Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
If there was a contest for the ugliest person in the world, you'd win by a landslide.
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.
Are you a burger cuz you can be the meat between my buns
I don't play soccer but you're my goal.
I heard you went to a haunted house and they offered you a job.
Your hockey team made you goalie so you'd have to wear a mask.
You're so stupid you tried to wake a sleeping bag.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
The UPS office called. They told me I need to check your package.
Your face makes onions cry.
You're so ugly, you had tinted windows on your incubator.
Looks aren't everything; in your case, they aren't anything
Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later, they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
I've fallen for you so hard, I can't think straight.
Your parents hated you so much your bath toys were an iron and a toaster
If it's meant to be it's meant to be, but just to be clear, it isn't.
You must be on the seafood diet. When you see food, you eat it!
Is that a phone in your pocket or is your rooster happy to see me?
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Roses are red violets are blue I didn't know what perfect was until I met you
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
When your hands are cold you sit on them. You know my face is pretty cold.
Somebody call a lifeguard. Because I'm drowning in your eyes...
I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
Do you like basketball? Because when I saw you, my D. Rose.
I'll be your tramp if you'll be my lady
Hey, I'm outta work and I heard you needed some plowing.
Is that your dorsal fin or are you just happy to see me?
You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
Save water and shower with an airman.
Hey girl, I put the sensual in non-consensual.
With a face like yours, I'd wish I was blind.
Do you like it in the can? And I don't mean PBR.
Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".
Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions. Just letting you know!
You look like a before picture.
I thought you were attractive, but then you opened your mouth.
You need to talk to your Bishop about the word of wisdom, because you are smokin'.
Are you Jose Mourinho? Because you're the special one.
People run screaming from you, not because you're a monster, but because your ugliness is truly terrifying.
When I want your remarks, I'll rattle your cage.
What is the #1 Christmas present? A broken drum – you can't beat it
What did the cow say on Christmas morning? Mooooey Christmas
I won't give you a yellow card if you take off your shirt.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
You've got photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
Is your name Lionel? Because you made my pants Messi.
You're so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!
You smell… We should go take a shower together.
Distance runners do it longer.
Oh, you're straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet.
Are you in the Air Force? Cause your hotter than the engine of an F-22A Raptor.
Would you mind reaching into your heart and getting me a piece of ice?
Your existence is proof that natural selection has failed miserably, allowing the weakest and most repugnant specimens to survive.
What was the librarians favorite Christmas song? Silent Night
Wanna come over and see my vinyl collection?
I wanna rope you, but I don't want to give you rope burn.
You're so fat, when you take a shower your feet don't get wet!
You didn't fall out of the stupid tree. You were dragged through dumbass forest.
You like Star Wars? Let's go back to my place and violate the Jedi Code.
I hope you're good at catching cause I'm starting to fall for you.
Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn't know who he was.
You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back!
Girl, are you fries? Because I would like you at my side.
If I was an octopus, all my 3 hearts would beat for you.
Are you seaworthy? Because I'm going to ride you till dawn.
It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the 'impression' that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
You're so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks.
I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about.
You only annoy me when you're breathing.
Why dont you shut up and give that hole in your face a chance to heal.
Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?
You should eat some of your make up so you can be pretty on the inside.
You're so fat, you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.
Wow, you're gorgeous! Your head would look great in my freezer!
You're not allergic to duct tape are you?
Why don't we head over to my pick-up truck and turnip the beet?
The astronomer quit his job to become a barber. Eclipse hair now.
Are you depression? Cause I want you to fuck me all day long.
You can count on star but you can't ever count on how much I miss you.
If I said you had a monoclonal antibody, would you hold it against me?
What happens if I blow on your antenna?
Girl. Let me be your imam.
Is that an oxygen cylinder? We have so much in common.
According to the Similarity Attraction Effect, I must be attractive because you're beautiful.
I'll be your xena if you be my Gabrielle...
Is your name Heskey? Because I would love to take you out for Emile.
Are you a running back? Because I want to run into your arms.
Your car's paint job is a visual abomination, a slap in the face to anyone with even a shred of taste.
Lower your shields and let me into your heart.
I am no Will Wheaton, but I've got a Crusher on you.
