Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I want to pick you up from free agency.
Scoring with you would be like making a 84 yard touchdown off a pass interception.
You have the cutest smile when you sleep.
Are you a Titans fan? Because you are the only Ten I see.
Hold on, I have something in my shoe I'm pretty sure it's a foot
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
My pull buoy's not the only thing that goes between these thighs.
You must love Halloween! You don't need a costume to look like an angel.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U...
I like your wart, want to see a few of mine?
A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies sorry mate we only do plain
Are you a backstroke start? Because baby you got me bending over backwards for you.
I'd tell you how beautiful you are, but you probably wouldn't get the reference.
What's ET short for? Because he's only got little legs.
I'm dead inside, but you make something in my pants alive.
Unlike everyone else in Les Miserables, my love for you will never die.
Are you that line I screwed up? Because I can't stop thinking about you.
Dad I'm hungry ... Hi hungry I'm dad
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
I never knew hellish demons flew so close to the ground.
Do you like water? Then you would like 70% of me.
There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.
I only thought about you once today. I just never stopped.
Let's strengthen our hips together!
Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
May I dig my nails into your back?
I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
You've got more curves than a cross country track.
The only thing brighter than your spikes is your smile.
What's your favorite Baudelaire poem?
Are you a word thief? Becasue I've run out of things to say...
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
May I lick your boots?
Are you dopamine? Because I just can't seem to get enough of you.
The race car driver had a checkered past.
Are you a medical license? Because you're proof that perfection exists.
No matter how many 3-pointers I've made, it means nothing if I can't hoop your heart.
Are you a hospital bed? Because I'd rest easy with you by my side.
Is your name Heskey? Because I would love to take you out for Emile.
You and me go together like Lightning Rod and downtime.
My lipstick would look great on the inside of your thighs.
Kiss me if I'm wrong, but Paint is the same as Photoshop, right?
Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath
When the shoe store owner discovered that someone had broken into his store, the police pumped him for information.
The astronomer quit his job to become a barber. Eclipse hair now.
A clumsy physician who pretends to care is a hypocritical oaf.
I think you're the missing piece to complete my circuit.
All I want for Channukah, is you.
All births are an Emergency.
Are you an apprentice? Because you've already mastered the art of stealing my heart.
Do you want to shake my luluv?
Driving your car is like riding in a tin can of disappointment and regret.
Your car is so old and rusty, it's a living testament to the concept of decay and neglect.
The only thing your car is good for is as a source of laughter for everyone who sees it.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Your car is a pathetic excuse for transportation, a rolling embarrassment on wheels.
I've seen better-looking piles of dog shit on the sidewalk than you.
What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? They get their masters.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour.
I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It's shift work
What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common? -- Icy dead people
How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
You have a face that could turn milk sour and wilt flowers.
Are you a running back? Because I want to run into your arms.
Your ugliness is so profound, it could make a blind person cry tears of despair.
Bird-dogs are great for music, because they're both woofers and tweeters.
Your mirror must have the patience of a saint to endure the sight of your hideous reflection every day.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.
If ugliness were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence without parole.
Will you let your feet become the Jannah for my children?
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?
Hey babe, you've been doing Tawaf in my mind all day.
I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
Zookeepers spot clean their leopards.
Girl. Let me be your imam.
Do you go to church? Because you're the answer to my prayers!
I can find every pulse in your body!
My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.
Why don't you listen to your heart and go out with me? (holding stethoscope)
I might study something at a university that someone once told me about - there is a degree of ambiguity there.
Is that an oxygen cylinder? We have so much in common.
According to the Similarity Attraction Effect, I must be attractive because you're beautiful.
(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?
Is your name Sunshine? Because you are “In my soul todayâ€.
Girl you put me in an altered state of consciousness.
Girl I've got some allostatic load for you right here.
When you fell from heaven, did it leave you with any lasting emotional scars?
A monster who likes to ring doorbells is a knock less monster.
You're like baseball: A thinkin' man's game.
You know, I've never needed a third base coach to wave me home.
I was going to buy some loose tea, but the price was too steep.
Wanna come over and calculate some fip?
If I was a car, you'd have to write me a speeding ticket, because I never take it slow.
I got a private conference in my hotel room at the winter meetings, come on up if you wanna look at my trade package.
