Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Shall you be my imam because being your makmum is what I desire to be.
Have I seen you on j-date?
Is that a dreidel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Excuse me, this Yom Kippur I have no sins for which to atone. Can you help?
Once you go Jew, nothing else will do
All I want for Channukah, is you.
What's say you and I go into a practice room and work on some harmonies together?
I like my women like I like my dreidels... bottom heavy.
There may be plenty of gefilte fish in the kitchen, but you're the only one my bubbe approves of.
Do you believe in premarital sax?
I can tell a grape's ripe by the way it tastes.
I'm something of a garagistaI've been working on this Syrah, come barrel taste it and tell me what you think?
I studied in France and worked harvest in Italy, I've learned some of the secrets to making great wine and I'd love to share them with you.
Can you help me meet my dissemination targets? I'll let you be in a condition of power.
I'll let you be in a condition of power.
Get on your knees, open your mouth, and hail Xenu!
Perhaps you can help me with my PTP by snapping terminals with me and being my twin on some TNA processing.
Let's go somewhere and postulate you out of that dress.
I think I recognize your name. From my Patriarchal Blessing.
The sheer sight of you is enough to make innocent bystanders lose their appetite and question the cruelty of the universe.
Instead of sealing our lips together, lets get sealed in the temple first!
Your ugliness is so intense, it's like a punch in the face to anyone unfortunate enough to gaze upon you.
Are you a Hail Mary pass? Because you're my last hope.
Are you a cheerleader? Because you've got me on the edge of my seat.
You are like a live wire, hot and irresistible.
Ill be your Samantha Steele if you'll be my Christian ponder.
If I court you, will it be a love match?
I don't need a meter to tell me that you're hot.
Excuse me miss, could you hold my balls while I get my racket out of my bag?
Can we rally forever so we stay in love?
Your court or mine?
My forehand isn't the only stroke I know.
Is that a ball in your pocket or are you just excited to see me?
Are you a light switch? Because you're illuminating my world.
Bet I can bench press you.
Baby, would you like to be the other half of my superset?
Life without you is like a lift without weights.
The map to my heart is located on the veins of my left arm.
There's 900 square feet in a volleyball court, and I still find my way directly to you.
That's a nice pair of yoga pants. Can I talk you out of them?
Your downward facing dog makes my soaring crane rise.
I like hookers.
Namastay here or come home with me?
I've got an active ground game and I never went past the first round.
Is your daddy a boxer? No Why? Because you're one hell of a knock out!
I'm a gymnast, so if you're down for some mattress yoga, count me in!
How about you let me take you for a ride in my bobsled? By bobsled, I mean bed.
You are just the way I like my coffee. Tall, dark and strong.
Do you have a name or can I just call you abomination?
Is your dad a failure? Because you're a living testament to his incompetence.
Do you have a name or can I call you 'ugly'?
Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for someone way better than you.
Girl you're like a pizza. I want like 3 more of you and I don't wanna share.
I'm just like a pizza. I'll fill you up tonight and still be there in the morning when you're ready for more.
Your car's exhaust emits a toxic cloud of pollution, contributing to the slow demise of our planet.
Your car's engine is a pathetic excuse for power, wheezing and struggling like a dying animal.
Are you a fresh organic apple? Because I just picked you...
The interior of your car is a cesspool of filth and neglect, a breeding ground for bacteria and regret.
For the price of that drink you could have had me for the night.
Hey baby, wanna lick my spoon?
Baby, I really knead you right now.
Bacon isn't gonna be the only piece of white meat in your mouth tonight.
Your car's handling is so atrocious, it's like trying to navigate a drunken elephant on roller skates.
Hey baby, let's find something to taco 'bout.
Hey girl, did you come hungry in order to leave happy?
I hope you like BBQs because you'll soon be eating my sausage with special sause.
Your car's paint job is a visual assault, a nauseating combination of mismatched colors and faded dreams.
I ordered a beer so you would card me and see I'm an organ donor. Here take my heart and my number.
No hunny, looking at you is dessert enough for me.
Is there a non-creepy way to hit on your waiter? If so, please text it to me.
Your car's engine sounds like a dying walrus in agony, a symphony of mechanical despair.
I think we should start a family tree.
Your broccoli heads are so big!
I think the soil needs some double digging.
Can I interest you in some of my compost?
Let's sneak off to the reference section and make little citations.
Is that a hardcover, or are you just happy to see me?
If you were a book, I'd need glasses, because you'd definitely be fine print.
Like the dewey decimal system? I'm the do-it decimal system.
You must be the Lord of my flies, because they'll only unzip for you.
Found the poetry section. May I take you back in the stacks and read you some verses?
There are so many books here but I want to read you.
I think you might have mistaken me for a library book… you've been checking me out all day.
I may not be a cataloger, but I bet I can find a place to fit you in.
I love to be pawed
I'm a poodle in the streets but a bulldog in the sheets
Congratulations, you've achieved a level of repulsiveness that defies all comprehension.
Unlike everyone else in Les Miserables, my love for you will never die.
Your ugliness is so profound, it could make a blind person cry tears of despair.
Are you a single rider, because I'm a single rider too?
Hey girl you lookin' like a tall glass of water and I'm tellin ya I'm thirsty!
Is that a cell phone in yo pocket? Cuz dat ass is callin' me!
I got some suga for ya
Yo name must be Maxwell House cause baby yo ass is good til the last drop.
Want to come over for some Malt Liquor and Kool-Aid?
Are you that line I screwed up? Because I can't stop thinking about you.
Are you Hamilton tickets? Because I'd do literally anything to make you mine.
You have a face that could turn milk sour and wilt flowers.
Are you the cast list? Because I can't stop looking at you.
