Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Klingon: may'luchwIjmo' Qobbe' tajmey 'ach tIqwIj luDuQ mInDu'lIj! (My armor shields me from knives, but your eyes pierce my heart!)
What do angry mice send to each other in December? Cross mouse cards!
Your pants are the final frontier
What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want!
Where do mistletoe go to become famous? Holly wood!
What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light? You light me up!
How do Chihuahua's say Merry Christmas? Fleas Navidog!
What will fall at the door first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalog?
Klingon: pu'jIn vIpoQ. mInDu'lIj vIbejtaHvIS DaqwIj vIlIj! (I need a map. I got lost while I was watching your eyes!)
How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Anomalous heat reading off the starboard bow, setting an intercept course!
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Klingon: Daqtagh HInob! tIqwIj qa'angnIS! (Hand me a d'k tahg! I must show you my heart!)
What did the reindeer sing to Santa on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow
Hey, it's about time you docked that shuttle!
You make my pants go to Red Alert.
Is that a phaser in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I can't help it — my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on stunning.
I am having trouble getting my photon torpedo out of it's breech, can you assist?
You don't need a mind meld to know what I am thinking.
Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure (Pirate Costume)
Your eyes look Spocktacular!
I would literally give you my hand in marriage. (undead)
Are you a ghost? Because you've been haunting my dreams.
Wanna breach my wrap core?
Do you really remember Cleopatra? I'll make you forget her! (Vampire)
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
I like your wart, want to see a few of mine?
Your treat or mine?
Forget warp speed, let's just go on impulse..
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
I've got something big in my torpedo tube.
You must love Halloween! You don't need a costume to look like an angel.
Beam me up, hottie!
You act like your arrogance is a virtue.
You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.
If you were any dumber I would have to water you twice a week.
You're a prime candidate for natural de-selection.
You have the perfect face for radio.
Uhhhh, my lead off's not great, and though I may be off base, I'd like to take you on a date.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand
I like my women like I like my coffee, HOT!
Your breath is so stinky, we look forward to your farts.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Calculus and drinking alcohol do not mix. So, don't drink and derive.
I may not be Heath, but I can sure balance your ledger.
Hey baby, I have a green card.
I'd love to take it to the hole and drop it in your Hoop!
Are you a touch pad? Because I'd be the first to tap that.
'I got lost in the streets of Paris,' he said ruefully.
Vampires won't be the only thing I'm slaying tonight.
Are you equity? Cos my assets don't equal liabilities without you.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye
You just know me too well, and that freaks me out.
I'm blonde, what's your excuse?
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
You're so fat your shadow casts a shadow.
I'm just like an easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.
You remind me of my mother.
I made a blood painting for you.
You can be the queen of my kingdom.
Is that a telescope in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
There are five oceans, seven continents, and only one person like you!
If I were a fish, I'd be hooked on you.
Nice shoes, wanna drink blood?
Can I be the fortune in your cookie?
How're things looking in your books, got any room for some date-a entry?
Your so cute its distracting.
Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!
Do you play volleyball? Cuz you're about to receive this serve.
My workout sessions are a lot like my relationships. Quick, intense cardio with lots of intervals, followed by pizza.
I perform best when I'm wet.
Are you Suarez? Cause I'll let you bite me all night.
I'm at my best during overtime.
You must have a Teflon brain, because nothing sticks.
Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts.
You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay
You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
Here's my number. Just in case you ever need a grappling partner without a shirt... or pants.
May I stick a banana in your tailpipe?
When the town removed billboards, they told people that's how it was designed.
You can treat me like a stack of hay, and you can bale with me.
Meet me in the corn field and I'll kiss you between the ears.
You're getting a long one tonight, and I'm not talking about the Home Run Derby!
Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.
If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you.
You shine with so much Nur that you could light up a room... in my heart.
Are you mic tape? Cause I want you leaving scars all over my body.
Do you like pet shellfish? Because I have a very sweet clam you should pet.
I'm lost, can you tell me which road leads to your heart?
Your feet made me lower my gaze.
I could make you scream louder than the siren.
I know you're a knockout, so how'd you get me in this submission?
I don't have a very long hose, but I've got one hell of of a pumper!
