Puns Bad Enough to Come Back Round to Good - Part 6
Puns are great and quick way to make someone laugh or give you a nasty look! Give it a go and see if your friend has a sense of humor. It's always funnier if they're slow to get the pun.
You can rely on high divers because of their deep end ability.
The museum had a 3-D exhibit depicting a modern funeral parlor. It was a die-orama.
Resale means to go yachting again.
That Star Wars villain loves to talk. Everyone calls him Jabber the Hutt.
Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.
I don't know what possessed me to attend that seance.
When the pharmacist found out her husband was having an affair it was a hard pill to swallow.
The nuclear physicist took a vacation for a fission trip.
'We've got the best marriage' is a hitching boast.
When I was a carpenter, I specialized in installing bathroom fixtures. I am very proud of all my vanities.
The place to trade dresses is called a frock exchange.
Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.
Having been diagnosed with a hernia has bothered me to my core.
On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion.
A chicken farmer's favorite car is a coupe.
I'm inclined to be laid back.
The bridegroom got to the church when he was supposed to. He was at the rite place at the rite time.
The IRS left a message on my cell phone that I owed them more money. It was a taxed message.
A lawyer-turned-cook is a sue chef.
A cloud is most likely to snow when it's relaxed. At that time it's pretty chill.
I pricked my finger badly while trying to find a needle in my wife's sewing box. It was a crewel turn of events.
Two fonts, Arial and Calibri, were in the midst of a bad breakup. Calibri said, 'I'm sorry, you're personality is too bold.' Arial responded, 'You're just not my type...'
With circular arguments the possibilities are endless.
My wife has a cold. This morning she woke up and had her morning coughy.
I'm prone to lying.
I don't get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.
Mathematicians are sum worshippers.
Deciding what Christmas gifts to give makes one present tense.
A sports coat worn on a hike is a trailblazer.
Tennyson wrote a series of poems about a lazy monarch. He called it 'Idles of the King.'
I had to decide between making salad with my mom or playing catch with my dad, it was a toss-up.
Labyrinths are amazing.
I don't trust these stairs because they're always up to something.
Since her kind gift of a lemon cake I rate her as one of Madeira friends.
Historians have extra-century perception.
The man was always leaving himself voicemail messages. He was very self-sendered.
When my husband asked me if I wanted a new alarm clock I said I was set.
Marie was curious about radium.
Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
A second chimney is superfluous.
The philosophy student got an 'F' the day he forgot to turn in his Hume work.
As the farmer passed the gorgeous woman he did everything he could to a tractor attention.
My friend brought me a Swedish cake. I later discovered it was Stollen.
When the train conductor got unfairly railroaded by his boss, his life immediately began going down the wrong track.
A streaker was found dead this morning. Police say the details are quite revealing.
My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.
Eating oysters can help you increase your mussel tone.
A contest between church choirs is the battle of the choral see.
The toilet paper walked into the employment center two-ply for a job.
The police officer blamed his poor choice on arrested development but his superior told him that excuse was just a cop out.
The recycled cartridge business certainly lowered the toner the neighborhood.
Labor contracts come just before childbirth.
I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares.
Some Missouri home designers are Ozark-itects.
A range-finder is a person who goes shopping for a new stove.
When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.
Having my hair cut for free is the only fringe benefit I receive.
When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I had to pay the taco bill.
He said, 'Hones', that is the truth', but I knew elide.
People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.
Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines.
Crosswords are what you hear when you distract someone working on a puzzle.
The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place.
Your golf addiction is driving a wedge between us.
When the prisoner died just before his parole they put him in a halfway hearse.
Interest has such accrual way of accumulating.
After the shepherd retired he felt ewes less.
Weight loss mantra? Fat chants!
The general started bowling before his aide had entered his name on the score sheet. He had launched a pre-emptive strike.
Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage.
I was saddened to learn that my neighbor, who is a respiratory therapist, expired last week.
When Caesar entered the Senate all hail broke loose.
I have a high fidelity phone - it can only call my wife's number.
The race dogs got a bad case of the fleas - they had to be scratched.
I get my large circumference from too much pi.
I simply must find a new podiatrist. My podiatrist has developed such a callus attitude.
If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying.
When asked to picture the perfect modern defensive weapon the Claymore springs to mine.
An egg pulls a cart with a yolk.
The concession stand at the circus had very good coffee. It was the greatest joe on earth.
Squirrels that just don't care anymore have been seen throwing cashews to the wind.
Never invest in funerals, it's a dying industry.
An hobbituary to Tolkien appeared in each of the major newspapers, all had a familiar ring to them.
The woodcutter stretched every morning before starting work. He was a limberjack.
A Valentine's Day card is a hearty note.
The chiropractic author wrote a spinal column.
How does a Welsh man eat cheese? Caerphilly.
Ducks don't have their palms read - they look for it on the web.
Helicopter rescue pilots have the most successful pick-up lines.
Yogi had a whiskey, water, and tea drink every night. He was a toddy bear.
The chimney sweep wore a soot and tye.
The flower that wilted was in desperate need of a stem cell transplant.
A man brought his retriever to the vet for some tests and had to pay a lab fee.
The state police highway officer worked tirelessly in the heavy rain to assist a lady whose car was stuck in a ditch. He was a real trooper.
Swine were the most influential animal of the last decade.
He learned a new Tantric at the sun clinic.
Ash Wednesday follows Volcanic Tuesday.
Santa came down with the flue.
That really nice fellow works in a clothing factory sewing zippers on jeans. That is good. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
The other animals shunned the kangaroo. They treated him like a leaper.
