Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Are you bar mitzvahed, cuz I need a woman?
You must be Egyptian because I'm a slave for you.
I used to think apples and honey were sweet... until I met you.
Want to come over and listen to NPR.
Do you want to roll around in my collection of antique buttons and talk about our childhood dreams?
I'm gonna disrupt the shit out of your technology.
Do you wanna spin my dreidel?
Why don't you and I share a sunset near the local pharmacy?
Can I hiber-mate with you?
Hey baby, can I roll up your rim?
May i take your truck for a test drive?
The thought of you makes me redder than the sands at North Shore.
Are you a beaver? Because dam!
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's Cuddle.
You've never been to Port Hardy? I'll take you. It's in my pants.
The darker the berry the sweeter the juice, unless you're making syrup, of course.
You're a beluga in this sea of cod.
Want to see my lumber, Jack?
You're sweeter than my maple syrup.
Hey babe. Wanna go for a timmies run?
You know what they say about guys with big snowshoes.
Is that a maple syrup bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Will you help me erect my totem pole?
I'm really into architecture; want to see my CN tower?
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
My igloo is cold, can I sleep with you tonight?
Take an Avonleap of faith and go on a date with me!
Have you ever been fishing? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
Are you a sugar maple tree? Because I would totally tap that.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
You and I could totally melt my igloo.
Winter is coming as frequently as you would if you slept with me.
Are you from Canada? Because if you're wondering if you can go out on a date with me, well, you CAN–UH-DUH!
I'm going to straddle your border like Lloydminster.
You know the Mounties? Well how about you Mount Me?
Would you like to come to my quarters tonight for some toast?
You must be the queen. Because I would be more than happy to fly my flag for you.
Wait until you see my thunda from down unda!
There's some cabanossi and cheese back at my house with ya name on it.
You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
That's right; I'm bigger'n the Sydney Tower.
Are you Australia? Cause your geographical location is hot.
Do you want to Australian Kiss? It's like the French kiss only down under.
Ooh baby, I'm like a boomerang. You can run, but I'm coming right back to you no matter what.
Can I see the little joey in your pouch?
Do u have Australian in you? Would u like some?
I got a sauso Sanga in me pants and I'm happy to see ya!
Let's boomerbang!
I'm interested in working in your penal colony.
I got a pois'nous snake in me pants, wanna see it?
Are you the ex leader of the Aus Democrats because I'd love to explore your Ridgeway.
Are you from Australia? Cuz I'd like to visit you down under.
I wanna get lost in your Outback.
I'd like to take a safari in your outback.
Wanna play hide the Koala?
Would you like to come home with me and pet my kangaroo?
Are those your tits in your socks or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a shattered hip, or are you just happy to see me?
Where have you been pretty much all of my life?
I'm dieing to see you. Literally. I don't have much time left.
Hey, can I get a ride to the pharmacy?
The doctor says I need more vitamin U.
Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
Your name must be Alzheimer, because the Kaiser stole my pudding...
So, what was your name again?
I must not have alzheimer's today because I remember how cute you are!
Is that a catheter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Did you fall from heaven and you can't get up?
Waiter, you have an aged, dry white? Something to complement the little lady here.
Your smile looks nice, but it would look better in a glass on my nightstand.
Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?
I've got a handrail in my shower, babe!
Do you want the lights off or the teeth out?
Do you really need that scooter? Because youve been running in my mind all day long.
Have we met before? No, seriously, have we met before?
I can't remember what sex is. Care to help me remember?
You're never too old to turn new tricks...
What's a nice girl like you doing in a nursing home like this?
As soon as I get my hip replacement, I'm going to hump you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in... wait, where am I?
I would sink my teeth into that booty, but they might just stay there.
Everyday will be like our first day together cause I won't remember any of this tomorrow.
Do you believe in love at first sight, 'cause, if so, I'll grab my bifocals.
I've fallen for you and I can't get up! No worries though, life alert is on its way!
Can I carry your oxygen tank for you?
Your senior assisted living facility or mine?
May I take you to dinner? Next Monday would be best because that's when my social security check arrives.
Break my hip, not my heart.
Are you a cat lady? Cause I'm the cat whisperer cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
Is your name Viagra, cause I don't think they will be able to close my casket after a night with you.
Don't worry I won't bite... No teeth!
Your company is so delightful, I'm contemplating putting a new battery in my hearing aid.
I want to sweep you off your walker and into your wheelchair.
I wouldn't mind seeing you for the rest of my life.
Ohh baby...you're making my arteries hard.
I've got a Victrola back in my room. Wanna hear my Sinatra record?
I got a pension and I'm not afraid to use it.
Where'd you get that pretty MedicAlert bracelet?
Hey, you're beautiful. Sit on my face?
I bet it hurt when you fell from Heaven? I can help you get there if you'd like?
