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Hilarious Dad Jokes

Dad jokes so embarrassingly bad they're actually funny. Don't get caught in public with these terrible, punny jokes. We've got some classic, clean dad jokes sure to make you laugh, or roll your eyes.


The Best Dad Jokes

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?A waist of time.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, 'You.'
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
I am terrified of elevators. I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
5/4 of people admit that they're bad with fractions.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don't think it's feline well.
What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
The rotation of earth really makes my day.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?A waist of time.