Life Related Pick Up Lines

Not every chat-up line is about a job, a hobby or a holiday. This page collects the ones about life in general — getting older, being tired, money, work, and the low-level chaos of ordinary existence. They are ranked by reader votes, and the ones that rise tend to be the honest ones, because shared exhaustion turns out to be a decent basis for a conversation. They work on anyone old enough to find the truth funnier than the fantasy, which is most people after about twenty-five.

The Best Life

Describe the type of pick up lines you want:

You're so beautiful, when I look at you my heart starts beatingâ€¦ I think.

If I bit my lip, would you kiss it better? [when she does, rip her face off with teeth]

This food's going to taste great! Don't worry, you will too.

This cold ain't as infectious as your smile.

Call the cops... See who comes first.

Would you be so kind as to lend me your heart, or shall I cut it out myself?

You look much more attractive in person than you do through my telescope.

Are you a loan? Because you're gaining my interest... Capitalism is ruining my life.

Wanna give me the d? That means death, please euthanize me.

You're the girl of my nightmares.

Netflix and kill me? Release me from the prison of existence.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an MGMT show.

I've got quick hands, a fast horse, and strong arms that can hold you tight all night long.

You make me want to spend the rest of my meaningless life silently despairing over the thought that you'll find a better man than I and take the kids when you leave.

I heard you like bad boys? Well I'm bad, at everything.

If I had a nickel for every day I've been wanting to be with a girl like you, I still wouldn't be able to pay off my father's crippling gambling debts that tore apart my family.

You're hotter than my fever.

Are you a noose? Cause I'd love to hang out with you some time!

Hey baby, let's lay and learn what each other's bodies are for.

You're like a cut on my wrist... people like you hurt me, but I keep getting more.

Hey baby, wanna boldly go where no man has been before?

Hey baby, Is your name clinical depression? Because you make me want to stay in bed all day trapped beneath your weight.

Can I curl up in your arms and let the beat of your heart soothe me to sleep? Because that sounds absolutely lovely.

I'm going to make like Toy Story and get Buzzed so I can play with your Woody.

Like a broken pencil, life without happiness is pointless.

You bleach your hair? Im the same way! I bleach the bloodstains out of my carpet!

Are you my anti-depression pills? Because I can't smile without you.

I'm looking for treasure, mind if I explore your chest?

I thought for a second I died and went to heaven when I saw your sad face, but then you smiled and I am alive and heaven has been brought to me.

I like my men like I like my coffee....I don't like coffee.

Oh you're a Libra? That's so weird! So were my other three vic... Dates!

Hey wanna play softball, we can take turns pitching and catching.

Roses are red, your underwear is lace, take them off and sit on my face.

Are you a corn field, because I'm stalking you.

I'm throwing a house party... and the only person invited is you

Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nutstighten up.

With calves like that, you should be a cowgirl.

I just want to be upfront and say that I visually enjoy you.

I want to make a lampshade out of your skin, because you light up my life.

The last time I saw a body like yours, I was burying it in my basement!

Want to get some air? Oh wait, I ate your lungs.

Hey, wanna come home with me? I guess you'll do for tonight.

I want to give you my heart. Literally, because it would kill me.

Are you from Tennessee? Because that's the only state I'm not wanted in.

Wanna smash? Me over the head with this brick.

Is your father a lumberjack? I'm great with carpentry and haven't had work in a while.

Hay girl, are you crippling depression? Because I'm going to be in bed curled up with you all day!

Is it hot in here or is it just the fire I've lit in your hair?

Hey baby, wanna practice for your second husband?

Hey girl are you the sun? Because you're brighter than my future.

Come into the kitchen and I'll show you how I put the counter in counterculture.

Nice outfit. I wish I could pull that off.

If sad looks could kill, yours would be a weapon of mass destruction.

Tomorrow there'll only be 7 planets left cuz tonight...I'm destroying Uranus.

Oh my god, do we have the same bra on? Let's look and see!

Hey can I borrow your lipstick and your lips.

If I could, I'd get rid of all of the chairs in the world so that you'd have to sit on my face.

The only thing straight about me is my teeth.

Oh, you're straight. So is spaghetti until it gets hot.

Is your name Oliver? Cause in a minute you're gonna be Oliver this dick.

Are you a burger cuz you can be the meat between my buns

Girl, are you Canadian? because I feel sorry for myself.

I lost my number. I'd ask for yours, but I'd probably lose your number too.

Hey girl come to columbia. We got a whole foods AND an earthfare down the road.

Save a horse, ride a cowboy!

Your skin is so soft, it would make a great mask.

Are you from heaven? Cause I can send you back.

The UPS office called. They told me I need to check your package.

I've fallen for you so hard, I can't think straight.

You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.

Do you like it in the can? And I don't mean PBR.

Are you clinical depression? Cause you make me wanna kill myself.

Hey girl, I put the sensual in non-consensual.

I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.

I think you're suffering from a lack on vitamin me.

If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

I wanna rope you, but I don't want to give you rope burn.

Wanna come over and see my vinyl collection?

Oh, you're straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet.

I'd call you mine if you just smiled.

I think you're the cure I've been searching for.

I have 8 inches of plastic for you.

I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

I only thought about you once today. I just never stopped.

I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U...

If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

It's not my fault I fell in love. Your sadness tripped me.

You and my cardiac stent have something in common, my heart needs you.

Did you fart? Cause you just blew me away.

You're not allergic to duct tape are you?

Are you depression? Cause I want you to fuck me all day long.

That shirt looks great on you, but it would look even better in an evidence bag.

I've got a knife and a penis and one of them is going inside you.

Are you dopamine? Because I just can't seem to get enough of you.

You don't need car keys to drive me crazy. But I need them to run you over.

Are you a thief? Because you've stolen my heart. Now get in the trunk.

Your teeth are so white! They're gonna make a great necklace.

Are you a word thief? Becasue I've run out of things to say...

You have the cutest smile when you sleep.

Wow, you're gorgeous! Your head would look great in my freezer!

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Life Related Pick Up Lines

The Best Life

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