GotLines - Pick Up Lines, Jokes and Insults

Lines Ripped From the Headlines

News moves fast, and so do the jokes. This page collects pick up lines built around world events, headlines and whatever everyone happened to be talking about that month, ranked by reader votes. Some have aged well. Others are a small time capsule of a news cycle that felt enormous at the time and is now barely a memory, which is part of the appeal. They work best in the moment, so the ones near the top tend to be whatever is current. Expect a mix of genuinely topical and thoroughly out of date.

The Best Events

If the Coronavirus doesn't take you out, can I?
If I told you that you had a nice body, would you keep it six feet away from me?
Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?
Are you an N95 mask? Cause I want you on my face.
Roses are red Violets are blue If I end up in quarantine I hope it's with you.
Even during the coronavirus pandemic, the most contagious thing is still your smile.
Wanna make plans that we have to cancel?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past your house on the other side of the street again?
Our country is making a lot of mistakes during this crisis. Can I be yours?
Do you want to be my date to the end of the world?
Wanna get closer than 6 feet?
Did the coronavirus give you a fever? Because you're hot!
Is that pneumonia in my lungs or has your smile just left me breathless?
You're the only snacc I wanna stock up on!
I've got plenty of food and TP — want to bunker down with me?
Want to watch ‘Contagion' together? I heard it's a good way to exercise our fears.
If you need someone to self-isolate with I make a mean Quarantini.
Wow, you're so beautiful I wish we could be in quarantine together!
Wanna play coronavirus and get spread on hard surfaces?
So, Skype, Facetime or Google Hangouts for the first date?
Netflix and facetime?
The only thing not quarantined is my heart when I look at you.
Can't spell quarantine without U-R-A-Q-T.
Since all the libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead.
Are you the vaccine? Because the whole world is chasing you.
My admiration of you could never be quarantined.
Do you need toilet paper because I will be your Prince Charmin.
Wanna be my date for the end of the world?
The Coronavirus might have shut everything down, but I'm still open for business.
More Events categories: Quarantine and Isolation · COVID-19 and Coronavirus
I bet you'd look beautiful even with a face mask on.
Are you social distancing? Because I’d love to be six feet closer to your heart.
You must be my quarantine bubble, because I feel safest and happiest with you.
Is your Wi-Fi strong, or did my connection to you just drop?
Are you a video call? Because you’re the highlight of my stay-at-home schedule.
You’re the only person I’d share my last roll of toilet paper with.
Did you disinfect that smile? Because it’s dangerously contagious.
Are you my lockdown playlist? Because I can’t stop putting you on repeat.
You must be homemade bread, because you’re rising to the occasion of my lonely heart.
If beauty were measured in canceled plans, you’d be absolutely gorgeous.
Are you a face mask? Because you cover up, but I can still tell you’re adorable.
I’m no epidemiologist, but I think we have undeniable chemistry.
You’re the only reason I’d turn my camera on during a video call.
Are you my quarantine snack? Because I keep coming back to you every few minutes.
I’d cross any virtual background just to stand beside you in real life.
Did we just make eye contact through our webcams, or did my heart buffer?
You’re more comforting than a fresh delivery of groceries.
Are you a lockdown haircut? Because you’re a little unexpected, but somehow still cute.
I’m practicing social distancing, but my feelings for you are getting dangerously close.
If we were quarantined together, I’d let you choose the movie—even the bad ones.
You must be hand sanitizer, because you make my heart feel clean and tingly.
Are you working from home, or are you just professionally distracting?
You’re the only notification I hope interrupts my doomscrolling.
Are you a government-approved reason to leave home? Because I need to see you.
I don’t need a vaccine to catch feelings for you.
You’re so attractive, even my quarantine hair wants to meet you.
If loneliness were contagious, you’d be the perfect cure.
Are you my daily step count? Because you give me a reason to get moving.
I’d socially distance from everyone but you—strictly in my imagination, of course.
You’re the only person I’d unmute myself for.
Are you a contactless delivery? Because you’ve delivered joy straight to my doorstep.
I may be stuck indoors, but my heart has found a way to wander toward you.
Your smile is more uplifting than finding toilet paper in stock.
Are you my quarantine routine? Because without you, every day feels exactly the same.
I’d brave a supermarket queue just to buy you flowers.
Are you a Zoom meeting? Because I’m nervous, underprepared, and hoping you notice me.
I like my distance six feet, but I’d prefer my distance from you to be zero.
You must be my favorite houseplant, because I want to keep you close and help you grow.
Are you a lockdown loophole? Because you’re the only thing I can’t stop thinking about.
I’d trade twelve months of sweatpants for one socially distanced date with you.
You’re the reason my screen time report is embarrassing.
Are you a quarantine puzzle? Because I could spend all day figuring out how to win your heart.
If we were both wearing masks, I’d still recognize you by the way you make me smile.
You’re hotter than my laptop after a six-hour video call.
Are you my home office? Because I’d love to spend all day with you.
I’d send you a virtual hug, but honestly, I’m hoping for the real upgrade.
You must be a fresh batch of cookies, because you make staying home irresistible.
Are you an online grocery slot? Because I’ve been waiting forever for someone like you.
I’m not saying you’re essential, but my heart refuses to function without you.
Your quarantine outfit is so cute, it deserves its own dress code.
Are you a video-call filter? Because you make everything look better.
I’d let you invade my personal space, provided we both wash our hands afterward.
You’re the only outbreak I’d welcome in my heart.
Are you my favorite streaming service? Because you keep me entertained and emotionally invested.
I’m stuck at home, but you’ve got my heart traveling first class.
You must be a balcony serenade, because you’ve brightened my entire building.
Are you a canceled flight? Because you’ve completely rerouted my plans.
I’d put on real pants for you, and that’s how you know this is serious.
Your laugh is more contagious than anything I caught during lockdown.
Are you a quarantine countdown? Because I’m counting every moment until I can see you.
You’re the only person I’d willingly share my isolation snacks with.
I don’t need a dating app when the universe already matched me with you.
I’d share my sourdough starter with you, and that’s basically a marriage proposal.
I'm not sure if I'm blinded by your beauty or if that's another side effect of Covid-19.
Need a hand sanitizer massage?
Contagious smile. Infectious laughter. If looks could kill, you'd be COVID-19.
Are you Covid-19? Because you make me hot and short of breath!
Girl, do you have Coronavirus? Cuz you're looking sick!
Are you a rapid test? Because you just turned my maybe into a very clear positive.
I’d keep six feet away, but my heart is already six miles ahead of me.
Is your name Moderna? Because you’ve seriously boosted my interest.

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More categories: Quarantine and Isolation · COVID-19 and Coronavirus
If the Coronavirus doesn't take you out, can I? If I told you that you had a nice body, would you keep it six feet away from me? Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?