Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
Wanna meet my Cobrasnake?
I feel like we met at Whole Foods, because you make me feel complete.
Are you my corpus callosum? Because I feel a connection between the two of us.
You are my belongingness to my Maslow's Humanistic Theory based on the Hierarchy of needs.
Did you know that PBR actually stands for ‘Pretty Big Rod'?
Yeah, I was kind of a big deal at last year's Expozine.
Even when I can't see you face-to-face, you are always in my visuospatial sketchpad.
Wanna come back to my place and do something you'll repress later?
That ironic t-shirt you're wearing would look better on my floor.
Girl, I got an extra pair of TOMS that might fit you. Want to come over & try them on?
Is that a pair of vintage Ray Bans in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Baby I see our relationship being like a good denim jacket: timeless.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together at an Pixies show.
I'm in my backyard...in my Eno... It's a double-nester.
I like my coffee like I like my women: ethical, fair trade, and organic.
Girl you make me want more cardiac muscarinic receptors.
Our love is like the duration of long-term memory: it is infinity.
Is that sign tracking, or are you just happy to see me?
There's an Arcade Fire ... In my pants.
When's the last time you had a good macaroon?
Lemme add my app to your dashboard. If you know what I mean.
Want to go dumpster diving in my alley?
Do you want to go to bed bath and beyond and smell unscented candles and tell each other what we think we smell?
Wanna play hide the Koala?
Where'd you get that pretty MedicAlert bracelet?
I got a pension and I'm not afraid to use it.
I've got a Victrola back in my room. Wanna hear my Sinatra record?
Ohh baby...you're making my arteries hard.
I wouldn't mind seeing you for the rest of my life.
I want to sweep you off your walker and into your wheelchair.
Your company is so delightful, I'm contemplating putting a new battery in my hearing aid.
Don't worry I won't bite... No teeth!
Is your name Viagra, cause I don't think they will be able to close my casket after a night with you.
Are you a cat lady? Cause I'm the cat whisperer cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
Break my hip, not my heart.
May I take you to dinner? Next Monday would be best because that's when my social security check arrives.
Your senior assisted living facility or mine?
Can I carry your oxygen tank for you?
I've fallen for you and I can't get up! No worries though, life alert is on its way!
Do you believe in love at first sight, 'cause, if so, I'll grab my bifocals.
Everyday will be like our first day together cause I won't remember any of this tomorrow.
I would sink my teeth into that booty, but they might just stay there.
What's a nice girl like you doing in... wait, where am I?
As soon as I get my hip replacement, I'm going to hump you.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a nursing home like this?
You're never too old to turn new tricks...
I can't remember what sex is. Care to help me remember?
Have we met before? No, seriously, have we met before?
Do you really need that scooter? Because youve been running in my mind all day long.
Do you want the lights off or the teeth out?
I've got a handrail in my shower, babe!
Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?
Your smile looks nice, but it would look better in a glass on my nightstand.
Waiter, you have an aged, dry white? Something to complement the little lady here.
Did you fall from heaven and you can't get up?
Is that a catheter in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I must not have alzheimer's today because I remember how cute you are!
So, what was your name again?
Your name must be Alzheimer, because the Kaiser stole my pudding...
Sorry, but I couldn't help but noticing how cute you look in that ankle-length, shapeless, plaid jumper.
The doctor says I need more vitamin U.
Hey, can I get a ride to the pharmacy?
I'm dieing to see you. Literally. I don't have much time left.
Where have you been pretty much all of my life?
Is that a shattered hip, or are you just happy to see me?
Are those your tits in your socks or are you just happy to see me?
Hey, you're beautiful. Sit on my face?
Would you like to come home with me and pet my kangaroo?
I'm going to straddle your border like Lloydminster.
Are you a beaver? Because dam!
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's Cuddle.
You've never been to Port Hardy? I'll take you. It's in my pants.
The darker the berry the sweeter the juice, unless you're making syrup, of course.
You're a beluga in this sea of cod.
Want to see my lumber, Jack?
You're sweeter than my maple syrup.
Hey babe. Wanna go for a timmies run?
You know what they say about guys with big snowshoes.
Is that a maple syrup bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Will you help me erect my totem pole?
I'm really into architecture; want to see my CN tower?
You look like a vision in your dress tartan.
My igloo is cold, can I sleep with you tonight?
Take an Avonleap of faith and go on a date with me!
Have you ever been fishing? 'Cause we should hook up sometime.
Are you a sugar maple tree? Because I would totally tap that.
My heart is as desolate as Saskatchewan without you.
You and I could totally melt my igloo.
Winter is coming as frequently as you would if you slept with me.
Are you from Canada? Because if you're wondering if you can go out on a date with me, well, you CAN–UH-DUH!
I got a pois'nous snake in me pants, wanna see it?
Can I see the little joey in your pouch?
Do u have Australian in you? Would u like some?
I got a sauso Sanga in me pants and I'm happy to see ya!
Let's boomerbang!
I'm interested in working in your penal colony.
Are you from Australia? Cuz I'd like to visit you down under.
I'd like to take a safari in your outback.
I wanna get lost in your Outback.
Ooh baby, I'm like a boomerang. You can run, but I'm coming right back to you no matter what.
