Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
As the farmer passed the gorgeous woman he did everything he could to a tractor attention.
DNS is the root of all problems.
A DHCP packet walks in a bar asks for a beer, waiter says ok but I'll need it back in an hour.
CPR is a near-breath experience.
My friend brought me a Swedish cake. I later discovered it was Stollen.
When the train conductor got unfairly railroaded by his boss, his life immediately began going down the wrong track.
On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9. I'm the 1 you need
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track
They say dating is a numbers game... so can I get your number?
Did you invent the airplane? Cause you seem Wright for me
A streaker was found dead this morning. Police say the details are quite revealing.
I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
I met some cult members who worshiped soup serving utensils. I said, 'Oh ye of ladle faith.'
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot that you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill
I've seen roadkill that's more appealing than your sorry excuse for a face, you monstrosity.
My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.
Eating oysters can help you increase your mussel tone.
A contest between church choirs is the battle of the choral see.
The toilet paper walked into the employment center two-ply for a job.
The police officer blamed his poor choice on arrested development but his superior told him that excuse was just a cop out.
I have amnesia - do I come here often?
The recycled cartridge business certainly lowered the toner the neighborhood.
Labor contracts come just before childbirth.
What do I have to do to get on your drunk dial list?
I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares.
Did you die recently? Cause girl, you look like an angel to me.
Some Missouri home designers are Ozark-itects.
A range-finder is a person who goes shopping for a new stove.
When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.
Having my hair cut for free is the only fringe benefit I receive.
When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I had to pay the taco bill.
He said, 'Hones', that is the truth', but I knew elide.
People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.
I will pawlways love you
I like cats more than dogs.
I'll make you purrrrrrrrr.
If you were a cat, I'd spend all 9 lives with you.
Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines.
Crosswords are what you hear when you distract someone working on a puzzle.
You're the cats whiskers.
Are you one of them hot cougars that pick up young willing men?
If a cat were to describe you. It would say you're purrrrfect.
Let's litter.
Can you take me to the vet, because you just took my breath away.
The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place.
Want to see some hairballs?
You're purrrrfect!
My vet says I'm lacking in Vitamin U.
You complete meow me
Your golf addiction is driving a wedge between us.
Let me take meowt on a date
If you were a cat, I'd let you sleep in my bed every night.
Mind if I sniff your butt?
Girl you must be the back of my paw because I want to lick you constantly.
Can I spend all my 9 lives with you?
Meet me by the dead bird.
I have a cat, she'd like to meet you.
Are we in the litter box? Because I'm diggin' you.
If I said you have nice fur, would you hold it against me?
I'd give up one of my 9 lives for you
Dinner and a mewvie?
I'd like to get your tongue.
Be mine, it's meow or never
I couldn't decide whether or not to make spiced apple cider, so I mulled it over.
Are you a bag of treats? Because I wanna sample you.
I will make you purrrrr!
Baby, we only got 9 lives.
Cat call me.
I like you furry much
Don't purrcrastnate just be mine
Tell me what makes you purrr
That's a beautiful dog. Does she have a phone number?
Woof woof woof, woof woof! Woof woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof dinner and a movie?
Can you help me find someplace to pee?
Is it warm out here, or are you in heat?
Would you like to go on a poop-duty double date?
Do you believe in cross-breding?
If I were a dog would you help me bury my bone?
With your beauty and my thoroughbred we?d make an exotic litter of puppies
Are you an archaeologist? Because I?ve got a very large bone for you to examine
You must be my backyard coz I really dig you
I'll be your Tramp if you'll be my Lady.
They said he drank 2 bottles of whisky a day, but it wasn't true. He had to scotch those rumours right away.
When the prisoner died just before his parole they put him in a halfway hearse.
What a cute puppy. One day you're going to be as beautiful as your Mommy
Hello there, beautiful… looking for an Alpha Dog?
Hey Gorgeous, can I buy you a liver treat?
My, your butt smells delightful!
Interest has such accrual way of accumulating.
Can I get you a tennis ball?
Excuse me, but I just ordered a bottle of wine, and it turns out my friend can't make it after all. I'd hate for it to go to waste. Would you care to join me?
You're so cute, I could just bottle you and drink you up.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
I'm local, organic and biodynamic – wanna taste?
If I tasted you, I'd roll you around with my tongue for hours.
If only I were that wine you are drinking, because then I would already be inside of you.
My van's parked outside. Let's say you and I just take a ride down to the beach and check out the stars?
An hobbituary to Tolkien appeared in each of the major newspapers, all had a familiar ring to them.
