Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
If I were your gardener I'd put your Tulips and My Tulips together
You're so sexy you make me want to flower.
If I were a gardener, You'd be my hoe.
You're like a sweet honeybee stinging my heart.
Will you let me water your bushes?
Is that a stalk of chard in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I see you're putting some flowers down in your new garden... how about you come plant one of them on me?
You could plant some seeds in my back garden!
How juicy are your pumelos?
Your heirloom tomatoes are the juiciest I have ever tasted.
You must be a garden, cause I'm digging you.
How about you and me turnip in your bed?
I can suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose.
How long has it been since you mowed your lawn?
Girl, you smell like straight up lavender. A whole field of them.
I like my men like I like my compost, dark and rich.
I dig you more than a shovel digs up plants.
Hate to see you go, but I love to watch your leaves!
I want to plant my Dogwood right in between your two big Hibiscus.
How big does your squash grow?
I'd like to make you my backyard bounty.
Did I ever tell you, you smell like a freshly cut lawn?
I've got an apple tree In my backyard. I'd catch them like I'd catch you.
You smell as good as a bundle of lavender.
What do you say we get out of here and free range somewhere green?
These mason jars fit perfectly in my hand. I bet you would too.
Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Tulips are cute, can I have your number?
Is your name Daisy cause I wanna plant you right here!
If me and you made a garden, would you plant your tulips next to mine?
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
I like getting my hands dirty in any kind of organic garden.
What book would you recommend to help me sweep you off your feet?
It's a shame you can't eat in the library, because I'm hungry for you.
I hope you're not in the restricted section, because I'd love to take you out.
Excuse me miss, can I pay for your printing?
Care to come back to my place for a little Dickens?
I hope you don't have a roommate, because tonight, I want to make a lot of The Sound and the Fury with you.
I'll dewy decimal system your shelves any day.
Call me William S. Burroughs, because I want to Naked Lunch with you.
You must work in a library because you just increased my circulation!
If you were a library book, I'd never bring you back.
If this were a library you'd be the only book I'd check out.
Can get your reference number?
Hey baby, can I put you on reserve?
Do you have any books on being in love with me?
As a librarian, I can confirm that this line does indeed work.
I can also read something else besides books, your heart.
Are you reading Fahrenheit 451? Because damn, you're smoking.
Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play librarian.
Libraries should allow food in the building, because right now I could just eat you up.
Meet me in the Romance section let's make Romeo & Juliet jealous.
Call me Big Brother, because I've been watching you all night.
You've put a hold...on my heart.
Can you tell me where I can find books on overcoming a deeply passionate love I have for a librarian?
It would be both a Crime and Punishment if you don't let me take you out.
I'll meet you in the fantasy section.
I hope you're a long-term loan, because I never want to give you back.
What do you look for in a man/woman — other than literacy skills?
What do you say we get out of here and find A Room of One's Own?
Are you an overcrowded library branch location? Because you are STACKED.
I think must have found the Romance section...
We could make such a beautiful library together.
Do you have a card in the Dewey decimal system? Because I gotta write down your number.
Now that I work at the library I can literally check you out.
Baby, the only section in my library is classified under Dewey 617 because I only have eyes for you.
Can you help me put this away in the anthropology section.
You can classify me in your fantasy collection.
Are you on interlibrary loan? ‘Cause baby, you are outta this library!
Do you have overdue books? Because you have fine written all over you.
You're body is so banging, what do you say we make a sequel.
Are you a thriller? Because I can't seem to put you down.
You were saying, how big is your library again?
You wouldn't happen to have an extra pencil on you?
You know what else is perfect? The card catalog of your features, girl.
Want to come back to my place to see my huge Phillip K. Dick collection?
You. Me. Bacon.
Do you pee here often?
You can pee on my fire hydrant any time.
You had me at ruff.
How did you get through security without setting the sensors off?
We can cross international boundaries together, you and I, let's do it tonight, babe.
Oh, darling you are so cute that I won't even check on your board pass anymore.
You should not be let to travel alone with that pretty face of yours, baby.
Darling, should we drink some coffee in the morning around Paris?
I don't need no captain, just you, to remind me to do things in the upright pose.
I don't know what gate I'm boarding at, but I hope it's close to yours.
Babe, should we check out your baggage and see if we can take some of them off you?
Hey girl, why are you in the business class when you could surely fly up first class?
I get nervous when I fly; do you mind if I hold your hand?
I'm afraid you can't pass this point, 'cause you da bomb, Baby.
I think you have made me believe there is indeed a love in the first flight.
I hate flights but if I get to check in with you in the airport, I can manage it.
Good thing that's not a wood detector, 'cause you'd keep me here all night.
You like to travel, girl? Well, how about I show you my map in the bedroom tonight?
Your sense of wanderlust is truly strong, I love every second I am with you, girl.
What metal are you wearing down there, the detector just went blinking really fast!
The airport officers need not remind me that I have to be in the upright position with you.
I hate staying up all night, especially in the airport but if it's your arrival, I'll be wide awake.
You wouldn't believe what I had to trade for this seat next to you.
Baby, I can show you how they treat people up in the first class in my bedroom tonight.
