Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
What kids movie do you watch on Thanksgiving? The Mighty Turduckens!
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
Would you allow me to experience what's beyond your Event Horizon?
Hey baby you shine so bright I want to be your co-orbital companion!
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Is there a wormhole that will always take me directly to where you are?
Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
Thanksgiving Day, across America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment... halftime.
You must be my coronary artery because you're wrapped around my heart.
We are going to have very HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
Excuse me, are you osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition.
Want to be the susceptible host to my airborne pathogen?
I don't want to hold you back.
If I said Marco, would you say Polo?
Maybe we have too much in common and too much alike.
I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
Want to break the wishbone? I'm wishing for a date with you.
The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.
What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? - They suck!
My multi-phasic trans-dimensional inducer method is guaranteed to complete your cycle of operations.
Hey baby, are you a fish? Because you like FINtastic.
Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? - Because people are dying to get in.
Don't feel bad about going 5 under the speed limit, I wouldn't want to damage you going too fast either.
I see you got a lot of room in your backseat.
What did tha boy ghost say to the girl ghost? - You are the most booooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!
Can I check out your oil with my dipstick.
What was the mummies' vacation like? - Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.
How about I shift my stick into something else...
What is in a ghost's nose? - Boogers
What is Dracula's favorite restaraunt? - Murder King
What did Dracula have for dessert? - Whine & Ice scream
What did the goblin say to the witch? - I don't know you tell me!
What do gosts call there girl friends? - There goul friends.
I'd like to clean your plasma conduits.
What is a Skeleton's favorite song. - Bad to the Bone
Comedians, the biggest joke going.
What's a Vampire's least favourate song? - Another one bites the dust!
What did the bird say on Halloween? - Trick or tweet!
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? - Because he had bat breath.
Why was the mummy so tense? - Because he was all wound up.
What did the corpse' mom do when her son was bad? - Ground him
If I was a car, you'd have to write me a speeding ticket, because I never take it slow.
Where do ghosts go out? - Where they can get booo-ze.
What do you call two witches living together? - Broommates.
Why does a witch ride a broom? - Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
What do they teach in witching school? - Spelling.
Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it? - a coffin.
Where did the ghost get it's hair done? - At the boo-ty shop.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? - Mali-boo.
What do ghosts drink at breakfast? - Coffee with scream and sugar.
When does a ghost have breakfast? - In the moaning.
What type of dog does every vampire have? - Bloodhound!
What's a ghosts favorite desert? - Boo-berry pie.
What is a ghosts favorite sale? - A white sale.
Why did the headless horseman go into business? - He wanted to get ahead in life.
What kind of key does a skeleton use? - A skeleton key.
Open up your hangar my starfighter needs refueling.
Can I see your garbage mashers on the detention level?
I wanna put your pork on my fork.
Do you want to check out my home quarter?
Hi. I'm doing my prayer list. Please put your name and number down
I don't normally sow wild oats, but for you I'd make an exception.
There should be government regulations against all your goodness.
I've got some new rubbers, so it's ok to sow my wild oats if it gets too wet in the field.
Would you like to come out to the farm and help me with the bees?
I have a six pack and an empty buddy seat.
I wish I could harvest you at peak season.
You smell like silage and sunshine.
Do you understand the binary language of moisture vaporators? Because I'd like to program your binary loadlifter.
I've never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
I'll tell you how many acres I farm.
I wanna Lando in your Calrissian.
Hey baby, I'd love to pollinate you!
I'm here to collect the bounty on dat ass.
Unlike Han, I won't shoot first.
My roses aren't the only things with long stems.
Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light-saber?
Prosecution of the faulty limpet mine manufacturer began but the charges just wouldn't stick.
Your smile glows brighter than a lightsaber.
If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart.
Hey girl, wanna belay me?
I usually use protection, but I'll make an exception.
Wanna get tied up and high?
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
I just built a climbing gym in my pants and would like to offer your a chance at a first ascent.
I'm really good at hand-jams.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Obi-Wan told me to follow my instincts, and my instincts are all over you.
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
A multicast packet walks into a bar, and then leaves through all the doors and windows at once.
Why did Dracula go to the dentist? - He had a fang-ache.
Tonight this Hsn doesn't want to fly solo.
Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of U wrapped up in it
Are you an officer? Coz I just love to be in your company.
The Bible says to bring all our requests to God. I've prayed, and here you are.
How about I slip into something more comfortable.. like these star trek voyager pajamas baby!
You've unjustly enriched me, let me give you some restitution.
I believe that it's in our best interest to comply with section 69 of the act.
We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your heart.
Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? - to see the boogy man.
