Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
You must be speaker wire, because you amplify my feelings.
Are you a wire tester? Because you've found the live connection to my heart.
You're like a perfectly installed cable—smooth, flawless, and essential.
You must be a pair of pliers, because you've got a strong grip on my feelings.
Are you a conduit bender? Because you've shaped my life perfectly.
You're like my favorite tool—something I can't work without.
Are you a voltage tester? Because you've got my energy buzzing.
You must be a screwdriver, because you've tightened all the loose ends in my life.
Why do men take so long in the bathroom? They're reading every word on the back of the shampoo bottle.
I was going to tell you a time-travel joke, but you didn't like it.
I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.
I bought a dictionary and all the pages were blank. I have no words.
Why did the stupid joke get a job? It was tired of being told.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.
I told a joke about a roof once. It went right over everyone's head.
Why did the toaster break up with the bread? It was always getting burned.
Why can't your nose be twelve inches long? Then it would be a foot.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
My dog used to chase people on a bike. It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
Shhh, don't worry, you'll repress that this ever happened.
Two antennas got married. The ceremony was dull, but the reception was excellent.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
Why did the man stare at the orange juice carton for an hour? It said "concentrate."
Why did the stupid joke cross the road? It didn't. It forgot where it was going halfway across.
My fridge was running, so I chased it for two miles. It still wouldn't come back.
I spent all day trying to remember the word for a fear of forgetting things. It's on the tip of my tongue.
My calendar and I have something in common. Our days are numbered.
Girl, I know you're studying psychology, but I would love to study you.
Why did the clock get sent to the principal's office? It kept tocking in class.
A man's sense of direction is excellent. It's his sense of when to admit he's wrong that needs work.
Why do men love the remote control? It's the only thing in the house that does exactly what they tell it to.
How can you tell a man is about to tell a long story? He starts with "So, technically..."
Why did the man bring a ladder to the barbecue? He heard the steaks were high.
Are you my corpus callosum? Because I feel a connection between the two of us.
Every man secretly believes he could land a plane if both pilots passed out.
Why don't men read furniture instructions? Because the instructions are a challenge, not a guide.
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
A man will lose his keys four times a day but can still tell you the score of a football game from 1994.
My dad has two moods: "Who left the lights on?" and "Who touched the thermostat?"
What are the four most dangerous words a man can say? "I can fix that."
Even when I can't see you face-to-face, you are always in my visuospatial sketchpad.
A man's "quick look in the fridge" means standing with the door open until a sandwich appears.
Wanna come back to my place and do something you'll repress later?
Men don't get lost. They take scenic routes that happen to last three hours.
Why do men sit on the edge of the bed for ten minutes every morning? They're loading.
Girl you make me want more cardiac muscarinic receptors.
Our love is like the duration of long-term memory: it is infinity.
A man will spend three weeks researching the best vacuum cleaner and then never use it.
Is that sign tracking, or are you just happy to see me?
What's a man's favorite tool? The one he bought last weekend and still hasn't taken out of the box.
My husband says he can multitask. He can watch TV and ignore me at the same time.
Are you happy to see me, or is that just a defense mechanism?
I've got a great psychoanalysis couch back home, care to try it out?
You're like a perfect voltage drop—always smooth and balanced.
Are you a circuit breaker? Because you've stopped me in my tracks.
You're like my toolbox—full of everything I need.
Are you a power drill? Because you've driven straight into my heart.
You must be a ladder, because you've lifted me to new heights.
Are you a clamp meter? Because you've measured the current of my love.
You're like wire cutters—making everything neat and simple in my life.
Are you a flashlight? Because you've illuminated my darkest moments.
You must be a voltage detector, because you've sensed my feelings for you.
Are you a toolbelt? Because you've got everything I could ever need.
You're like a perfect set of tools—useful, reliable, and always impressive.
You've got spunk. I like that in a man.
Are you a socket wrench? Because you've tightened my love for you.
You must be a reciprocating saw, because you've cut through my defenses.
Are you a conduit cutter? Because you've removed all my obstacles.
You must specialize in high-voltage work, because you've energized my life.
Why don't you let me put my myelin on your axon for the night?
You're like a perfectly wired job—everything runs smoothly with you.
You must be a master electrician, because you've powered up my emotions.
Hey girl can I get your number in my Long Term memory?
Are you a grounding rod? Because you've stabilized my life.
You must be an electrical panel, because you're controlling all my circuits.
Can we recreate the Stanford Prison Experiment? You can be bad cop all you want.
Are you a battery? Because you're the energy that keeps me going.
Mind if I put my cigar in your ashtray? This isn't just any cigar...
You kick my sympathetic nervous system into overdrive!
I don't know much about Freud, but you remind me of my mother.
A man's idea of tidying up is moving the mess into a different room.
Why do men love a barbecue? It's the only kind of cooking that involves standing around and pointing at things.
Every man has opened a jar that someone else already loosened, and accepted the applause anyway.
Boy, you activate my ventral striatum.
Man flu is the only illness where the patient can't lift a cup of tea but can still work the TV remote.
Men never need a shopping list. They go in for milk and come out with a power drill and no milk.
I'll be the neurotransmitter to your synaptic gap.
A man will drive forty minutes out of his way to avoid asking for directions, then tell everyone he found a shortcut.
You're like electricity—powerful, essential, and impossible to live without.
Excuse me, can I sleep with you because I need to make copies?
If you were a drug you'd be a stimulant because you make my heart beat faster.
Baby you're like an independent variable the way you enlarge my bar graph.
Are you an electric heater? Because you've warmed my heart completely.
Baby, all I see in my Rorschach test is me and you.
You must be a three-way switch, because you've lit up every room in my life.
Are you a grounding clamp? Because you've secured my love.
I'm conducting an experiment, wanna come spend the night over so i can interpret your dreams?
