Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Do you believe in premarital sax?
There may be plenty of gefilte fish in the kitchen, but you're the only one my bubbe approves of.
I like my women like I like my dreidels... bottom heavy.
What's say you and I go into a practice room and work on some harmonies together?
All I want for Channukah, is you.
Once you go Jew, nothing else will do
Excuse me, this Yom Kippur I have no sins for which to atone. Can you help?
Is that a dreidel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Have I seen you on j-date?
Shall you be my imam because being your makmum is what I desire to be.
That's a nice burka. Can I talk you out of it?
Hey babe, you've been doing Tawaf in my mind all day.
Our bitonal tendencies only augment our contrary motions baby.
I didn't trip over my robe, I fell for you.
Hey babe can I become your mehram for the hajj?
A trumpet isn't the only thing I can make scream high notes.
Is your medulla inflamed? Because you made my heart skip a beat!
Are you a two-octave chromatic scale? Because you leave me breathless.
So you're on drumline, wanna give first bass a try?
Hey baby, will you let me socially penetrate your triangular theory of love?
Let me show you a relaxation technique not used for systematic desensitization.
Are you a tenor? Cuz you're the only ten I hear.
Are you a 4th or 5th? Because you're perfect.
It would be great to rallentando floor with you.
Do I remember you from my dreams, or is that just a false memory?
Has the mere-exposure effect kicked in yet, or do I need to spam more of your instagram pictures?
Are you a piece of minimalist music? Because I keep seeing you again and again.
You activate my nucelus accumbens like no other.
Your ego may be saying 'no', but your id is giving me a tongue bath.
Can I play with your tremolo arm?
Are you ever gonna give me a cue to breathe, or shall I just follow your direction?
You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer.
Baby you're so fine my brain is changing structure just to process it.
Do come lay on my couch... With me.
I lost my black lipstick, can I borrow yours?
My unconscious mind is urging me to talk to you.
When you fell from heaven, did it leave you with any lasting emotional scars?
You are the greatest perception of my heart's delusion!
Let me Freudian slip into you tonight.
Is that blood or wine your having cause I was gonna get you another.
You're into threesomes? Great, 'cause I've got split personality.
Who's your daddy? Do I remind you of him?
I'm not feeling myself today, may I feel you?
Tell me, is your heart as cold and black as your eyes?
My two favorite letters of the alpabet E Z.
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?
Let's put the 'fun' in funeral!
Don't you think the human voice, wailing in agony, is the most beautiful of all instruments?
You'll be receiving a package soon.
Can our first date be in the cemetery? I'm dying to meet you there.
We're having a penis-measuring contest over there. Do you have a yardstick that we could borrow?
Pardon me, but my corset has come unlaced. Could you tighten it for me?
I heard milk does the body good, but DAMN! Blood does too?
Is that a candle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Do you like heavy metal? Because I can teach you how to scream.
You ever been with a man that has Parkinson's? You won't need to do a thing. Just hold on tight and I'll do the rest.
Why don't we dim sum lights?
Are you from China? Because I'm China ask you out on a date.
Wanna ride on my kangaroo?
I love long walks on the beach, gives me just enough time to dump your body.
Let me show you why Australia started out as a penal colony...
Can I didgeridoo you?
You have the most terrific bone structure. Your skull is going to be the prize of my collection.
I'm like a boomerang; I just keep comin' back to ya.
You not only have a pretty face, I bet you're beautiful on the inside too!
Do you have a map? Because I got lost in your eyes. [If this doesn't work, hit her in the head with a brick]
My hands are frozen. Can I put them in your pants?
Do you like whales? 'Cause we can go hump back at my place.
Anne of Green Gables? More like Anne of Green Babeles.
Baby, you must be a broom because I'm going to snap your head off and clean the floor with it.
We can do coffee or do it twice, either way I'll get you a double double.
Girl, you're thicker than Baffin Island.
I hope Jamaican yourself feel okay because I bet I can make you feel better with my hands.
If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you. And by home I mean knife.
Do you believe in love at first sight or shouldn't I have ripped your eyes out?
That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on unsolved mysteries.
There's a tornado, come in to my basement.
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
Baby a weh u get dah bumpa deh?
I'd suck a fart out of your ass.
Hey baby, I've got a back seat with your name on it.
Do you wipe front to back or back to front?
I smell that you are in season... want to breed?
Hey baby, do you want to have an abortion a month from now?
I find your lack of nudity disturbing
Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
Know what would look good on you? CRUTCHES!
Astral project with me, so I question how real this reality actually is.
Are you a psychologist? Cause you cure my depression.
You seem depressed. Let's bang the depression out of each other!
Come on now, ride your cowboy.
Hey baby I've got a living quarters trailer with a big bed in the front.
Are you depressed yet? Cause you've been stuck in my head all day.
How about sticking a pinch of me between your cheek and gum?
It's all about love and drugs, baby. Can you be my love and I'll be your drug.
You had me at Che.
Wow, are you a cougar? 'Cause I have a feeling you hunted guys my age before it was cool.
Let's listen to The 1975 and make out under the stars.
