Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
You're so stunning even the Language Police are speechless.
My game is just like Alexander Keith's: "Those who like it, like it a lot."
Hey baby, my truck has remote start!
I don't play football, but I'm definitely a rough rider.
Why don't we go back to the rink and you can show me how you handle your stick.
I can last the entire Cabot Trail.
I want to Winnipeg your Regina.
I won't quit until Huron top of me.
Please harvest my Cavendish potatoes.
I put the MAN in Manitoba.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Did you use Canada's public healthcare system to help ease that pain?
Do like Theodore Tugboat and tug.
You look sexy even in layers.
Are you a shale basin? ‘Cause I'd frack you.
Bulls aren't the only thing I know how to ride.
Is that your Moose?
I really caribou-t you.
Are you a Bluenoser? 'Cause you're a dime.
My body is "Yours to discover".
It's so cold I can't feel my thighs! Can you feel my thighs?
Vancouver isn't the only thing getting wet tonight.
You must be Drumheller, ‘cause I totally dig you.
You're prettier than a summer day in Lunenburg.
Are you a blood draw? Because I'm feeling lightheaded from your charm.
Hey Girl, are you a Beaver? Because you sure look like you could use some wood!
Are you a Mountie because I want to mount you.
I'm a high tide and I'm looking to smash.
I'm gonna make you say "Yes b'y" all night.
Is it hot in here or am I just wearing two pairs of long johns?
You're like a warm blanket from the supply room—cozy and comforting.
I want you for myself like Newfoundland has its own time zone.
Let's procreate like the snakes in the Narcisse Dens.
I'm not wearing any long johns.
Let me take you on a ride in my John Deere.
You must be a crash cart, because you've revived my heart.
I'll show you my CN Tower if you show me your Skydome.
Are you timber? Because I'd split you.
Let's get trippy together barefoot.
I must be in a clinical trial, because being around you is an experimental rush.
I love you more than a flour tortilla with beans!
Are you my attending? Because I want to follow you wherever you go.
You must be an attending physician, because you've got my full attention.
Are you a referral? Because you're exactly who I've been looking for.
Do you like tacos? Well cool you like 75% of me.
You must have the best bedside manner, because I can't stop thinking about you.
Are you scrubbing in? Because you're about to clean up this mess I call a life.
You must be a diagnosis, because you've got me feeling something I've never felt before.
Your peroxide blonde hair looks good, but I would like to see if you are a true blonde.
Hey baby, why do you think they call it a pick-up truck?
You can't handle the tooth!
Girl you must be my cousin because I wanna do you.
My home is where I park it
God wants us to be together. That's why he gave us the same parents.
Wanna find out if my shotgun shell will fit in your double barrel?
Well, aren't you hotter than a mama cougar in heat running from my hunting dogs in August?
Hey baby, wanna go back to my place? Mamma said you had to be home by 10 anyway.
You look good in that lumberjack shirt but I would like to see you out of it.
Are you a waiting room? Because I'd spend hours just being near you.
Hey babe, do you know that my mouth can generate over 3000 rpm?
You are prettier than a beer truck pulling up in the driveway.
Roses are red. Spend the night with me and I'll teach you all kinds of cool scientific stuff like that!
Tell me honey ham, did it hurt when the devil spit you up and you landed here?
You're a better kisser than your Momma and both yer sisters.
Hey baby, nice tooth.
You must be a general practitioner, because you're good at everything.
I must be hypothermic, because your smile warms me up instantly.
Are you a cardiologist? Because my heart beats faster when I see you.
You must be a neurologist, because you've just rewired my brain for love.
I ain't no donkey herder, but I could wrangle that ass.
Are you a doctor of love? Because you've just diagnosed me with a serious crush.
Wanna come back to my place, babe? I'm a thoroughbred.
You're like a good prognosis—rare and wonderful.
What size boot you wear girl?
Are you a defibrillator? Because you just shocked my heart back to life.
You must specialize in infectious diseases, because your smile is contagious.
Hey girl, do you raise cattle? Cause those are some nice calves.
Are you a scalpel? Because you've got me feeling cut open and exposed.
Are you an X-ray? Because I can see right through to your heart.
If you was my heifer, I'd done drive you to the meat processing plant.
Girl, I know how to shove my hips, I do it for a living!
Are you a prescription? Because you're exactly what I needed today.
I'm gonna disrupt the shit out of your technology.
You must be a sturdy fence post, because you're holding everything together for me.
Turn on, tune in, drop your pants.
I'd share my bar of soap with you.
If I told you you had a beautiful Prius, would you hold it against me?
I loved you before it was cool.
Seriously baby, I'll take you out as soon as this check clears from my parents.
Hey girl, let's forget the world and start a post-rock band.
Are you the rain? Because you've brought new life to my heart.
Hey, my name's Ethel, it's a really vintage name, i doubt you've ever heard it before.
Guy: Hey, do you have any pretentious avant-garde photographer in you? Girl: Um, no. Guy: Want some?
My beard is the same length as Abraham Lincoln's was on his 7th birthday.
We go together like coffee and cigarettes.
Was that you at a Vivian Girls concert?
I'd like to have you on vinyl.
Wanna go on a post-date?
Hey baby, let's get coffee and vegan donuts.
You're the best crop I could ever hope to harvest.
Do you want to roll around in my collection of antique buttons and talk about our childhood dreams?
