Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you just struggling to contain your excite-mint?
Your house is so nasty, I tripped over a rat, and a cockroach stole my wallet.
Are you made out of grapes? Because you are fine as wine!
I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
Your lips look lonely. Let me introduce them to mine
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
Hey girl, stay safe tonight, sleep with a fireman.
If you're an axon , I would be your myelin sheath.
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Where there is a pulse there is a chance.
I'm masc, hung, clean, and generous.
I know your name's not Little Albert, but I can make you scream.
My ears are not the only things that are long!
Your name must be Grace because you are amazing
How can you be from an ice planet when you're so Hoth?
What do you say we bounce like a bad email?
I had me at Amazon Prime.
Just like your paid search campaign, you've made quite the impression on me.
If you were a YouTube channel, I'd subscribe.
How would you like to make a 301 redirect to my heart?
I hope you're into cyborg-human relations, because I'm feeling like a machine right now.
It's not that they're stupid, it's just that their IQ is allergic to intelligence, and their brain is currently having a severe reaction.
If I asked you out, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?
Girl are you a Facebook status? Cause I like you.
Do you think we can make our relationship more serious and disable network sharing?
You're as useless as a time-traveling historian who always arrives late.
Have you ever bought a vibrator? (No.) Do you want to rent one?
I hope you dont have tetnus cause tonight your gonna nail me
Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T?
You wanna ride to starbucks? Cause I like a little cream in my coffee.
You're as useless as a professional snail trainer with a speed obsession.
Id love to invest in a riding lawnmower, to eat my grass.
How many horses can you fit in your barn?
I'd compare you to my mother, but I don't want to go down that Freudian slippery slope.
You look like you can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose.
I would love to see the way you farm.
The back seat of my new Dodge lays right down.
Do you like that Katy Perry song : I kissed A Girl.
Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.
You're not the person you used to be, and you never were.
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
Can I have ur number so I can wake you up for fajr?
My corn always wear a husk
Can I show you my spitball?
Hey baby, wanna see my bat'leth?
You have to smoke a couple of bowls before Thanksgiving dinner. I can't think of a better time to have the munchies.
What's the difference between a boner and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini right now.
I must have died a shaheed and gone to heaven because you are my 72 virgins all in one.
You're so beautiful, You would make hur-al-ayn jealous.
What's the "win probability" of me taking you home tonight, baby?
I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
Is there a gaping wound in your side or are you just happy to see me?
I think my medication is wearing off.
Do you wanna date? I bought a box full when I went to Madinah.
You're the only treat I want in my sack this Halloween.
Us baseball players know our way around the bases.
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
You're going to look so good bound and gagged in our meat locker.
I hear this place is haunted, we better stick together.
Hello, I am a thief and I am here to steal this dance.
If I were Peter Pan, dancing with you would be my happy thought.
Are you Casillas? Because you look like a keeper.
Thank God I'm not a red shirt, because you're drop dead gorgeous!
Is your name Zidane? because your head is amazing.
Can I be your beach towel? Because I want to be wrapped around you all day.Is your name Ariel? Because we were meant to be part of each other's world.
Hey babe, How 'bout we snort some Maalox together?
Are you Ashley Young? Because you have me diving into your heart.
That's quite a tight end you've got there sweetheart.
Do you want to shake my luluv?
When should you feed reindeer milk to a baby? When it's a baby reindeer
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it
If you were a basketball, I'd never pass because I want to keep you all to myself.
Hey baby, wanna calibrate my tricorder?
Do you love basketball? You only need a basket cause I already got balls.
Churchill isn't the only place where you can pet a polar bear.
Hello, eh. Girl your soft brown eyes remind me of the amazing beaver, eh.
What is the best key to get at Christmas? A turkey!
Your car's handling is so atrocious, it's like trying to maneuver a drunken elephant through a minefield.
Fewer teeth just means more room for tongue.
The interior of your car is a haven for filth and grime, a breeding ground for bacteria and foul odors.
Your car's suspension is as stiff as a corpse, providing a bone-shattering experience that leaves passengers longing for the sweet embrace of death.
Hey gurl, you lookin' a little stressed out. Why don't you let me check yo' thetan levels back at MY place?
Is your enchilada buttered?
I want to pound you like I pound the asphalt. For hours until it hurts.
Like Little Caesar's pizza I'm always hot and ready.
What's a monster's favorite bean? - A human bean.
Are you a cubed dice, roughly a quarter of an inch on every side? Because you're fine.
Are you up for some intercourse from which spurious issue may arise?
I want to have a Casual Encounter with you. Don't make me have to write a Missed Connection.
I've been applying strict scrutiny to your body, and it's compelling.
Let's go to the top of a mountain where I've set up a lovely dinner. It will be Kilimanjaromantic.
Did you know that my dong is an 8.0 on the rectal scale?
You must be opening night, because my heart races when I'm close to you.
Excuse me, are you a pizza? Because you're hot.
Damn, baby, I think you just stole my face and my heart.
Can I be the cream to your coffee?
Java number I can call you up at?
Your breath reminds me of the smell of gunpowder that flows over the quiet battlefield.
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart
When you walk into the room, I know the cavalry has come.
