Lines Ripped From the Headlines

News moves fast, and so do the jokes. This page collects pick up lines built around world events, headlines and whatever everyone happened to be talking about that month, ranked by reader votes. Some have aged well. Others are a small time capsule of a news cycle that felt enormous at the time and is now barely a memory, which is part of the appeal. They work best in the moment, so the ones near the top tend to be whatever is current. Expect a mix of genuinely topical and thoroughly out of date.

The Best Events

Describe the type of pick up lines you want:

If the Coronavirus doesn't take you out, can I?

Are you an N95 mask? Cause I want you on my face.

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket, or are you just happy to be within 6 feet of me?

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you keep it six feet away from me?

Even during the coronavirus pandemic, the most contagious thing is still your smile.

Roses are red Violets are blue If I end up in quarantine I hope it's with you.

Our country is making a lot of mistakes during this crisis. Can I be yours?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past your house on the other side of the street again?

Wanna make plans that we have to cancel?

Do you want to be my date to the end of the world?

Did the coronavirus give you a fever? Because you're hot!

Is that pneumonia in my lungs or has your smile just left me breathless?

Wanna get closer than 6 feet?

You're the only snacc I wanna stock up on!

I've got plenty of food and TP â€” want to bunker down with me?

Want to watch â€˜Contagion' together? I heard it's a good way to exercise our fears.

Wow, you're so beautiful I wish we could be in quarantine together!

If you need someone to self-isolate with I make a mean Quarantini.

Wanna play coronavirus and get spread on hard surfaces?

So, Skype, Facetime or Google Hangouts for the first date?

Since all the libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead.

Are you the vaccine? Because the whole world is chasing you.

Can't spell quarantine without U-R-A-Q-T.

The only thing not quarantined is my heart when I look at you.

Netflix and facetime?

My admiration of you could never be quarantined.

Do you need toilet paper because I will be your Prince Charmin.

I bet you'd look beautiful even with a face mask on.

The Coronavirus might have shut everything down, but I'm still open for business.

Wanna be my date for the end of the world?

Need a hand sanitizer massage?

Contagious smile. Infectious laughter. If looks could kill, you'd be COVID-19.

I'm not sure if I'm blinded by your beauty or if that's another side effect of Covid-19.

Are you Covid-19? Because you make me hot and short of breath!

Girl, do you have Coronavirus? Cuz you're looking sick!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd keep U and I exactly where they are, with eleven letters between them.

Are you coronavirus? Because you're giving me a fever.