Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off.
How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome?
Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join?
Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand?
Are you in the on deck circle? Cuz you're up next.
The game's getting boring, wanna go back to my place and make it a blowout?
If you were a reliever, I'd sign you up to a three year contract with a vesting option.
Girl is your name baseball, cause I just want to hit it.
Would you just take one for the team, and go out with me?
I think I glove you.
They call me the Arizona D'Backs because I always play ball games late into the night
Are you Sonny Gray cos I just wanna stare at your curves all day.
I know I'm out of options, but I'll fight my way in and prove to you that I can make your team into a contender.
Like a platoon player, I'm dying to get some action.
Of all the butts in all the locker rooms, well, yours is way better.
Even though there's no ball game on tonight, I'll still be slamming something out of the park.
All the other guys out there are like broken bats, I'm a good, hard wood.
Are you accepting applications for your fan club? I'd love to join since I'm already a member of the Mr. Met fan club!
Now that the season's over, lets go back to my place and watch the highlights.
They say I'm like John Jaso because I'm all clear to be behind your plate all summer long
After this early morning spring training, wanna come be my afternoon delight?
They call me "The Lead" because the A's bullpen wants to blow me
You make my heart as spongey as the A's infield
You're like baseball: I'd love to play you in front of a crowd.
If you date me, you'll eventually see a diamond.
If you were a baseball could I hit a homerun!
I think I'm falling in glove with you.
I just want something quick to fill a gap, let's hook up on a one-year deal and then look at our option years later.
Play in my extra innings, I guarantee I'm a long reliever
My split finger will have your knees buckling.
Did you just hit me with a pitch? Cuz I'm feeling faint.
If you were a baseball mit, would you catch my fly balls?
So am I gonna be your closer tonight, or are you putting me in middle relief?
I've been warming up this bench for you my whole life.
We must be in the bullpen because you're warming me up.
It must suck not being able to use your hands like how you would use your hands on me
Is your name Vincent? Because I could do with your Kompany.
I'll be kicking myself if I don't get to know you better.
Did you know you look good in short pants?
Want to go upstairs and see my autograph picture of Pele?
Is your name Patrice? Because I want to keep you for Evra.
Hey is your name Vincent? Because I really need your Kompany.
Are you Godin? Because you look like you're about to score.
Hey, girl. I bet I can get you excited without even using my hands.
Are you Ibrahimovic? Because I think I nose you.
Is your name Arjen? Because you're Robben my heart.
Are you Arsenal? Cause you make me anna shoot my gun.
I can sweep you off your feet.
Are you Garreth Bale? Because you make me go bananas.
Hey, did ya know I'm part of a soccer team? (Really?) Yeah, hopefully I score tonight.
Don't Worry, Baby, I Won't Bite (Luis Suarez)
I like to practice some of my penalty kicks with you.
Wanna see my world cup in action?
Are you Messi? Because your touch is priceless.
Baby I'd love too get a jump ball with you, my possession arrow would always point your way!
Should I take it to the hole or take it to the rack?
You can drop your ball into my hoop anytime.
If I were a basketball player I'd be Shaquille O'Feel
You must be known for you defense cause you definitely stole my heart.
Handle me like you handle that ball.
Your Jordan jersey looks nice, but I bet it'd look even nicer on my bedroom floor.
You're coming at me fast, but I'd take a charge for you.
Can I dribble through your legs?
I love the way you handle the ball! Will you come lay up on me?
I'll let you foul play on me.
I've never made an incomplete pass, and I hope you won't be my first.
I'm Zam. How would you like a Zamboni ride?
I said, Would you like a PUCK?
If I can't score, can I at least get an assist?
Life is better when we stick together.
I'd let you score on my 5-hole.
My other stick curves to the right
Gretzky isn't the only great one.
Let me show you that I'm good for more than just a one-timer
If you were a puck I'd never shoot. I'd always miss you.
Look, my teeth spell out 'I love you' in block letters!
I bet my stick would feel great in your crease.
You should see what I can do with ice.
You heard right: I only take off this mask for two things.
Nice skates...wanna puck?
Let's play hockey. I'll be the net, and you can score.
Wanna puck?
Do you play hockey? 'Cause I wouldn't mind poke-checking you.
Lemme get a few slapshots on your bum.
I may be toothless, sweaty, and all black and blue, but I make a mean quiche Loraine.
Hi my name's Stanley, wanna see my cup?
You had my heart racing from the moment I saw you running.
I just met you, and this is crazy but here's my bib number...pace me maybe?
Do you run track? Cause I relay like you!
Since distance=velocity x time, let's let velocity or time approach infinity, because I want to run all the way with you.
Do you run track? Cause I relay wanna take you on a date.
You run faster than my nose in allergy season.
Is it allergy season? Because you run faster than my nose.
When you passed me, I felt like running faster but following you from behind was inspirational enough.
Do you run track? Because you are running laps around my heart.
Don't worry about slipping on the ice during this run, I'll be there to catch you.
I'd run three miles just to be with you.
Is that a Clif Bar in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Let me tie your running shoes, because I don't want you falling for anyone else.
