Insults. Something about sticks and stones and words that never hurt? Well, whoever said that obviously missed all of the good insults. We try and keep it clean around here, but you will find just about everything on this list for your name calling needs.
The Best Insults
Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones
Are you my appendix? I have a gut feeling I should take you out.
Hey can I borrow your lipstick and your lips.
Oh my god, do we have the same bra on? Let's look and see!
Shock me, say something intelligent.
Programming is like sex; one mistake and you have to support it for a lifetime..
Excuse me, but do you like whales? Because I was thinking that we could "humpback" at my place.
You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?
If I could, I'd get rid of all of the chairs in the world so that you'd have to sit on my face.
What was the librarians favorite Christmas song? Silent Night
I'd drive a million miles for one of your smiles.
ICU in my dreams.
The only thing straight about me is my teeth.
I fart to make you smell better.
Are you related to David Beckham? Because you got those curves!
Are you from Mars? 'cuz I wanna explore you with curiosity.
I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
If my dog had your face, I would shave his butt and make him walk backwards.
Is your name Oliver? Cause in a minute you're gonna be Oliver this dick.
I don't play soccer but you're my goal.
You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize.
Your car's reliability is non-existent, a ticking time bomb of mechanical failures waiting to ruin your day.
Are you from heaven? Cause I can send you back.
Your hockey team made you goalie so you'd have to wear a mask.
If you were a basketball, would you let me lay you up?
If a Greek deity tried on your jacket it would be Titan uncomfortable.
You're outstanding in your field, and that's where you should be,
Girl, are you Canadian? because I feel sorry for myself.
I lost my number. I'd ask for yours, but I'd probably lose your number too.
Excuse me... Do these shorts make me look fast?
Are you a burger cuz you can be the meat between my buns
Can I call you my Na-boo?
I must be from Alderaan, because you just blew up my world.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? - To stop his coffin.
The mere sight of your car is an insult to the very concept of automotive design, a middle finger to aesthetics.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
There was a girl eyeing me over there, but I'm not interested because cheese not you.
Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.
Are you shelf 301C? Because I've been searching everywhere for you.
Are you a sprint set? Because baby, you take my breath away.
How about I wear these Carhartts and we plant seeds together.
Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it.
Are you in the outfield? Because you're an angel.
Ignore the ray bans. There is nothing shade-y about me.
I heard you went to a haunted house and they offered you a job.
You're so stupid you tried to wake a sleeping bag.
Your face makes onions cry.
The UPS office called. They told me I need to check your package.
My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
You're so ugly, you had tinted windows on your incubator.
Looks aren't everything; in your case, they aren't anything
Database Admins walked into a NoSQL bar. A little later, they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
I've fallen for you so hard, I can't think straight.
Your parents hated you so much your bath toys were an iron and a toaster
You must be on the seafood diet. When you see food, you eat it!
If it's meant to be it's meant to be, but just to be clear, it isn't.
Is that a phone in your pocket or is your rooster happy to see me?
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
Roses are red violets are blue I didn't know what perfect was until I met you
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
I'm on a hunt - for your number.
Somebody call a lifeguard. Because I'm drowning in your eyes...
Hey girl, I put the sensual in non-consensual.
Save water and shower with an airman.
With a face like yours, I'd wish I was blind.
I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.
Is that your dorsal fin or are you just happy to see me?
Hey, I'm outta work and I heard you needed some plowing.
Do you like basketball? Because when I saw you, my D. Rose.
When your hands are cold you sit on them. You know my face is pretty cold.
I'll be your tramp if you'll be my lady
Do you like it in the can? And I don't mean PBR.
Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
You look like a before picture.
Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions. Just letting you know!
I thought you were attractive, but then you opened your mouth.
I won't give you a yellow card if you take off your shirt.
Are you Jose Mourinho? Because you're the special one.
People run screaming from you, not because you're a monster, but because your ugliness is truly terrifying.
You need to talk to your Bishop about the word of wisdom, because you are smokin'.
When I want your remarks, I'll rattle your cage.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
You're so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall!
If you and I were the last men on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
You've got photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.
Is your name Lionel? Because you made my pants Messi.
Distance runners do it longer.
Would you mind reaching into your heart and getting me a piece of ice?
I wanna rope you, but I don't want to give you rope burn.
You smell… We should go take a shower together.
Oh, you're straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet.
Are you in the Air Force? Cause your hotter than the engine of an F-22A Raptor.
Wanna come over and see my vinyl collection?
Your existence is proof that natural selection has failed miserably, allowing the weakest and most repugnant specimens to survive.
