Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
See that man in the corner? Vampire slayer. C'mon lets get out of here!
Bite me! No really...
Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.
So, are you a satanist?
Attila was coaching a soccer team. He wanted them to win, but his Huns were tied.
You look good with skeletons.
You're depressed, TOO?!
The dentist put braces on his patient as a stop-gap measure.
Can I nail you? (and I don't mean to a crucifix!)
Ever do it on an embalming table?
Police found a criminal shot to death with exit wounds but no entry wounds. It was an inside job.
Hey, you in the black!
I wanted to buy my wife some fancy soap, but she would not have a bar of it.
The animals at the zoo started rioting. A porcupine was brought in to quill the uprising.
After the first hamburger press was made and became very successful, the inventor got a patty on the back.
Your coffin or mine?
Are you a grave? Because I want to bury myself inside you!
The home for rich squirrels is The Nutcracker Suite.
Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
I wanna spin you upside-down like my cross.
Just after thimbles were invented there was a shortage, so many people got stuck without one.
The other animals shunned the kangaroo. They treated him like a leaper.
I C Major potential in you and me performing a duet together.
That really nice fellow works in a clothing factory sewing zippers on jeans. That is good. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
Santa came down with the flue.
Ash Wednesday follows Volcanic Tuesday.
He learned a new Tantric at the sun clinic.
Let's measure the interval between me, you, and our clothes all off.
Swine were the most influential animal of the last decade.
Are you an F# because I miss you constantly.
The state police highway officer worked tirelessly in the heavy rain to assist a lady whose car was stuck in a ditch. He was a real trooper.
I wish you were an augmented 6 chord so you could bring resolution to my raised member.
A man brought his retriever to the vet for some tests and had to pay a lab fee.
I'd like to finger your fret board.
The flower that wilted was in desperate need of a stem cell transplant.
Girl you must have swallowed a speaker, cause your beauty is louder than the rest.
How would you like to see my big organ?
You know where to best find music? Between the sheets.
Hey, you're a pretty great pianist. Better yet, your bae-toven.
Want to make some parallel motion back to my place?
You must be a fourth or a fifth, because you're just perfect!
A cello isn't the only interesting thing between my legs.
The chimney sweep wore a soot and tye.
Yogi had a whiskey, water, and tea drink every night. He was a toddy bear.
I just broke my G-string. Can I borrow yours?
Hey baby, what's your dynamic?
Me and you are perfectly tuned together.
When I'm with you, my heart starts to syncopate.
Helicopter rescue pilots have the most successful pick-up lines.
Do you believe in love at first set, or do we have to run it again?
Will your adjust your note and resolve my raised member?
Are you my new favorite song? Because I'd like to hear you on repeat.
Stop, you're giving me a woodwind.
You must be the fifth scale degree of a diatonic scale, because you're always dominant in my thoughts.
Saxophonists do it wish alternate fingering.
If my mind was a playlist, theres only one song in it, and the song is you.
Hey baby, there's no need to fret if your g-string is open.
So, do you prefer lento, andante, or allegro?
A mouthpiece isn't the only place I like to put my lips.
Baby, our love will be like the cello line from Pachabel's Canon, it's gonna go on forever.
How many positions can you get into?
How bout you come over here and let me put my damp-it in your f-hole.
Hey baby I play bass drum, so you know I could give you a nice deep bang…
Baby when we're done, you're gonna need a whole rest
Are you from the 19th Century? Cause you can be my Babethoven!
Hey girl, is your leading tone a C# because all I can see coming next is this D.
Is that a fugue I hear? Because we're about to get entangled.
Can you please be the Treble to my clef?
Our voices are more than an octave apart. Let's get a little closer.
If you were my theory homework, I'd slam you on the table and do you all night long.
You make my heart go all staccato.
Would you like to borrow my tuner? Because you're looking pretty sharp to me.
Do you mind helping me work on my fingerings?
Darling, are you having treble? Don't worry, I'll be your strong bass.
Ducks don't have their palms read - they look for it on the web.
You have a nice set of mallets.
Will you help with with my French technique?
Wanna strum my g-string?
Guitarists finger faster, you know.
I wanna rosin your bow.
How does a Welsh man eat cheese? Caerphilly.
Trombones can do seven positions, and baby, my favourite's on the floor.
Did you just move from a V to I chord? Because I think you're perfect.
Boy are you a fifth because you're perfect.
Your golf addiction is driving a wedge between us.
Be mine, it's meow or never
I'd like to get your tongue.
Dinner and a mewvie?
I'd give up one of my 9 lives for you
If I said you have nice fur, would you hold it against me?
Are we in the litter box? Because I'm diggin' you.
I have a cat, she'd like to meet you.
Meet me by the dead bird.
Can I spend all my 9 lives with you?
Girl you must be the back of my paw because I want to lick you constantly.
Mind if I sniff your butt?
If you were a cat, I'd let you sleep in my bed every night.
Let me take meowt on a date
If a cat were to describe you. It would say you're purrrrfect.
Are you one of them hot cougars that pick up young willing men?
