Keep the jokes short and funny. No one wants to read a long joke just to find out it's not that funny. One Liners is the answer. Who has time for long jokes anyway? Life's too short, take in as many as you can. Why waste your memory on long boring jokes? Our jokes are nice and easy to memorize to cheer up your friends or use it as a pick up line at the bar to break the ice. If you want a funny story, you won't find it here, short and funny jokes for a quick funny fix.
Top Funny Short Jokes
I could spend a millennium in your falcon.
Are you sustainable agriculture? Cuz you're all I need to survive.
Since I met you I feel like the cat who got the cream.
My striped stockings would look great on your bedroom floor.
Your car's headlights are dimmer than your future prospects, casting a feeble glow on the road ahead.
The Irish way - Now don't be talking about yourself while you're here. We'll surely be doing that after you leave.
Even the most skilled plastic surgeon in the world would throw up their hands in defeat at the sight of your face.
Allah created everyone in pairs, so what are you doing, single?
Which reindeer have the shortest legs? The smallest ones
Your so cute its distracting.
I perform best when I'm wet.
Where's your paper bag? [huh] Your paper bag to put over your head.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I just want to make sure my eyeliner is on thick enough.
How about we go to my garage and see what's under the hood.
Is your name Joe? because you're stealing my Hart.
You are the roux to my veloute.
You are just the way I like my coffee. Tall, dark and strong.
I like my women like I like my coffee, HOT!
You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is onto the dance floor with me.
My coffee hasn't kicked in yet, so I can't think of anything charming to say.
The barista may have forgotten your name, but I sure won't.
Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
Hey, I'm outta work and I heard you needed some plowing.
I checked the thermometer, and you're officially one hot bird.
Is that your dorsal fin or are you just happy to see me?
The holy spirit must be with you because you're getting a rise outta me.
Somebody better call God, cause heaven's missing an angel
You should be wearing a soccer jersey darling so I don't have to ask for your name or number.
Are you Sergio Ramos' penalty kick? Cause you're out of this world.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
Are you from Russia? Cause you're russian my heart rate!
Let's build a home in the desert. We can Gobi together forever!
You spin my heart like a globe.
Save water and shower with an airman.
I might be ugly but I'll treat you right!
Hey girl, I put the sensual in non-consensual.
Stop worrying about your job, you're not paid enough to worry.
Somebody call a lifeguard. Because I'm drowning in your eyes...
I don't believe in love at first sight, but I'm willing to make an exception in your case
For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
I'll sniff your butt if you sniff mine.
Would you like your parrot on this shoulder....or THIS shoulder?
You should search for someone with the same values.
You might want to call a bomb squad, because there's going to be an explosion in your anus.
Your car is a complete and utter piece of shit, a rolling testament to your poor life choices and lack of taste.
Even the most powerful storms of Jupiter couldn't keep me from you!
You work out, I work out, I think our relationship would work out.
I'm a recovering workaholic.
Your car's audio system sounds like a cacophony of dying cats, assaulting the ears of anyone unfortunate enough to listen.
The seats in your car are as uncomfortable as sitting on a bed of nails, inflicting torture on your passengers.
You must be a Magnetar because I feel a strong magnetism between us.
Being an ugly girl is like being a man; you have to work for your money.
Looking at your car is like witnessing a tragic accident, a horrifying reminder of the consequences of poor automotive judgment.
Are you a black line? Because I could stare at you all day long.
The way you talk to me leaves me aphasic.
If there was a contest for the ugliest person in the world, you'd win by a landslide.
Driving your car is like subjecting yourself to a torture chamber on wheels, where discomfort and disappointment are your constant companions.
Your car's exterior is so hideous, it could make a blind person weep tears of agony.
Hey, are you balding, because you sure do SHINE.
When your hands are cold you sit on them. You know my face is pretty cold.
Your car's reliability is a cruel joke, a constant source of breakdowns and expensive repairs.
I'll be your tramp if you'll be my lady
Is that an M4 or are you just happy to see me?
Let me see your shirt tag, that's right, made in Eden.
To a 4 banger - Sounds like all the masters are running.
Your car's acceleration is slower than the growth of mold on stale bread, a pathetic display of feebleness.
I'm French Horny for your tromboner.
First rule for a patient is to remove all restricting clothing, can I go ahead and start now?
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? -- There's one less drunk.
Pee here often?
What do you get when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? -- Data transfer.
Calculus and drinking alcohol do not mix. So, don't drink and derive.
I hope you don't object to this leading question but, you want me don't you?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
I want to slam dunk your face with my face.
I can't be fired. Slaves are sold!
This saltwater reminds me of the tears that came to my eyes when I first saw you.
Where have you been all my lives?
You can pee on my fire hydrant all night long.
Is that a Easter egg in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Are you Crisitano? Because you've definitely won my Ballon d'Ors.
I just washed my face. So you have a clean place to sit.
If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
Hey wanna play softball, we can take turns pitching and catching.
I may not be Heath, but I can sure balance your ledger.
What do you call an Irishman covered in boils? -- A leper-chaun.
Hey baby, I have a green card.
I am a hot lesbian, hold my hand.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.
Hey girl, I love your modest tan lines.
If I was a ref would you blow my whistle?
Wanna come over to myspace so I could twitter your yahoo till you google all over my facebook.
Did you know that you burn 2.8 calories a minute while slow dancing. Wanna work out?
Let me put a toy in your happy meal.
Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
Is that a double ended vibrator in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
Baby I'm about to line up in your neutral zone.
I may not be Elisha but will you open the door anyway.
