Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I'm no curler, but I think I could sweep you off your feet!
Even if you don't get a medal, I can make your trip to _______ worthwhile
Half pipe? Let me show you a full pipe!
I hope I don't get a point deduction, because I just fell for you.
Let me show you my gold medal.
I'm not an Olympic swimmer but I'll dive in your deep end tonight.
You like curling? Check out me curling my biceps!
You could qualify for my Olympics any day.
You must do hurdles, because it only took you seconds to jump into my heart
Do you have swimmers as good as China? We'll have to do something about that!
If you got out with me, I can get you Michael Phelps' phone number.
I won this gold medal, but I'd really like to win your heart.
Can I buy you a Starbucks Trenta or were you looking for something bigger?
Can you watch my laptop for a minute? I'll buy the next round of caffeine.
This must be decaf, cause you're just dreamy!
We should get some coffee because I'm liking you a latte.
I like my baristas like I like my coffee, hot, sweet, and creamy.
Are you hot and ready?
Yeah, I want a medium order of fries and for you to be my date.
I know all the E-numbers.
I would like to give a kiss tofu.
I'll eat Hip Whip on anything.
If I said you had the body of an all-natural, organic-living, animal-loving, environment-nurturing, whale-saving sex machine, would you hold it against me? Please?
Protein, did you say protein? I have endless amounts of protein if needed.
The World's Sexiest Vegetarian is looking for models, can I submit your picture?
Wanna come up and see my Vitamix?
Wanna go to the grocery store and read labels?
What's your favorite thing to do with agave nectar?
Ya wanna mix vitamins?
Your organic shirt looks great on you, can I touch it?
Boy if you were a vegetable, you'd be a cutecumber.
Forget the vegan jerky; I'll do some primal stripping for you any day.
Hey baby, wanna come over and scramble my tofu?
Hey, babe, how about some of this late summer veggie gazpacho?
How vegan are you again? oh I can be advised about nutrition for hours.
I've been looking for a seitan worshipper like you my whole life.
I've heard that I taste like nooch--wanna confirm?
Meat is murder, but meat's gonna make you scream.
Sure I could buy you a drink, but I'd be jealous of the glass.
Hey! You owe me a drink. I dropped mine when you walked by.
I see you've got some tequila's. Does that mean you wanna give me a shot?
I think all the bottles in this bar must be jealous, cause your beauty is the most intoxicating thing in this place.
What do you say I buy the booze and you show me how to shake it.
What do you say we get out of here? I bet you're way better to wake up next to than a hangover.
I'm letting girls take body shots off my amazing torso for 5 euro's. How many can I count you in for?
In medieval times my beer belly would be a sign of prosperity and attractiveness, what do you think?
Look I'm just trying to drink here, but you're very distracting.
Most men/women are intimidated by me. It's okay, you don't have to be scared to buy me a drink.
I couldn't help noticing you're drinking the same as me. Are you trying to copy me?
When you're done with that beer shall we play spinn the bottle?
Are you going to finish that? (pointing at her/his drink)
Excuse me. I am not sure if you're aware but i'm extremely attractive.
Excuse me. My friend here and I are debating about which of these (drinks) is better. What do you think?
Have you tried the (drink) here? It's terrific!
Hi there, are you drinking a beer? Would like to join me in a game of pool?
Hi there, are you drinking a mixed drink? Mind if I join you.
Hi there, is that a tequila shot? Let's take the party back to my room.
I'm fine with being just friends, as long as I can seduce you when we're drunk.
I'm not Irish, but I play drunk very well!
Let's get drunk and tell each other everything we're too afraid to say sober.
Mind if I get drunk with you?
You're not drunk until you make out with me.
I like my tea like I like my men, sweet as hell.
I like my tea like I like my men, hot and comforting.
Is your name Earl Grey? Because you look like a hottie!
Do you have a tea bag in your pocket because I can see me in your pants.
Wow, two teaspoons? Lucky for you, I'm a pretty good spooner myself.
You're such a TEAse.
You are the hollandaise to my poached egg.
I don't want to sound corny, but I think you're a-maize-ing.
I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?
How about we skip the hors d'oeuvres and head straight for the digestif?
I'll put the special in your sauce.
If you were my sauce pan, I'd never deglaze you.
Is it hot in here? Is it the salamander, the grill, and the 18 burners? or is it you?
Wanna see my meat walk-in?
Are you Gordon Ramsay? because I can make you scream.
Wanna gonna come by the restaurant and check out my biscuits?
You're so sweet, i just want you for dessert.
Looks like you need a little extra seasoning in your life. I got the right kinds of salt.
You're so hot I just burnt the roof of my mouth!
You're so hot I'd eat a durian to be with you!
Hershey makes millions of kisses a day, I'm asking for only one.
Even if it tastes bad, don't insult the chef. Just swallow.
How about I put my meat in your grill?
Even my new stainless steel cookware set isn't as slick as you!
You're my missing ingredient.
Is your name fajita? 'Cuz you're sizzling!
I'm a slowly braised hunk of meat; a tender, succulent animal!
Hey baby, need me to spice up your life?
Is your name Julianne? Because you're fineee!
Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock.
Care to come back to my place and kick it up a notch?
Hey, weren't you in my 'Introduction to Melons' class?
I'd love to show you my root garden.
Do you like potatoes? I've got the gravy...let's go give thanks!
You are the fond on the roasting pan of life.
Your name must be Jelly... 'cuz jam don't shake like that.
Will you let me be the avocado in your turkey sandwich?
Are you into salads? Because I think I'm falling in lovage.
