Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I know you think im sexy, I know you think im fine, but just like all the other guys get a number and wait in line
I'll only use rigid pipe in your rim holes.
I love the way you espresso yourself.
I'm something of a garagistaI've been working on this Syrah, come barrel taste it and tell me what you think?
My hands are frozen. Can I put them in your pants?
You are like a 250 W halogen, you brighten my world.
This coffee is steaming up my glasses or is that just you?
Hold the sugar please, you're sweet enough for the both of us.
I'm not paralyzed, but I seem to be struck by you.
Excuse me, there's something wrong with the number on this check. It isn't yours.
I ordered a beer so you would card me and see I'm an organ donor. Here take my heart and my number.
No hunny, looking at you is dessert enough for me.
Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T?
Are you into kinky stuff? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? I'll let you beat me.
You ever been with a man that has Parkinson's? You won't need to do a thing. Just hold on tight and I'll do the rest.
Can I skin you alive. I want to see your inner beauty.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I saw you with him, I'm happy for you.
Fewer teeth just means more room for tongue.
You had me at Che.
Tell me, is your heart as cold and black as your eyes?
Yo name must be Maxwell House cause baby yo ass is good til the last drop.
Namastay here or come home with me?
Let's put the 'fun' in funeral!
I bet you can't even pass airport procedures because you are simply the bomb, honey.
Don't you think the human voice, wailing in agony, is the most beautiful of all instruments?
Should you be a sticker, you would be right into my vintage set right now, babe.
Astral project with me, so I question how real this reality actually is.
I think you have been a bad boy, leaving your luggage unattended, I must punish you.
I bet you'll need an Ice bath after running through my mind all day.
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
Can our first date be in the cemetery? I'm dying to meet you there.
Your voice is so beautiful, you make fartleks sound appealing.
Hold up, let me tie my shoe. I don't want to fall for anyone else but you.
I have a fetish for feet, can I lick your toes? Please?!
Pardon me, but my corset has come unlaced. Could you tighten it for me?
Your downward facing dog makes my soaring crane rise.
That's a nice pair of yoga pants. Can I talk you out of them?
On a scale of 1-10 you're a 26.2
You make my heart beat faster than the starting gun.
I want to have a Casual Encounter with you. Don't make me have to write a Missed Connection.
I think you dropped your teeth.
Roses are red, violets are blue, the only way I would wake up early, is if I get to run with you.
Are you a tip? Cause you've got me on my toes!
Want to come over for some Malt Liquor and Kool-Aid?
Can you run with me so I can tell my friends I've ran with an angel?
Are you a hitter? Because you're killing it.
I heard milk does the body good, but DAMN! Blood does too?
Is that a candle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a perfect set? Because I'd smash that.
I want to pound you like I pound the asphalt. For hours until it hurts.
All of my most important poems and drawings are in this little book. And I'd like you to have it because they're mostly about you.
Do you believe in helping the homeless? Take me home with you.
If we are in the airport, I would give you a thorough body scan, babe.
You make my heart race, and there is no finish line.
If you were a TSA agent, I would be happy to get a body scan.
Are those Nudie Limited Edition Masa Japan jeans from outer space? Because your ass is out of this world.
Hi, I have my own cult!
My personal trainer told me I had to come talk to you for five minutes as part of my routine.
The map to my heart is located on the veins of my left arm.
I knew angels could fly, but I didn't know they could run.
You seem to be a good fir up inside my cockpit, you can finally see my cock at last.
Do you lift? Because I was hoping you'd pick me up.
Do you like heavy metal? Because I can teach you how to scream.
Wanna listen to me drone on about art, bicycles, and sustainable-source fair-trade coffee?
Are you a flip turn? Because I'm head over heels for you.
Are you method acting because you're really in my head.
Hey babe, How 'bout we snort some Maalox together?
Are you a lap counter? Because without you, I'm lost.
This game is about ball control baby.
Girl I'll beat you 6-0 every time, 'cause I'll never stop loving you.
Care to knock a few balls with me?
Girl get rid of those Dunlop balls, you deserve better.
Aren't you the model from my figure drawing class?
Let's listen to The 1975 and make out under the stars.
Cool necklace. is that locally handcrafted?
Your sexy figure sure would make an awesome sculpture.
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
Will you be my doubles partner for life?
I think my medication is wearing off.
Girl, don't you know you look so fine? Whoever you're seeing, his racquet ain't as big as mine.
If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you. And by home I mean knife.
The shade of black you are wearing really brings out your beauty.
I want to hold your hand as bad as I want to hold serve.
You not only have a pretty face, I bet you're beautiful on the inside too!
Is there a gaping wound in your side or are you just happy to see me?
Are you a medium? Because I'd like to paint you on carpet.
Ill be your Samantha Steele if you'll be my Christian ponder.
There's a tornado, come in to my basement.
Wanna be my receiver tonight?
Wanna come back to my place and see what the inside of my trunk looks like?
The greatest thing about my job is, the women never taste the arsenic.
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
Are you the Tampa Bay Buccaneers? Because you'll be firing my cannon later.
I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
Do you prefer two hand touch or full contact?
You're so fine, you put the font size in playbills to shame.
Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
I find your lack of nudity disturbing
Are you from the area? 'Cause I only date locally-sourced.
