Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Do you have a tea bag in your pocket because I can see me in your pants.
Wow, two teaspoons? Lucky for you, I'm a pretty good spooner myself.
You're such a TEAse.
You are the hollandaise to my poached egg.
I don't want to sound corny, but I think you're a-maize-ing.
I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?
How about we skip the hors d'oeuvres and head straight for the digestif?
I'll put the special in your sauce.
If you were my sauce pan, I'd never deglaze you.
Is it hot in here? Is it the salamander, the grill, and the 18 burners? or is it you?
Wanna see my meat walk-in?
Are you Gordon Ramsay? because I can make you scream.
Wanna gonna come by the restaurant and check out my biscuits?
You're so sweet, i just want you for dessert.
Looks like you need a little extra seasoning in your life. I got the right kinds of salt.
You're so hot I just burnt the roof of my mouth!
You're so hot I'd eat a durian to be with you!
Hershey makes millions of kisses a day, I'm asking for only one.
Even if it tastes bad, don't insult the chef. Just swallow.
How about I put my meat in your grill?
Even my new stainless steel cookware set isn't as slick as you!
You're my missing ingredient.
Is your name fajita? 'Cuz you're sizzling!
I'm a slowly braised hunk of meat; a tender, succulent animal!
Hey baby, need me to spice up your life?
Is your name Julianne? Because you're fineee!
Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock.
Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?
Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?
I'd love to show you my root garden.
Do you like potatoes? I've got the gravy...let's go give thanks!
You are the fond on the roasting pan of life.
Your name must be Jelly... 'cuz jam don't shake like that.
Will you let me be the avocado in your turkey sandwich?
Are you into salads? Because I think I'm falling in lovage.
I'm a locavore... I got all I need right in front of me.
I can last longer than cast iron.
You're spicier than Sriracha.
You're spicier than a ghost pepper.
Let's pretend you're a farm and I'll be the table.
You make my highly sensitive palate water.
How 'bout I cook dinner, and eat you for dessert?
At yeast you're in my thoughts, all the time.
Do you know where the pasta is? I'm feeling a little saucy.
I always hand whip my cream.
Do you believe in love at first bite or should I add more cheese?
Are you a crawfish? Cuz I want to tear you in half and suck out your brains.
Are you sriracha? Because you are HOT!
Are you Vietnamese noodle soup? Because you look so pho-kable.
I might not be a Doritos Locos Taco but, I sure will spice up your night.
I may not be Sriracha sauce, but I sure will spice up your life.
Care to share some oysters and wine with me?
Are you an essay? Because you got me hooked and now I want your breadcrumbs.
Do you make tacos? Cuz I really want some of that lengua.
Do you want to get a beavertail and get outta here.
Even ice cream melts in my hand, why don't you?
Have you ever seen a guy eat an entire can of pinto beans in under 10 seconds? Would you like to?
Hey do you want to make like a banana and split... The check.
This food isn't the only thing I'll be eating tonight.
Is your name paprika? Cause you spice up my life!
How about I check your internal temperature with my meat thermometer?
I believe in eating all organic.
I have a bunch of Klondike bars back at my place.
I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk.
I know we barely know each other, but pasta and love are best al dente.
I love french fries but I love you more.
I like my women like I like my soup: Hot, Creamy, and no stranger to spooning.
I ran out of my pickled summer garden vegetables. Can I have some of yours?
I relish the idea of spending time with you. We should ketchup sometime.
I wanna be like waffles with you and wake up on top of each other.
If i was a potato, would you be my cheesy?
If you were a dessert, I would drizzle a balsamic reduction all over you.
If you were a food, you'd be bacon, because you're fat.
Is that a banana in my pocket? Cause damn! I'm hungry.
Is your name Halva? Cause you taste so sweet.
I'd love to dig into a plate of you...
I'd love to taste those spicy meatballs of yours.
Mmm girl! You're so sweet I'm gonna get diabetes!
My love for you is infinite, like the number of seeds on a strawberry.
We go together like a burger and fries.
We should pear up!
You can scramble my eggs anytime!
You look like delicious bowl of ice cream, I just gotta spoon you.
You must be corn syrup chase you're really sweet.
You remind me of spicy food, because you're making me sweat while my heart burns.
You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!
Since you are on your feet all day, I figured you'd like to go lay down with me when you are done?
You'd be the perfect woman, even if your hair didn't smell like French fries.
I can serve you more than just food.
Let me show you my daily special.
My burger was great, but you are rare and well-done at the same time.
So when's your next night off?
You'd still be pretty even if your hair didn't smell like fried goodness.
I ordered the skate so you'd think I was sophisticated and healthy. Now I'm still hungry. Pizza burgers when your shift ends?
Don't worry, I'm 100% organic and locally grown.
I'd love to get into your plants!
I left my watering can at home but I can still make it grow.
There's something so organic to the way you use your hands.
