Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Hey baby, I've got a back seat with your name on it.
I wish I could harvest you at peak season.
If there's nothing to say, I'm sure you'll say it.
I just want you to know that, despite having no legal obligation to, I will come to your aid if you require it.
Are you a single rider, because I'm a single rider too?
There should be government regulations against all your goodness.
I don't normally sow wild oats, but for you I'd make an exception.
Are you a scrub cap? Because you're on my mind all the time.
Let's put the 'fun' in funeral!
You must be a time traveler from ancient Egypt, because you're definitely a pyramid with a food addiction.
You smell like silage and sunshine.
Are you a medium? Because I'd like to paint you on carpet.
I find your lack of nudity disturbing
You must be my coronary artery because you're wrapped around my heart.
I'll show you my docking bay if you show me your ship.
Do you want to check out my home quarter?
There's nothing I won't do for you, and I'm going to keep on doing it.
I believe that it's in our best interest to comply with section 69 of the act.
You've stolen my heart away. Luckily, I've got another three or four in the freezer.
Are you a statute of limitations? Because I've got no time left to waste—I want you now.
You must be a catheter, because you're draining all my worries away.
I wanna put your pork on my fork.
The shade of black you are wearing really brings out your beauty.
I'd suck a fart out of your ass.
You make my heart beat faster than the starting gun.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the only way I would wake up early, is if I get to run with you.
Do you wipe front to back or back to front?
Want to come over for some Malt Liquor and Kool-Aid?
Of all the Stars in all the Galaxy, you had to hitch your planet to mine.
I'll tell you how many acres I farm.
Hey baby, can you get your pants lower than my self-esteem?
I lost my black lipstick, can I borrow yours?
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
Is that blood or wine your having cause I was gonna get you another.
Don't you think the human voice, wailing in agony, is the most beautiful of all instruments?
Come back to my place and I will assimilate you into my collective!
You ever been with a man that has Parkinson's? You won't need to do a thing. Just hold on tight and I'll do the rest.
All I want for Channukah, is you.
You get jet lag every time? I bet I can show you how fast I recover right now!
They're so intellectually challenged, they make a box of frozen waffles look like a think tank.
You act like your arrogance is a virtue.
You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
If you were any dumber I would have to water you twice a week.
I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.
You're a prime candidate for natural de-selection.
You have the perfect face for radio.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand
Uhhhh, my lead off's not great, and though I may be off base, I'd like to take you on a date.
I like my women like I like my coffee, HOT!
Your breath is so stinky, we look forward to your farts.
Hey baby, I have a green card.
Calculus and drinking alcohol do not mix. So, don't drink and derive.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
I may not be Heath, but I can sure balance your ledger.
Are you a touch pad? Because I'd be the first to tap that.
You just know me too well, and that freaks me out.
I'd love to take it to the hole and drop it in your Hoop!
Are you equity? Cos my assets don't equal liabilities without you.
Vampires won't be the only thing I'm slaying tonight.
'I got lost in the streets of Paris,' he said ruefully.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye
I'm blonde, what's your excuse?
If you had another brain, it would be lonely.
You're so fat your shadow casts a shadow.
Is your body from McDonald's? Cause I'm lovin' it!
You can be the queen of my kingdom.
If I were a fish, I'd be hooked on you.
I made a blood painting for you.
Can I be the fortune in your cookie?
Is that a telescope in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
Nice shoes, wanna drink blood?
I perform best when I'm wet.
How're things looking in your books, got any room for some date-a entry?
I'm just like an easter bunny - sweet, but hollow on the inside.
Are you Suarez? Cause I'll let you bite me all night.
My workout sessions are a lot like my relationships. Quick, intense cardio with lots of intervals, followed by pizza.
There are five oceans, seven continents, and only one person like you!
I'm at my best during overtime.
Your so cute its distracting.
Do you play volleyball? Cuz you're about to receive this serve.
You remind me of my mother.
You must have a Teflon brain, because nothing sticks.
Your head is so big you have to step into your shirts.
You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
Your shirt has to go, but you can stay
You're getting a long one tonight, and I'm not talking about the Home Run Derby!
You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
Christ has risen today, and so have my pants.
If you were a transformer, you'd be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine
If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you.
Can I stuff your taco with my beef?
Do you like pet shellfish? Because I have a very sweet clam you should pet.
I like breakfast in bed, so why don't you just come sit on my face?
Ay dios mio! Jorge jr. just got muy gordito.
Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
You shine with so much Nur that you could light up a room... in my heart.
