit perfectly into my life.
Are you a plumbing permit? Because you've got me doing everything by the book.
Why don't ghost have bands? - They get booooed.
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for someone way better than you.
Has the mere-exposure effect kicked in yet, or do I need to spam more of your instagram pictures?
There was a hiring freeze at the ice-skating rink.
Are those Nudie Limited Edition Masa Japan jeans from outer space? Because your ass is out of this world.
Do you have a name or can I call you 'ugly'?
Girl you're like a pizza. I want like 3 more of you and I don't wanna share.
You activate my nucelus accumbens like no other.
I'm just like a pizza. I'll fill you up tonight and still be there in the morning when you're ready for more.
Your ego may be saying 'no', but your id is giving me a tongue bath.
Come on now, ride your cowboy.
The exhibitionist went to the store because he heard they were having a flash sale.
My Liahona pointed to you.
I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later.
Are you a Hail Mary pass? Because you're my last hope.
Are you a light switch? Because you're illuminating my world.
Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go.
Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing.
Are you a water hazard? Because you got me soaking wet.
I don't need a meter to tell me that you're hot.
Namastay here or come home with me?
You are like a live wire, hot and irresistible.
I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots.
Baby, you're the light in my corona.
You are the greatest perception of my heart's delusion!
I'm like the USA Open, hard and long!!
Is your name Sunshine? Because you are “In my soul todayâ€.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.
Let me Freudian slip into you tonight.
Even though the chef's girlfriend was grate in many ways. She had a temper that boiled easily, was half-baked and extremely kneady.
After 18 Holes, I can barely walk.
For the price of that drink you could have had me for the night.
Look how big his putter is...
Are you a cheerleader? Because you've got me on the edge of my seat.
Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
That's a nice pair of yoga pants. Can I talk you out of them?
A definition of Christmas: The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.
Your downward facing dog makes my soaring crane rise.
Mi love yuh more than cook food
The mass murderer was always grumpy. He was a surly ol' killer.
Baby a weh u get dah bumpa deh?
The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana to sweeten the pot.
Claribell was so allergic to natural fibres that he had to make his clown suit entirely out of polyjester.
