Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
I'm really into architecture; want to see my CN tower?
Will you help me erect my totem pole?
Is that a maple syrup bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
You know what they say about guys with big snowshoes.
Hey babe. Wanna go for a timmies run?
You're sweeter than my maple syrup.
Want to see my lumber, Jack?
You're a beluga in this sea of cod.
The darker the berry the sweeter the juice, unless you're making syrup, of course.
You've never been to Port Hardy? I'll take you. It's in my pants.
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's Cuddle.
Are you a beaver? Because dam!
The thought of you makes me redder than the sands at North Shore.
When buying a lamp a shady deal usually takes place.
May i take your truck for a test drive?
The calculus teacher tried to keep his students on task, but the class discussion kept going off on tangents.
Hey baby, can I roll up your rim?
Can I hiber-mate with you?
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
My vacuum flask is hopeless and it's a top of the range model - that's the only place it will keep anything warm.
What kind of flooring do alligator hunters use? Reptiles!
Why dont people in the ghetto celebrate thanksgiving? KFC isnt open on holidays.
Maya got a nice tan in Mexico, maybe next time Yucatan with me?
Let me sauce up your taco meat baby!
When Socrates needed to buy food he went to the grocery stoa.
We can blame it on fajita the moment.
What holiday do they celebrate in prison? Shanksgiving.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.
I love you more than a flour tortilla with beans!
My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing. I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Do you like tacos? Well cool you like 75% of me.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Cows make noise only when they're in the mood.
Careless stair dancers are heading for a heavy landing.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Your peroxide blonde hair looks good, but I would like to see if you are a true blonde.
Hey baby, why do you think they call it a pick-up truck?
You can't handle the tooth!
Girl you must be my cousin because I wanna do you.
My home is where I park it
God wants us to be together. That's why he gave us the same parents.
Wanna find out if my shotgun shell will fit in your double barrel?
Well, aren't you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Hey baby, wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 10 anyway.
You look good in that lumberjack shirt but I would like to see you out of it.
Hey babe, do you know that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?
You are prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I'll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
You're a better kisser than your Momma and both yer sisters.
Hey baby, nice tooth.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Rental agents offer quarters for dollars.
In very large sponge colonies in the ocean, there's a soaker born every minute.
What was the turkey looking for at ToysRus? Gobbleheads.
What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim? Pilgrim Reaper.
I ain't no donkey herder, but I could wrangle that ass.
Seriously baby, I'll take you out as soon as this check clears from my parents.
Damn girl, I hope you have an open mind because I have quite the night planned for us.
Wanna come back to my place to discuss complex interrelated cultural and political trends?
You and me together would be totally groovy baby!
If you join this drum circle you're sure to get a good bang.
That's a nice hammock. Does it fit two?
Hey baby, I've got you two tickets to the gun show...Let's use them to go and protest gun-related violence!
I'm undressing you with my 3rd eye.
My carbon footprint is the only part of me that's small.
After injuring my upper arm and wearing an ice pack, my wife accused me of giving her the cold shoulder.
Turn on, tune in, drop your pants.
I'd share my bar of soap with you.
If I told you you had a beautiful Prius, would you hold it against me?
I loved you before it was cool.
Want to come over and listen to NPR.
Was that you at a Vivian Girls concert?
I'd like to have you on vinyl.
Wanna go on a post-date?
Hey baby, let's get coffee and vegan donuts.
My beard is the same length as Abraham Lincoln's was on his 7th birthday.
Hey girl, is that an original Yo La Tengo 7†in your pants? Because your butt is extremely valuable.
Guy: Hey, do you have any pretentious avant-garde photographer in you? Girl: Um, no. Guy: Want some?
Hey girl, let's forget the world and start a post-rock band.
Mine safety is riddled with legal pitfalls.
Hey, my name's Ethel, it's a really vintage name, i doubt you've ever heard it before.
I just love the way you've styled the hair on your legs. Do the cornrows go all the way up?
