Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
I don't need sonar to find you; your beauty shines brighter than anything underwater.
Found the poetry section. May I take you back in the stacks and read you some verses?
There are so many books here but I want to read you.
I think you might have mistaken me for a library book… you've been checking me out all day.
I may not be a cataloger, but I bet I can find a place to fit you in.
I love to be pawed
I'm a poodle in the streets but a bulldog in the sheets
I must be a Dog Tick, because I'm stuck on you.
Excuse me miss, could you hold my balls while I get my racket out of my bag?
Comedians, the biggest joke going.
I like my women like I like my dreidels... bottom heavy.
A day with you is like an eternity of behind-the-ear scratches.
You look fetching today!
Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure (Pirate Costume)
Girl, a 12 hour time difference really wouldn't make me feel bad about you, believe me.
In the airport, I am willing to let all my personal feelings fly towards you, baby.
I hate red-eye flights, but I would fly all night for you.
If I court you, will it be a love match?
I bet you can't even pass airport procedures because you are simply the bomb, honey.
Prosecution of the faulty limpet mine manufacturer began but the charges just wouldn't stick.
A trumpet isn't the only thing I can make scream high notes.
People don't like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.
Are you a two-octave chromatic scale? Because you leave me breathless.
I would literally give you my hand in marriage. (undead)
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.
Are you a ghost? Because you've been haunting my dreams.
Should you be a sticker, you would be right into my vintage set right now, babe.
Hey girl, you wanna strum my sitar?
Do you really remember Cleopatra? I'll make you forget her! (Vampire)
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
I like your wart, want to see a few of mine?
Your treat or mine?
I think you have been a bad boy, leaving your luggage unattended, I must punish you.
Is that a double ended dildo or are you just glad to see me?
Want to join me on the threshing floor?
If we are in the airport, I would give you a thorough body scan, babe.
You're like the perfect drink—strong, balanced, and impossible to resist.
If you were a TSA agent, I would be happy to get a body scan.
So you're on drumline, wanna give first bass a try?
You must love Halloween! You don't need a costume to look like an angel.
You must be a cast, because you've set my broken heart.
Are you a tenor? Cuz you're the only ten I hear.
You seem to be a good fir up inside my cockpit, you can finally see my cock at last.
Are you a 4th or 5th? Because you're perfect.
All of my most important poems and drawings are in this little book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you.
It would be great to rallentando floor with you.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Thanksgiving Day, across America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment... halftime.
We are going to have very HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
Is that a candle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a piece of minimalist music? Because I keep seeing you again and again.
Ill be your Samantha Steele if you'll be my Christian ponder.
I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I love unwelcome parenting advice from relatives I see twice a year.
Are you a secret menu item? Because I'd order you every time.
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
Can I play with your tremolo arm?
Are you ever gonna give me a cue to breathe, or shall I just follow your direction?
I love long walks on the beach, gives me just enough time to dump your body.
You don't need a mind meld to know what I am thinking.
Are you my lines? because i'll never forget you.
I am having trouble getting my photon torpedo out of it's breech, can you assist?
Someone must have shot you with a phaser set on stunning.
I can't help it — my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!
Is that a phaser in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I heard milk does the body good, but DAMN! Blood does too?
I just built a climbing gym in my pants and would like to offer your a chance at a first ascent.
Unlike everyone else in Les Miserables, my love for you will never die.
Hey baby you shine so bright I want to be your co-orbital companion!
Wanna get tied up and high?
I'd love to say a prayer before a meal with you sometime. How's Saturday at 7?
I usually use protection, but I'll make an exception.
Hey girl, wanna belay me?
You must be my capital gain, because meeting you has been a major profit.
You not only have a pretty face, I bet you're beautiful on the inside too!
Are you a flip turn? Because I'm head over heels for you.
You and me go together like Lightning Rod and downtime.
Yo name must be Maxwell House cause baby yo ass is good til the last drop.
Would you like to be the Zelie to my Louis and reach sainthood together?
Are you that line I screwed up? Because I can't stop thinking about you.
Are you an officer? Coz I just love to be in your company.
Can our first date be in the cemetery? I'm dying to meet you there.
You have the most terrific bone structure. Your skull is going to be the prize of my collection.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I saw you with him, I'm happy for you.
You make my pants go to Red Alert.
Do you believe in helping the homeless? Take me home with you.
Hey baby, are you a fish? Because you like FINtastic.
Hey, it's about time you docked that shuttle!
Klingon: Daqtagh HInob! tIqwIj qa'angnIS! (Hand me a d'k tahg! I must show you my heart!)
I want to ride you like a roller coaster. Just try not to puke.
My roses aren't the only things with long stems.
You seem depressed. Let's bang the depression out of each other!
Are you a psychologist? Cause you cure my depression.
You've unjustly enriched me, let me give you some restitution.
I've heard alot about you, now let's hear your side of the story.
Is there a wormhole that will always take me directly to where you are?
Your pants are the final frontier
I'd love to go to Uranus! Because it has a toxic atmosphere and would instantly kill me.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a knife. Get in the car.
