Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
What did the bird say on Halloween? - Trick or tweet!
You're like my toolbox—always full of everything I need.
The mass murderer was always grumpy. He was a surly ol' killer.
What's a Vampire's least favourate song? - Another one bites the dust!
What is a Skeleton's favorite song. - Bad to the Bone
Hey Baby, my curiosity makes me want to rover all over your body.
I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I've ever seen.
The most popular operation for orthopaedic surgeons is upper-leg surgery: very hip.
What do gosts call there girl friends? - There goul friends.
What did the goblin say to the witch? - I don't know you tell me!
The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana to sweeten the pot.
What did Dracula have for dessert? - Whine & Ice scream
What is Dracula's favorite restaraunt? - Murder King
Claribell was so allergic to natural fibres that he had to make his clown suit entirely out of polyjester.
What is in a ghost's nose? - Boogers
What was the mummies' vacation like? - Nobody knows. They were too wrapped up to tell us.
What did tha boy ghost say to the girl ghost? - You are the most booooo-tiful thing I have ever seen!
Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it? - Because people are dying to get in.
Where do vampires keep their money? - The blood bank!
What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes? - They suck!
The skeleton was trying tibia little humerus.
I'm looking for a long-term relationship and I just can't see that with you.
Hey, ever ridden a dolphin?
Hey girl, where you fin all my life?
I once got into so much debt that I couldn't even afford my electricity bills, they were the darkest times of my life.
A crow is a four-letter bird.
Are you an auger? Because you've drilled your way into my thoughts.
Did you hear about the herb who was an all round great guy, did loads of charity work and was always there to help? He was a Tarragon Of Virtue.
Hey babe, let's do it dolphin style.
A lawyer who likes to go fishing is an attorney-at-lure.
Hey baby you shine so bright I want to be your co-orbital companion!
I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar.
Are you a cleanout plug? Because you've given me a fresh start.
If a Monk throws a hissy fit, is it a temple tantrum?
You're like a flexible hose—you fit perfectly into my life.
I asked Kermit the Frog what I should use to join the pieces of metal, but all he said was, 'Rivet, rivet.'
Call me a pirate and give me that booty.
Are you a ghost? Because you've been haunting my dreams.
If I had a dime for every book I've ever read, I'd say: Wow, that's coincidental.
I would literally give you my hand in marriage. (undead)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.
I've got some wicked feelings brewing for you.
Arrrr. Wanna search me for buried treasure (Pirate Costume)
I hear this place is haunted, we better stick together.
Is there a wormhole that will always take me directly to where you are?
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
Do you really remember Cleopatra? I'll make you forget her! (Vampire)
Are you on call? Because you've been on my mind all day.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
How many horses can you fit in your barn?
You smell like silage and sunshine.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts
I've never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
When should you feed reindeer milk to a baby? When it's a baby reindeer
I would love to see the way you farm.
The back seat of my new Dodge lays right down.
You must be my capital gain, because meeting you has been a major profit.
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks, I'll never part with it
Are you a scrub cap? Because you're on my mind all the time.
Can I be your beach towel? Because I want to be wrapped around you all day.Is your name Ariel? Because we were meant to be part of each other's world.
What did the reindeer sing to Santa on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow
Can I be your midnight kiss? Because I don't want to start the year without you.
Prosecution of the faulty limpet mine manufacturer began but the charges just wouldn't stick.
You must be in trauma care, because I'm falling hard for you.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Are you being a ghost for Halloween, or are you just my boo?
Are you a sewer system? Because you've taken all my worries away.
Are you the nurse's station? Because I want to spend all my breaks with you.
What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? A list of everything you want!
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Let's go to the top of a mountain where I've set up a lovely dinner. It will be Kilimanjaromantic.
I don't want your candy, but I'll take your number.
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
What kids movie do you watch on Thanksgiving? The Mighty Turduckens!
Comedians, the biggest joke going.
If I were Peter Pan, dancing with you would be my happy thought.
Hello, I am a thief and I am here to steal this dance.
A summer is a mathematician.
Are you a secret menu item? Because I'd order you every time.
What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash
A definition of Christmas: The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.
Is your name Flecainide? Because I think you just made my heart skip a beat. uvu
What comes at the end of Christmas Day? The letter "Y"!
What do angry mice send to each other in December? Cross mouse cards!
You must be a catheter, because you're draining all my worries away.
Was your father an astronomer? Because he stole the stars from the galexy and put them in your eyes.
What is the best key to get at Christmas? A turkey!
Your treat or mine?
You're the only treat I want in my sack this Halloween.
How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.
The only reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Where does batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
Would you like to come out to the farm and help me with the bees?
