Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I got a pension and I'm not afraid to use it.
I've got a Victrola back in my room. Wanna hear my Sinatra record?
Ohh baby...you're making my arteries hard.
I wouldn't mind seeing you for the rest of my life.
I want to sweep you off your walker and into your wheelchair.
Your company is so delightful, I'm contemplating putting a new battery in my hearing aid.
Don't worry I won't bite... No teeth!
Is your name Viagra, cause I don't think they will be able to close my casket after a night with you.
Are you a cat lady? Cause I'm the cat whisperer cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
Break my hip, not my heart.
May I take you to dinner? Next Monday would be best because that's when my social security check arrives.
Your senior assisted living facility or mine?
Can I carry your oxygen tank for you?
I've fallen for you and I can't get up! No worries though, life alert is on its way!
Do you believe in love at first sight, 'cause, if so, I'll grab my bifocals.
Everyday will be like our first day together cause I won't remember any of this tomorrow.
I would sink my teeth into that booty, but they might just stay there.
What's a nice girl like you doing in... wait, where am I?
As soon as I get my hip replacement, I'm going to hump you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a nursing home like this?
You're never too old to turn new tricks...
I can't remember what sex is. Care to help me remember?
Have we met before? No, seriously, have we met before?
Do you really need that scooter? Because youve been running in my mind all day long.
Do you want the lights off or the teeth out?
I've got a handrail in my shower, babe!
Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?
Your smile looks nice, but it would look better in a glass on my nightstand.
Waiter, you have an aged, dry white? Something to complement the little lady here.
Did you fall from heaven and you can't get up?
Is that a catheter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I must not have alzheimer's today because I remember how cute you are!
So, what was your name again?
Your name must be Alzheimer, because the Kaiser stole my pudding...
Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
The doctor says I need more vitamin U.
Hey, can I get a ride to the pharmacy?
I'm dieing to see you. Literally. I don't have much time left.
Where have you been pretty much all of my life?
Is that a shattered hip, or are you just happy to see me?
Are those your tits in your socks or are you just happy to see me?
Would you like to come home with me and pet my kangaroo?
Wanna play hide the Koala?
I'd like to take a safari in your outback.
I wanna get lost in your Outback.
Are you from Australia? Cuz I'd like to visit you down under.
Are you the ex leader of the Aus Democrats because I'd love to explore your Ridgeway.
I got a pois'nous snake in me pants, wanna see it?
I'm interested in working in your penal colony.
Let's boomerbang!
I got a sauso Sanga in me pants and I'm happy to see ya!
Do u have Australian in you? Would u like some?
Can I see the little joey in your pouch?
Ooh baby, I'm like a boomerang. You can run, but I'm coming right back to you no matter what.
Do you want to Australian Kiss? It's like the French kiss only down under.
Are you Australia? Cause your geographical location is hot.
That's right; I'm bigger'n the Sydney Tower.
You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
There's some cabanossi and cheese back at my house with ya name on it.
Wait until you see my thunda from down unda!
You must be the queen. Because I would be more than happy to fly my flag for you.
Would you like to come to my quarters tonight for some toast?
You know the Mounties? Well how about you Mount Me?
I'm going to straddle your border like Lloydminster.
Are you from Canada? Because if you're wondering if you can go out on a date with me, well, you CAN–UH-DUH!
Winter is coming as frequently as you would if you slept with me.
You and I could totally melt my igloo.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
Are you a sugar maple tree? Because I would totally tap that.
Have you ever been fishing? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
Take an Avonleap of faith and go on a date with me!
My igloo is cold, can I sleep with you tonight?
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
I'm really into architecture; want to see my CN tower?
Will you help me erect my totem pole?
Is that a maple syrup bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
You know what they say about guys with big snowshoes.
Hey babe. Wanna go for a timmies run?
You're sweeter than my maple syrup.
Want to see my lumber, Jack?
You're a beluga in this sea of cod.
The darker the berry the sweeter the juice, unless you're making syrup, of course.
You've never been to Port Hardy? I'll take you. It's in my pants.
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's Cuddle.
Are you a beaver? Because dam!
The thought of you makes me redder than the sands at North Shore.
May i take your truck for a test drive?
Hey baby, can I roll up your rim?
Can I hiber-mate with you?
Wanna find out if my shotgun shell will fit in your double barrel?
Hey babe, do you know that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?
Boy, you activate my ventral striatum.
You look good in that lumberjack shirt but I would like to see you out of it.
Hey baby, wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 10 anyway.
Well, aren't you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Girl you must be my cousin because I wanna do you.
Hey baby, why do you think they call it a pick-up truck?
You can't handle the tooth!
You are prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
