Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Moaning about other people not working really makes the day fly by.
Do you like pet shellfish? Because I have a very sweet clam you should pet.
If I said Marco, would you say Polo?
Can I stuff your taco with my beef?
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
We don't make each other happy.
He works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
I think our timing is off.
Excuse me, are you osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition.
Is your father a lumberjack? I'm great with carpentry and haven't had work in a while.
Did you cut my phrenic nerve? …Because baby, you take my breath away.
If you were a drug, I'd crush you and put you in that girl's drink.
I've heard alot about you, now let's hear your side of the story.
Want to get some air? Oh wait, I ate your lungs.
You must be my coronary artery because you're wrapped around my heart.
I just want to swab you up and down, then left and right, until we're both afebrile.
Do you have a mirror in your intestines? Because I can see my hands in them.
Do you have a map? Because I got lost in your eyes. [If this doesn't work, hit her in the head with a brick]
Is it hot in here or is it just the fire I've lit in your hair?
Shouldn't you be sitting on top of my tree, Angel?
The last time I saw a body like yours, I was burying it in my basement!
Do you believe in love at first sight or shouldn't I have ripped your eyes out?
We're having a penis-measuring contest over there. Do you have a yardstick that we could borrow?
I'll take you to the promised land.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
You wanna ride to starbucks? Cause I like a little cream in my coffee.
You'll be receiving a package soon.
I hope you dont have tetnus cause tonight your gonna nail me
You shine with so much Nur that you could light up a room... in my heart.
I want a hot steamy shower! Do you think if I get the water hot enough it will burn my skin off?
I love the way your Abaya flows when you walk.
I wanna Lando in your Calrissian.
You have the most terrific bone structure. Your skull is going to be the prize of my collection.
Hey baby, wanna practice for your second husband?
Whats a ghost's favorate type of car? - A boo-ick
Your feet made me lower my gaze.
Are you a surgical light? Because you brighten up everything around you.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
Your name must be Milk or Honey... ‘cuz you feel like something I was promised.
Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas? Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC
Unlike Han, I won't shoot first.
I think I'm gay, want to prove me wrong?
Christ has risen today, and so have my pants.
Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
What's the difference between a boner and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini right now.
Baby, meeting you was better than an NHL lockout ending.
You remind me of my sister. In a romantic way.
Hay girl, are you crippling depression? Because I'm going to be in bed curled up with you all day!
Obi-Wan told me to follow my instincts, and my instincts are all over you.
I must have a nuerodegenerative disease because I've forgotten your number cutie.
Open up your hangar my starfighter needs refueling.
Do I remember you from my dreams, or is that just a false memory?
Are you the sun? Because you're my center of the universe.
In the airport, I am willing to let all my personal feelings fly towards you, baby.
Are you a jalebi? Because there's nothing sweeter than you!
You raise my oxytocin levels.
I don't smoke dope. I don't drink bourbon. All I want to do is shake my turban.
Is your name chocolate, bc you make my seratonin levels rise and give me a sense of pleasure.
I know you've already said no once, but call me Joshua because I'm going to break down your walls.
Wanna smash? Me over the head with this brick.
Are you mic tape? Cause I want you leaving scars all over my body.
I'm throwing a house party... and the only person invited is you
If you were ice cream and I were hot chocolate I'd pour all my love onto you.
Where does a ghost refuel his porche? - At a ghastly station.
I want to give you my heart. Literally, because it would kill me.
It's a good thing same-sex marriage is legal here, because I'm already planning our wedding.
Are you a corn field, because I'm stalking you.
I'm going to ask you out. Resistance is futile
I got some suga for ya
You must be a shut-off valve, because you've stopped me in my tracks.
Are you auditions? Because you make me sweat.
May I stick a banana in your tailpipe?
You must be a Bible verse, because I can't stop memorizing you.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? - To stop his coffin.
You are living proof that Australia was colonized by criminals, because it's 'criminal' how good you look.
I'll eat you like a dingo eats a baby.
I'm like a boomerang; I just keep comin' back to ya.
Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?
Hey, can I have a lock of your hair? Cause I want to make a clone of you.
My lipstick would look great on the inside of your thighs.
Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? - He didn't have the guts.
You and me go together like Lightning Rod and downtime.
Is your name Heskey? Because I would love to take you out for Emile.
Are you a hospital bed? Because I'd rest easy with you by my side.
No matter how many 3-pointers I've made, it means nothing if I can't hoop your heart.
Are you a medical license? Because you're proof that perfection exists.
The race car driver had a checkered past.
Are you dopamine? Because I just can't seem to get enough of you.
May I lick your boots?
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Are you a word thief? Becasue I've run out of things to say...
What's your favorite Baudelaire poem?
The only thing brighter than your spikes is your smile.
You've got more curves than a cross country track.
I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
You can tell a lot about a man by the size of his yield.
