Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
The state police highway officer worked tirelessly in the heavy rain to assist a lady whose car was stuck in a ditch. He was a real trooper.
Are you an F# because I miss you constantly.
Swine were the most influential animal of the last decade.
Let's measure the interval between me, you, and our clothes all off.
He learned a new Tantric at the sun clinic.
Ash Wednesday follows Volcanic Tuesday.
Santa came down with the flue.
That really nice fellow works in a clothing factory sewing zippers on jeans. That is good. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
I C Major potential in you and me performing a duet together.
The other animals shunned the kangaroo. They treated him like a leaper.
Just after thimbles were invented there was a shortage, so many people got stuck without one.
I wanna spin you upside-down like my cross.
Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
The home for rich squirrels is The Nutcracker Suite.
Are you a grave? Because I want to bury myself inside you!
Your coffin or mine?
After the first hamburger press was made and became very successful, the inventor got a patty on the back.
The animals at the zoo started rioting. A porcupine was brought in to quill the uprising.
I wanted to buy my wife some fancy soap, but she would not have a bar of it.
Hey, you in the black!
Police found a criminal shot to death with exit wounds but no entry wounds. It was an inside job.
Ever do it on an embalming table?
Can I nail you? (and I don't mean to a crucifix!)
The dentist put braces on his patient as a stop-gap measure.
You're depressed, TOO?!
You look good with skeletons.
Attila was coaching a soccer team. He wanted them to win, but his Huns were tied.
So, are you a satanist?
Excuse me, miss? Hi, I'm doing a scavenger hunt for my fraternity rush, and one of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick.
Bite me! No really...
See that man in the corner? Vampire slayer. C'mon lets get out of here!
Wanna go for a ride in my porsche? It's black...
Are you a boy or a girl... or does it matter?
Hey there, sweet-fang!
He made a slow start in the sport of weightlifting but he picked it up eventually.
Are you a vampire? Because I've got something I'ld like you to suck.
Did Gregor Mendel ever win the Nobel Peas Prize?
Wanna go somewhere a little darker?
At the petting zoo I saw a sheep scratching itself. Turns out it had fleece.
Bring about is what a boxing promoter does.
Wow. That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer.
I thought I packed a memory card for my camera, but I forgot it.
Worship me!
Baby are you a diamond in the ruff cause I wanna cut you.
You couldn't be any hotter if you were dead.
Are you a witch? Because am under your spell.
Can I impale you with my 7″ stake?
The 'Star Wars' character was nicknamed 'Coffee'. His real name was Java the Cup.
Up for a little dominance and humiliation?
Sailing is like oil drilling because they're both crewed businesses.
Let's get out of here and go fog up are non-prescription glasses.
I'd take my sun glasses off for you!
My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling.
How about we try an experimental kiss?
I'd like to play your cool B Side.
Hey babe, are you gluten free tonight?
I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation.
The cannibal hitman preferred take out food.
Babe, I ain't no hipster, but I could make your hips stir.
Are you a hipster? 'Cause we should go out and fog up our glasses!
Hey babe, I know you'll love my pick up lines 'cause you've never heard them before.
Hey girl, let's go get lost at IKEA.
I was in love with you before your ex was!
You can raze a tree with a lumber jack.
Hey, haven't we had sex in the bathroom at Green Room before?
Hey girl, I have a unreturned library book that I want to read to you tonight.
Do you Chemex? Want to see my drip?
You're sweeter than the agave syrup in my organic fair trade mint tea.
It's a good day for the eno. Let's hang later.
I really regretted the inconsiderate comment I made. It was rued.
You've got bike courier eyes.
In bed, I'm just like my fixed-gear bike: Extremely hard to stop.
The obese editor started a weight redaction program.
Maybe it's just the PBR talking, but I could see myself in a non-monogamous relationship with you, or whatever.
I love you more than Dustin Kensrue of Thrice loves to write songs referencing fire...
Hey girl you're as hot as my Venti double shot dark mocha macchiato with no foam.
My father's father wanted to know if he could stay with the company in spite of the many changes. They ended up grandfathering him in.
Would you like to be my lock screen?
Wanna meet my Cobrasnake?
Since I've taken the job in The Everglades I've been swamped!
I had tried passing myself off as my twin but I couldn't live with myself.
I feel like we met at Whole Foods, because you make me feel complete.
Did you know that PBR actually stands for ‘Pretty Big Rod'?
Yeah, I was kind of a big deal at last year's Expozine.
They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it. It was full of carbs.
That ironic t-shirt you're wearing would look better on my floor.
The man leaned on the printer cartridge because he wanted to tone up his abs.
Girl, I got an extra pair of TOMS that might fit you. Want to come over & try them on?
Is that a pair of vintage Ray Bans in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Baby I see our relationship being like a good denim jacket: timeless.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an Pixies show.
I'm in my backyard...in my Eno... It's a double-nester.
I like my coffee like I like my women: ethical, fair trade, and organic.
There's an Arcade Fire ... In my pants.
When's the last time you had a good macaroon?
Lemme add my app to your dashboard. If you know what I mean.
When notes get in treble, bass-ically they get put behind bars. The alto-nate punishment is to push them off a clef and hope they land flat on sharp objects.
Want to go dumpster diving in my alley?
Do you want to go to bed bath and beyond and smell unscented candles and tell each other what we think we smell?
Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
