Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I prefer the European version of sunbathing.
Bible study & chill?
Is that your dorsal fin or are you just happy to see me?
I'll be your tramp if you'll be my lady
Girl, you're so fetch
You're so cute, I don't need to see your boarding pass.
If ugliness was a profession, you'd be the CEO.
I'd love to be your final destination.
Looking at you is like staring into the depths of hell, a grotesque abomination of nature.
You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is onto the dance floor with me.
You work out, I work out, I think our relationship would work out.
You must be an artist, because I find myself drawn to you.
Hey, I'm outta work and I heard you needed some plowing.
Stop worrying about your job, you're not paid enough to worry.
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
I checked the thermometer, and you're officially one hot bird.
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Because you're hot.
Your body is a temple, and I have a recommend.
Are you Macbeth? Because your name sends shivers down my spine.
My love for you is like the Hamilton Original Cast Recording: terribly addicting.
Hey girl, I put the sensual in non-consensual.
You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I just want to make sure my eyeliner is on thick enough.
You should be wearing a soccer jersey darling so I don't have to ask for your name or number.
Are you Sergio Ramos' penalty kick? Cause you're out of this world.
Somebody better call God, cause heaven's missing an angel
Hey, are you balding, because you sure do SHINE.
Would you like your parrot on this shoulder....or THIS shoulder?
Honey just by seeing you from behind, I know you're a well-rounded person!
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
You should search for someone with the same values.
Are you from Russia? Cause you're russian my heart rate!
The holy spirit must be with you because you're getting a rise outta me.
I'm new in town, where's the best place to taste some really good local wine?
Is your name Joe? because you're stealing my Hart.
Dating me is like being in a rickshaw on a potholed road – one helluva ride!
You're pawfect.
1+1 is equal to 4 if we don't use condoms.
I might be ugly but I'll treat you right!
I've got an E-Meter in my pants you can use.
I don't believe in love at first sight, but I'm willing to make an exception in your case
I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
If you were a transformer, you'd be a HOT-obot, and your name would be Optimus Fine
There's 900 square feet in a volleyball court, and I still find my way directly to you.
Psst.. Hey babe, I got some nip
Nice bible. I would like to pray with you.
Can you feel that universal energy flowing from me to you?
First rule for a patient is to remove all restricting clothing, can I go ahead and start now?
Did you know that you burn 2.8 calories a minute while slow dancing. Wanna work out?
Your face is a visual assault, a crime against humanity that should be punishable by law.
I'm French Horny for your tromboner.
You can't kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her sooner than she thought you would.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Congratulations, you've managed to achieve a level of ugliness that defies all known standards of aesthetics.
Will you teach my tongue how to surf?
Where have you been all my lives?
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
I usually Han Solo, but I'd let you turn on my light saber!
Hey, I lost my underwear, can I see yours?
I just saw George Michael in the men's room. He was asking about you.
You won't believe it but I'm shocking in bed.
I'm an interior decorator. I can fill your interior
Calculus and drinking alcohol do not mix. So, don't drink and derive.
Your car's design is so outdated, it's like a relic from a bygone era of bad taste.
Wanna come over to myspace so I could twitter your yahoo till you google all over my facebook.
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
Your face is like a train wreck, impossible to look away from despite the horror it invokes.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? -- There's one less drunk.
Is that an M4 or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a double ended vibrator in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I just washed my face. So you have a clean place to sit.
I do not like work even when someone else does it.
Hey wanna play softball, we can take turns pitching and catching.
I am a hot lesbian, hold my hand.
I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.
Baby I'm about to line up in your neutral zone.
Hey baby, I have a green card.
Do you like jalapeños? Cause in a minute I'll be jalapeño pants tonigh.
Hey girl, I love your modest tan lines.
Pee here often?
I may not be Heath, but I can sure balance your ledger.
Hey girl, are you a pulmonary embolism? Cause you're making me breathless..
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would throw up their hands in defeat at the sight of your face.
Is that a Easter egg in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor? Ribbon Hood!
You make me go from simple squamous to stratified columnar
I will treat you how i treat my scriptures.
Are you Crisitano? Because you've definitely won my Ballon d'Ors.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
Are you a cartographer? Because you have mileage markers in all the right places.
Your appearance is an affront to the very concept of beauty, a walking abomination.
Let me put a toy in your happy meal.
Are you COPD? ‘Cause you take my breath away.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico? Fleece Navidad!
